Post # 1
Okay so this is super stupid, but I’m annoyed and need to vent (it’s probably the hormones or the crappy weather making it worse).
So last night my MIL called and mentioned that my husband’s aunt wants to throw me a baby shower. Totally a nice thing, right?
Here’s the kicker: She said the aunt wanted to do it in TWO weeks and do it in their hometown (it’s an hour away from us). However, my girlfriend who lives in NYC has been planning a shower for over a month, she’s FLYING in to host it and it’s going to be in April, in the city where we live (so we don’t have to haul stuff home or drive anywhere – WAY more convenient for us).
I told my MIL all this nearly a month ago.
So I’m annoyed that she would put me on the spot like that, I’m not even sure of everything we need yet and that weekend is the only weekend my husband doesn’t have to work in March (so I thought we’d be able to paint the nursery and what now). Plus what’s the point of my friend planning this big thing if half the people we were inviting wouldn’t come because they’d go to the family shower?
I know, I know, I’m a huge ungrateful bitch and I should be happy that so many people want to throw me showers.
But whatever…I feel better. Just had to let it out. Am I totally unreasonable?
Post # 3
Can you just say that weekend doesn’t work for you? I mean, I know you don’t want to sound ungrateful, but honestly, TELLING someone (not asking them) that you are giving them a shower with 2 weeks notice that they are expected to travel to isn’t the most gracious gesture I’ve ever heard either.
Have your family members already been invited to the shower your friend is hosting? Because that would be an easy way out.
If not, I would just say it’s a timing thing- you and your husband already have plans for that weekend, you won’t be ready for a shower in two weeks, etc.
Post # 4
@Tatum: Yeah I mentioned that we wouldn’t be ready and I don’t really want to spend a Saturday traveling that I’d planned for “baby stuff”. My friend is getting ready to send invitations in the next week, and family was definitely going to be invited, so I’d feel awful telling her that she was planning this thing for only a handful of people.
But I still feel like I’m coming off like a jerk telling them “no thanks”.
Post # 5
Can you suggest that the aunt help your friend with planning/paying for the shower she’s already got in the works instead?
Post # 6
You don’t seem unreasonable at all. People will only want to come to one baby shower, it’s like party stealing to come in and plan one at the last minute.
It’s nice that you feel bad about it since I guess it’s a nice offer but I’d stand my ground on this one and just say thanks but no thanks I’d feel bad since my friend already planned this other shower.
Post # 7
Remind her that your friend is doing a shower for you in April and so while you greatly appreciate her wanting to throw you a shower in 2 weeks, it just wouldn’t work since most people are already coming to the one in your hometown. I don’t think that makes you come off as a bitch at all
Post # 8
@camrie:you don’t sound unreasonable at all and you have a right to be upset (especially since you’re pregnant)! I agree with the previous posters. Just be honest about your concerns.
Post # 9
The planning for my baby shower totally made me cry because I felt so uncomfortable and caught in the middle. (And then felt ashamed of feeling ungrateful)
In my case, my mom and my sister said they wanted to throw me a shower in the city where my sister and I live (my mom is 10 hours away), but two of my girlfriends in town also offered. I asked if they would mind kind of working together on one since we’ve only lived here a couple years and I don’t have all that many female friends (my three best friends in the area are all gay men, and while I’d have liked a coed laid-back non-showery shower, the hostesses didn’t). Unfortunately, there were some communication problems, and they all had different ideas of what the shower should be like, and things were really awkward for a while. Luckily, they worked it out (with some help/prompting from DH after I cried) and the shower was great.
My family also wants to do something in my hometown (all my cousins and aunt and grandma live there), but we’ve decided that we’ll do that after the baby is born- I’ll come down with the baby and visit, and they’ll invite folks over for more of a sip-and-see kind of thing than a traditional baby shower (that way we’ll also have a better idea of what things we still need). Would that maybe be an option for your MIL/aunt-in-law? Suggesting that it would be really tough to plan something right now, and that there’s already a big shower planned, but that you’d love to get everyone together to meet the baby after s/he is born? (and if most of these people have been to the shower, it can be more of a meet-the-baby luncheon, no gifts necessarily involved)
Post # 10
Thanks ladies! I was feeling like I looked ungrateful. But it seemed more like what troubled said “party-stealing” (love that) and it would rude to the other host to let them do their own thing (besides being hugely inconvenient for us).
@Lozza: The sip-and-see is a great idea if she still wants to plan something. Thanks for the thoughts.
My husband called his mom (yea!) and told her “Thanks, but no thanks” and that they’re all invited to the shower in April.