Post # 1
Someone continues to pursue you when you’re in a relationship.
The other night, a group of coworkers went out. I was excited to introduce my boyfriend to all of them because I talk a lot about them with him and apparently talk a lot about him to them. Everybody was happy to meet him and told him how highly I speak of him. Except one guy who I am friendly acquaintances with. When he arrived, I immediately said hi and introduced him to my boyfriend, and they talked for a few minutes. I thought it was normal.
Later, I found him again to tell him that our boss was there because I knew he wanted to see her. We had made a bet earlier about whether she would be intoxicated or not. She was, so I owed him a drink. We were talking a little, and he asked if I thought my boyfriend was the one. I said yes, barring any major complications in the next few years. I then started talking about how excited I was for this upcoming wedding we are going to out of town. Then he said that he made a bet with my boss that he would have to kiss me. I was like WHAAAT NOOOO (a bit drunk…) and clearly shut that down. He amended that to a kiss on the cheek, and I was like ‘whatever’, got him that drink, handed it to him then went to find my boyfriend.
Apparently later when I was in the bathroom, he went up to my boyfriend and told him (in a negative tone) that he must be really awesome because I talk about him so highly. My boyfriend said it seemed like the guy was insinuating that he wasn’t good enough for me and that he would be better. Apparently he was also asking another coworker earlier how serious we were before all of this happened.
What the heck? This guy is bordering on the acquaintance/friend range, and I was previously happy to be getting to know him better because he’s nice (and just as friendly to all the women and men we work with). There was nothing before this time to indicate any feelings on his part. I consider it so disrespectful that he would try something after meeting my boyfriend, after I talked about how happy I was with him, and especially with my boyfriend at the same bar! What did he expect to happen if I did kiss him? My boyfriend was still there! My boyfriend apparently caught the disapproving vibes when I first introduced them and was really angry (but also kind of satisfied that he was right haha) when I told him what happened when were walking home. I still will have to work with him this summer and over the coming year, but clearly I’m not going to pursue this friendship anymore which is a shame, because I thought he was a really good guy.
Post # 3
@juliana192: EEEW what a creeper! Seriously, what a jerk that guy is to behave that way. I guess it might be a good thing you found out he’s not such a nice guy after all, so you can look out for any antics he might get up to while you have to work with him.
Obviously you did as you needed to and shut it down, but it’s still icky. I sympathize with you for being grossed out and surprised! I hope that guy will have the shame to act appropriately around you when you have to work together again.
I’ve had something a bit like that happen to me, but not quite so overtly and it might have been an honest, clueless mistake (though I do emphasize that MIGHT is the operative word here). A guy I go to grad school with, who started out as one of my friends, and who was well aware that I am in a committed relationship, asked me to watch movies with him at his house, just the two of us. Granted, the movies he suggested were documentaries about the sorts of things we are in school for, but still– not OK!!
Post # 4
@juliana192: aww what a creep. You seem like a sweet girl but you know what? Its not your fault if he mistakes your friendly manor for flirting!
I would say a casual hello to him around the office and keep talk to strictly business. Perhaps even a *little* cold so he gets the message. If any behavior like that continues or escalates I would bring it up to HR
Post # 5
@Creiddylad: ok THANK YOU! so you agree it is not appropriate for a guy and a girl to hang out and watch movies alone at night when at least one of them has a SO???
because I had a pretty weird predicament a few weeks back. My cousin/best friend’s husband moved back to the area (she is soon to follow) and we work together. We never really talked before but we are pretty cool now and have had lunch a few times, as well as me hanging with both of them when she was visiting.
HOWEVER!!! he asked me a few weeks ago (since we were talking about a certain brand of alcohol) if i wanted to come over and watch disney movies and try the drink. ummmm what? just us? no thanks. I know my BF wouldnt care as he knows i have NO INTEREST whatsoever, but still thats weird right? He said she was perfectly OK with it and looking at their relationship im sure she didnt have a problem but … I didnt think it was appropriate.
Post # 6
@juliana192: That is annoying! Especially since you didn’t see it coming. And how disrespectful to be arrogant to your boyfriend.
I was in not a similar situation but a creepy situation with a guy. We tried dating quite a few years ago but after one movie and a lot of drama caused by him I realized it wasn’t worth it. We later became friends again while I was flirting with my soon to be boyfriend (now ex). So he laid the flirting on thick but I became taken by the ex. He became pissed off, drama ensued, months later he asked if we could be friends again. Ex moved away but we were LD for quite a few months. Creeper started hanging around and showed up at my usual haunts (that he never used to go to). My friends would start bumping into him there and he’d ask them where I was and would start searching for me. One time I was sitting behind a large plant and my friend texted me to stay there because it was the one place Creeper couldn’t see me and she knew he was running around looking for me. He dedicated a karaoke song to me after I ignored him all night. He started sending me messages saying he knew I was cheating on my ex (I was not!) and I should be dating him instead and we could move in together and he’d take care of me and we have a connection (WTF?). I told him repeatedly I wasn’t interested and if he carried it on further I’d have no choice but to cut all contact.
So I stopped going to my ‘haunt’ for awhile, my ex and I broke up, it had been a few months and I thought that was the end of it. My now SO moved back to town (we were friends before but he went out of town for university) and we decided to go on a date. We went to the movies, decided to go to the haunt for a couple of drinks and socialize with people. We sat down at a table and Creeper walked over to a chair that was right near where I was and STARED at me!! Like didn’t try to join in with anyone at the table, didn’t say hi, just moved a chair a few feet away and turned it towards me and stared. It was directly behind me and my friends pointed him out, a couple of acquaintances went ‘Who’s the weirdo sitting behind you!?’. Someone I barely knew yelled out he was ‘F***ing creepy’. He didn’t get the hint.
He used to seem normal and fun. Now I keep my distance. And he keeps his distance more now that my SO did the chest-puff thing to him.
At one time he was just really annoying. I hope unlike me you don’t get yours as a stalker! They suck!
Post # 7
@leisha606: Yes, I agree! I do not think watching movies one-on-one w/ someone of the opposite sex (or of same sex if both are gay) when at least one person is in a relationship, is appropriate, at all! Especially if alcohol is involved. Either that guy is also clueless, or he was planning to not behave properly. Blargh! Glad you got out of that one!