(Closed) IT'S NOT FAIR!!! My FI deserves more from his parents

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1285 posts
Bumble bee

You’d be surprised how well adults can behave on a wedding day, or any special day, when it involves their children. I think you two need to take the bull by the horns, bite the bullet and just deal with it.  Adults, divorced adults, know how to act like descent adults when they need to. I see it all the time in my line of business.  


Post # 4
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Tell his butt to elope.  Make Exhibit A sibling #1’s wedding and make Exhibit B sibling #2’s wedding.  Tell him you can throw a small reception when you get back if he still feels guilty about it but at least then his parents wouldn’t be ruining the actual wedding day.

Post # 6
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@mousepeach:  I’m sorry that you’re going through that 🙁 It sounds like his parents need to grow up and move on from the past. It is not fair to put your Fiance under that much pressure. Is there a particular place he would be excited about eloping in? We are eloping and it is the best decision for us. I think you guys can have a GREAT time and get just as excited about it as a traditional wedding (at least you have no chance of someone ruining it for you!)

Post # 7
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m so sorry that you and your Fiance are having to deal with this. However, I think if your Fiance and you would like to have a traditional wedding, you should be able to have one. I would seat his parents at different tables and not require any joint photos. As for the rest of it, I would let your FI’s father bear the responsibility for his own inability to handle these situations; you and your Fiance should do the best that you can to be fair and then simply refuse to take responsibility for your FFIL’s ongoing negative feelings.

Post # 9
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Part of the reason his parents continue to act this way around him is because he allows it.  Your fi should sit down with all his parents, step-parents, whoever else is in this little drama party and explain that they are ALL invited, that it was his choice to invite them, and that he is expecting each of them equally to grow the eff up and behave like adults for a few hours for his wedding, or they can stay the eff home. Period. If they start acting up, be it on the phone, on facebook, in person, whatever, your Fi should tell them to sort out their drama without his being stuck in the middle, and end the conversation.  Once they stop having an audience, they’ll stop acting like idiots.

Post # 11
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I wrote a post a while back about my issues with Father-In-Law and 1 comment was particularly helpful: you need to change your expectation of how a father should behave.  

Now, my issue isn’t quite the same as yours, but I do have a lot of ongoing resentment towards the man- his grumpy attitude is the only negative memory I have of my entire wedding day and he’ll never admit that he acted like a child.  Since I could not make him change, I had to just concentrate on my own and DH’s happiness and ignore any other bullshit.  I know its easier said than done, but hopefully it helps a bit.

Post # 12
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Your Future Father-In-Law = my mother.  

My parents divorced 25 years ago and I’m still putting up with this sort of shit from my mother.   She’s the Queen of emotional blackmail, believe me…and more bitter and angry about my father now than she was the day he left.  And like you say, my mother is sick, she’s needed psychiatric help from before I was born…

Some people actively choose not to get over divorce.  Nothing you and your Fiance will/can do will make any difference – I’m guessing that your Future Father-In-Law is probably in his 50s, at the youngest.  He’s not about to have a ‘road to Damascus’ moment.  

Your Fiance need to choose whether he wants the ‘proper’ wedding with all the drama from his father that will entail, or elope.  Don’t feel guilty if you do end up eloping, I think you’d be doing your Fiance a massive favour.

Post # 13
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

you and your fi should have the wedding you want. 

solution = don’t invite his parents unless they agree to behave.

Post # 14
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Enlist the help of the recently married siblings to: talk sense into Dad but more importantly – run interference as needed on wedding day.

Post # 16
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@mousepeach:  Well, for that you just have to convince your Fiance not to think about dear dad but instead think happy thoughts – you, other friends, family.  If he won’t be able to do so, then consider whether you want to invite Future Father-In-Law.


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