(Closed) It’s NOT a destination wedding…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow. Even if it WAS a destination wedding you aren’t required to host pre-wedding activities and especially not ones that are so exspensive!  She needs to chill. I’m sure there is a more diplomatic way to say it but seriously, unless someone is footing the bill they don’t really get a say in what is done/not done. 

Post # 3
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well dang. double post sorry!

Post # 4
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

What is it about the venue that grandma doesn’t like? She has no say in finances if she isn’t contributing. Why would your guests even WANT to go on a halibut charter? Especially one that’s EIGHT HOURS AWAY? With 13 people coming from out of town, it’s not a destination wedding. It’s like every other wedding where a few people don’t live nearby. Tell her to chill. People are coming to YOUR wedding, not to go deep sea fishing. If they wanna do that they can go on their dime and their time. It would be a nice gesture to give them a list of activities to do while in town, but you aren’t required to pay for it. 

Post # 5
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree, sounds nutty to me. I don’t think you’re obligated to pay for excursions even if it was a destination wedding.

Post # 6
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Hmmm…, you don’t have money, then you don’t. I won’t even bother trying to do anything. Tell your dad to talk to her. I wouldn’t want to go on a charter that is 8hours away!! Hello?

Post # 7
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

EH! sorry you have to deal with this.  You should be able to do whatever you want without anyone saying anything!!! Unless you are being ridiculous (are you are NOT).  Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would explain (calmly) your feelings to her and let her know that chartered trips are not in your budget. If you can fit it in, an out of town bag with maps and a list of activitites to do (on their own time and money) would be nice thought. I’m sure if they are family they will naturally want to do things together before the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

Is it possible that your grandma is upset because she herself can’t afford the trip, or knows that one of your other relatives is in that position, and she’s taking it out on you? If that’s the case, maybe something more specific can be worked out for her or whoever she’s concerned about. Since she raised you and you are close, I’m sure she would be devastated if she couldn’t go to your wedding! 

Beyond that, everything you said about your reasons for having it in Alaska makes perfect sense. It’s not a destination wedding at all if you live there and most of your guests live there! If your guests want to make a vacation out of it, that is up to their own finances. I would sit down with your grandmother and explain to her calmly everything you described here. If all else fails and your relatives decide not to come, maybe you could have a second, small party or dinner in the mainland?

Post # 10
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Eh, that situation sucks. I’d try to talk to her first, and if it doesn’t seem to be getting through to her see if your dad can talk to her for you. If you guys have pre-wedding activities (rehearsal, dinner etc) explain those to her, maybe that’ll help her realize there won’t be a lot of down time that she may be expecting.

Post # 11
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I have a feeling that this is the type of conversation that if you hold out on her, and force her to choose between paying for herself or not coming, she’ll just come. If she doesn’t, you don’t really want to have her anyhow. 

 

Her demands are unreasonable. Objectively, I think you know that. 

Post # 12
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

Sounds like Grams is a bit “off her rocker”, so to speak!  It is not your responsibility to pay for housing or host outings for your guests while they are in town. 

P.S. What area do you live in and where is the wedding?  My Great Aunt lives in Anchorage and I visited many, many years ago.  I’m hoping to return again soon!  It’s beautiful there!!!

Post # 13
Member
46160 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just plaster a smile on your face and say”That’s a great idea Grandma, but it’s not in our budget”.

You are under no obligation to plan, provide or pay for excursions for your OOT guests.

Post # 14
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ha. I live in San Francisco (have for the past 5+ years) and my family and friends are all around the country. 2/3 of the guest list is flying in. So, I consider it a destination wedding for them.

But that doesn’t mean I have to foot the bill for expensive side trips! That only happens when the couple has their destination wedding at an all-inclusive resort because they don’t actually have to pay for the wedding.

To placate your grandma, you could check homeaway.com and vrbo.com and send links to the family members if they all want to throw in for a house or condo instead of hotels.  You could also look into your local tourism office. There may be free tours or activities you can suggest for your guests.

Explain to your grandma that you’re trying to please a lot of people and that your Alaska wedding ultimately works best for you. Also be sure to let her know that you understand where she’s coming from and that you wish you could accomodate better.  She’ll come around. (My grandma got on my case about not having communion at my Catholic wedding… She later apologized.)

Also, don’t forget to explain Alaska distance in terms of where she is. “Grandma, as much as I’d love to have a Halibut charter, it’s 1) $300 per person. That is more than triple the cost of their dinner at the wedding. I could almost fly them here for that 2) It’s the same distance from here to the charter as it is from Boston to Philadelphia. If I had the wedding in Boston, would you expect me to take the guests to see the Liberty Bell?

Good luck!

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