- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Bees, there is a good reason that I have been unable to contact any of you these past few days. I have been in the MHU.
On Friday night, after I submitted my last final (3.58 GPA for those who want to know), DH and I loaded the car and drove to my parents house. We had a great drive, and spent Saturday running local errands. On Sunday, we had an ice/sleet/snow mix, and due to road conditions chose not to go. DH was FURIOUS at my parents. His father was already at the meet up point – we had all agreed that they would leave home when DH and I returned from church. Turns out, ILs were already there, and were very unhappy that we weren’t “holding up our end of the deal”. We being my parents and I. DH and I spent the night in a hotel, since we realized that we had no couple time lately. I thought we got everything together – I thought we were good.
On Monday, we decided to each write letters to his parents, detailing our stress, and asking for help. Mine never got emailed or printed. On Tuesday morning, he left as planned. But he never even gave me a kiss or hug – he just drove off. Tuesday evening, he called and let me know that plans had changed, Christmas would now be at his parents house, and that was that. I started crying – our first Christmas together, and it’s not truly together.
I got very upset, because he admitted that it was his father who made these decisions. In one of my worst moments, I let his father have it. I couldn’t control myself. But I let him have it. And when I was done, all he could say was that I needed to calm down, and that he didn’t believe in anything that I had said.
That is when I started shaking and sobbing. I was sitting at the table for over an hour sobbing and saying I want to die. I just want to die. over and over again. I also had three sharp objects near my wrist and neck. So I know that I was suicidal at that point. After a few hours of not being able to calm down, my mom called our pastor, who said to take me to the ER. I was admitted to the MHU. I hated it there – all I wanted was my husband back, and no one would tell me anything.
On Tuesday, mom came to visit me at the MHU. She had bad news – the sherriffs had accompanied Matt and his father to her house to drop off my car. They refused to talk to my mother at all. I didn’t take the news good, and almost had to have restraints – I did get a few shots.
Today, I was released. I contacted one of his parents friends, who was at our wedding, and a few of my friends. No one can believe any of this – and his best friend is refusing to open up at all. I am sitting here sobbing, and realizing that life as I know it has ended. Truthfully, bees, I’m not sure I can continue on in life. I already had another failed short marriage. To have another one, to be twice divorced, makes me one of “those” women.
I am also very very scared of all the legal ramifications. To the legal-bees: Are any of you in NY and/or versed in divorce? Can I PM you for questions? I’m not sure right now whether I want this to be a contested or uncontested divorce, but I have no savings, so it will have to be in forma pauperis or self representation. Which really sucks because he is a vet, so he gets legal support from the VA, I think. I do know that abandonment is a cause for divorce in NY, and that is what is happening here.
At this point, I don’t know how to go on, how to pick myself up. I know I can’t go back to where I was living, but a pastor out in Syracuse, where we were living, is going to help me with that. I do know that I need to finish college, and soon, since as soon as we are divorced, my benefits stop.
I loved him with all my heart and soul. I thought, when it came to God, that we were equally yoked. I was wrong. I need to see through all of this pain and realize that God is there fore me. When I said my vows, I said them for life. Pastor last night told me that even when we say those words for life, if one falls down and refuses to get up, then you are unequally yoked, and it is ok to move on.
Can I please get some bee love?