- 5 years ago
My S.0 and I had a fight and a frank, honest, soul baring discussion last night. It started with hiim saying “I know what I’m going to get you for Christmas, no it’s not a ring.” He said he’s at that stage where he wants to get married but, we can’t afford it. We can’t afford to get married, we can’t afford a ring and he doesn’t know when its going to change or when he will get enough to support us, and since I’m in school, I don’t know when I’ll make enough to move out or support us either.
He was at his wits end, he said our previous discussion of a time limit within three more years is off, he said he doesn’t know when its gonna happen and that it could be 10 years before we could afford to get engaged or married. He said he was dissapointed and sad that he couldn’t give me what I wanted, that he couldn’t make me happy. He said he was happy when he first foundout that I had THE BEE, to vent and talk on, but, that the list ended up being horrible because it gives us bees a timeline, and inevidably disapoints us when we get lower on the list because its unspoken that we love going lower on the list, but, that also means the lower we are on the list, the longer we have been waiting, and the more we come to expect it.
At the time, I shouldn’t have even hoped that we’d engaged this year or next because we weren’t even there yet. But, I told him a part of me kept hoping despite all odds and that I felt like he wasn’t there yet emotionally. Meaning, that he just wasn’t ready to get engaged yet, because in my mind, I always thought If a guy wanted to marry you, he’d make it happen. Kinda like, if a guy wanted to see you, he’d do anything to make it happen. He said he was really hurt because he is emotionally ready and that he was just disapointed that we can’t.
Part of me just wants a shitty ring just so I can say we’re engaged and have a part of him to hang onto (We live an hour away from each other and are only able to see each other 1 day a week due to our scedules 🙁 and on top of that he said he wouldn’t want us to be married and not be living together.
At the time I didn’t know what to say to all this, or to comfort him. But, I am pretty upset about all this, I feel like I have to give up on waiting. On the dream..