- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
I won’t be needing this site any more. My engagement has ended.
These are my 2 recent threads about the slew of problems we have been having.
I should say that I thought things were getting better after the ring issue but I guess deep down they really weren’t. So here’s what happened.
Yesterday I went with ex-FI (Eric) to look at a house that he wanted to look at. It wasn’t in an area I wanted to live in, but he was so insistant that I gave in. He kept going on and on about how great a deal it was and asked me to just keep an open mind. Well I didn’t like the house; not just the area, but the house itself. It was a total fixer upper and we had discussed previously that it wasn’t something we wanted to get into. However, I guess Eric couldn’t get over the ‘great deal’ it was, not to mention it was down the street from his parents. I tried to be really nice about it, but he just blew up again, this time in front of the real estate agent showing us the house. It was very akward and I tried my best not to lash back at him in front of her.
When we were done we were supposed to go out to eat and Eric was just acting like nothing had just happened. I started crying and said he cannot talk to me like that and I went on about how he has been disrespecting me and when we fight, he turns things around so it’s my problem, and that since the ring problem, I don’t even know who he is anymore. He suggested we need a night without each other, which did suprise me, but I thought it was best too. He dropped me off.
Around 2am he called me completely drunk. In the 5 years I have known him I have honestly seen him drunk only a handful of times – this was not a usual occurrence. Anyway, he kept apologizing over and over and asked if he could come over. I said no, I wanted some time alone. Next thing I know, he’s ringing the doorbell. My roomate answered the door and he came flying in, all sloppy drunk, crying on how sorry he was and how he loves me. He had been dropped off by whoever he was with and I was so tired that I just let him stay.
Today when we got up I said we need to talk now. I tried picking up the conversation from yesterday and that’s when he dropped the bomb on me. He said ‘he can’t do this anymore’. Do what?? He said he cannot lead me on like this.
He’s had a girlfriend on the side for the past 3 months. AFTER we got engaged! I am still reeling over this.
I just sat down and cried. He starting crying too. I told him to get out. He tried ‘explaining’ and I wanted no part of it. I told him I had been having some problems with the way he’s been treating me but never in a million billion years did I expect him to cheat. I can honestly say I had absolutely no clue. We didn’t live together and we saw each other basically only on the weekends; maybe 1 night during the week as well. All the times when he was out with his ‘guy friends’ he was out with her. He never acted fishy or like he was hiding something. He just wasn’t the same person that had asked me to marry him twice -first in July, then when he got me the new ring. He made such a big deal, especially with the 2nd proposal that I couldn’t believe this was the same guy that was standing in front of me telling me this.
And here’s the kicker – the meaness from the last few months? Well he was hoping I would break up with him! He didn’t want to be the bad guy! We just went to look at a house yesterday! This didn’t make sense at all. He said he was ‘torn’ between me and the skank. But I am such a nice person that he just couldn’t keep up with it any longer. Eric said he did love me, more than anything (haha!) but this new girl ‘excites him’. I gave him back the ring – actually both rings and called him a few choice names. He tried to hug me and I slapped him across the face. Then he left.
My roomates were home and heard the whole thing. My one roomate, Meaghan’s FI is very good friends with Eric and she called him to find out if he knew anything about this. He said no and he was shocked. Meaghan called Eric’s brother (who hangs around in our circle of friends) and he didn’t know anything about it either. I spent the rest of the afternoon on the phone with so many people – first my parents, then several of Eric’s friends, all of which knew nothing about it. So now I’m not even sure if Eric really does have another girlfriend. It doesn’t matter anyway. All his friends were so sorry he did this to me and kept saying I deserve so much better than this. No one could get a hold of Eric.
I talked to my mom and she said my dad had told her that when we were visiting last weekend that Eric was acting kind of strange when my dad had taken him hunting. He didn’t do anything wrong, per se, just was not his usual bubbly self.
My mom also knew that I had run into my ex, Jake at the store. How did she know? – she knew from Jake’s mom that he was in town visiting for Thanksgiving as he had to work Thanksgiving day! She also found out that Eric had called Jake way back when we first started dating (not sure how he got his number because I didn’t have it) and told him to stay away from me; not just ‘stay away’ but was basically threatening him. Jake and I had not kept in touch after we broke up so why Eric would do that, I don’t know, except that Eric was always jealous of my relationship with Jake. Eric would ask questions all the time about us and I would only talk vaguely about it. Jake wanted to know if this was the same guy I was engaged to and to really see if I was truly happy and if he treated me well. My mom said she didn’t go into too many details and said I was happy. She did not tell Jake or his mom the problems we had.
I keep going back and forth between furious and sad. I’m pissed that he threatened Jake. I’m pissed he did this to me. I feel like I’ve wasted the last 3 years of my life. I want him to hurt the way I’m hurting.
I don’t want to bore with any more details. Thank god I have my best friends and my family to lean on. Even Eric’s friends have been offering me support. Eric’s mom even called and apologized for her son’s behavior and that she thought I was the best thing that ever happened to him.
I also need to thank all of you that have read my threads and offered your support. This is not how I wanted things to end; in a way I feel relief and then I feel these waves of being sick to my stomach. I know I will get through this but I just want to hurry up and have the pain gone.