Post # 1
I’m not really looking for any advice here, I just need somewhere to rant for a minute.
Me and my husband are holding off on TTC for at least a year. We want to make sure that we’re in the situation, financially and emotionally wise. We dont want to be irresponsible and get pregnant when we really cant afford to be able to provide for our kid in the way we want to.
But it seems like we’re the ONLY people that are thinking like this. At least once a week someone asks me if I’m pregnant yet, or why we havent started trying to have a baby yet. I also know about 7 girls that are either pregnant or just recently had a baby, and NONE of them are being responsible. One of them just got out of rehab, is essentially homeless (she’s living in one bedroom in her aunts house,) and just gave birth to her second baby. She didnt even have a car seat for the baby until about 2 days before she gave birth. I know two girls that are pregnant with their third child, all by different dads, and are living in trashy two bedroom apts. One girl is living in a 2 bedroom apt with her son, the babies dad, and his mom, and is pregnant again.
And these are the same people that are asking me why I’m not pregnant yet! I know us waiting is the right thing for us to do, it just seems like all these people are somehow “cheapening” it, if that makes any sense? Is anyone else going through this?
Post # 2
I can totally understand how frusterating that must be. It is essentially the same thing for people like me, and in our area geographically. The norm once you get married is to start having children! And if you don’t within a year of being married – boy are you weird – or something must be wrong. People seem to forget the planning and coordinating it takes to decide to have a baby. You sound very responsible for wanting to wait, and I can relate to hearing about women having children left right and centre all of the time, and how frusterating it can be. I have always wanted to be a mom and my fiance and I have been together 8 years, even when we were just 20 we would hear “Why aren’t you pregnant yet?!” Like it’s some sort of crime. I’m sure it doesn’t make you feel any better, but those women who are popping out babies intentially without the finances, stability, or support to do so, probably WISH so badly that they had the maturity that you sound like you have, to wait to get pregnant. Even if they don’t seem like they feel that way, they probably do. The way I think of it, is – there should be no reason why bringing another life into this world shouldn’t be anything short of a miracle, and a thing to be celebrated – so if I had a million reasons to be upset when I found out I was pregnant, it would devestate me. That’s not to say situations have to be 100% ideal for you to get pregnant, but making it so everything is as comfortable and situated as possible for you to feel like your pregnancy is truly a blessing and makes YOU happy – then that’s great. I know it can be hard to ignore the comments, but you have to do what’s right for you 🙂
Post # 3
That sounds really frustrating. I feel like thinking about pregnancy/wanting a baby frames you to notice it EVERYWHERE! It happens to me too.
Just know that you are doing the right thing. You’re already planning to be a great mom – making sacrifices now to make sure your baby has the best life you can provide.
Enjoy your friends’ babies for now. Play with them lots and give them lots of love. From your stories, it sounds like they might need it.
Post # 4
allyfally: Last year, a few months before we started TTC, I was chatting with this girl at my brother’s engagement party. She had her first kid (OOPS) when she was 18, and had another a few years later (I think she’s about 27 now, and married to the father of her kids). Anyways, she kept telling me “Are you pregnant yet!? Have a kid! What are you waiting for?!?! I don’t know what I even did before I had kids!” All I could think was, “YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL! That’s what you did!” I was 31 at the time and spent my 20’s traveling all over the world, skiing, doing awesome outdoor adventures, and meeting my husband, who I did lots of fun things with before we decided to TTC. Just smile politely and know you are doing the right thing, and enjoy this last bit of time before you do have kids. And rant on WB at how ridiculous they are 🙂
Post # 5
allyfally: You’re waiting to TTC so you can provide for your child, unlike those people you mentioned who obviously are not making very good decisions with their lives and reproduction. I feel bad for those kids who have to be brought up in that lifestyle. It’s frustrating when people have babies before they’re financially and relationship/houseing-wise stable.
Post # 6
MrsAKSkier: lol! I laughed so hard at the “YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL.” One of my friends sisters is 19 and has 2 kids. Its ridiculous.
Post # 7
allyfally: I am having the same issue. DH and I are emotionally ready but not financially at all. It’s really frustrating seeing ppl with no jobs, no home, and no income start popping out babies and talking about how awesome it is when we are just sitting over here trying to do the responsible thing. It does sting, but then I think about how little support and options many of those ladies have, how much they won’t be able to do for them or their babys, and how rough it was on my mom who never was able to make the “decision” to have kids- I’m 100% positive we were all accidents, all 4 of us. It also helps to think about how awesome it will be to actively try to get pregnant when we are ready, versus a whoopsies (not saying in any way that is bad, I was a big ol whoopsies), and how great of a lesson that will be to our future kiddos…
Post # 8
allyfally: Rant away, you’re not alone! I seem to remember posting something like this a number of months ago – something like how unfair it was that DH and I were actually bothering to get all our ducks in a row first, whereas some people we know seemed to just have a baby on a whim because they felt like “playing house”, and now get by on hand-outs from their parents, etc. It’s extra-sore now given that it happened so easily for them and it’s taking a bit longer for us… 🙁
Post # 9
whybee: Exactly. Completely unfair.
Good luck to you guys!
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
I was engaged for all of 5 mimutes before family started asking when we were going to have kids. And this continued at every family gathering from then on. We got pregnant a year after being married and it was nice to finally be able to tell them after all the prying. Do it when you’re ready. Everyone is just being nosy. It’s none of their business and it sounds like you’re doing the right thing.
Post # 11
I know exactly how you feel! I can’t tell you how many girls I know that had 1 or 2 kids by the time they turned 20! We are over here trying to do the responsible thing as well. I’ve watched DH’s brother’s wife get pregnant after she straight up told everyone she would have a baby without being financially stable because “her parents did it.” I’ve watched DH’s cousin’s wife get pregnant and they met last November, got engaged in December, and married in March. Theyre living off handouts and neither one has a stable job! Meanwhile, DH and I are both in our mid 20s, have stable jobs, he has a degree, I’m in school, and we pay all of our bills without handouts :o! Shocking right?! Lol
Post # 12
allyfally: DH and I will be TTC next summer and are going into super saver mode this year to get even more ready. Emotionally and mentally, we are ready. Financially-we would be just fine, but we want more than to be fine. We want to be smart about bringing our child into this world. We want to be able to enjoy me being pregnant and to just enjoy our baby when they arrive-not constantly stress about money! I know that money is never a given. Life happens and you definitely can’t plan for it, but I do think you can prepare to a comfortable point and then dive in. We both have an image in our head of how we want that time to be. We’re almost there, but not quite. It is so frustrating when people try to talk you into it like their opinion actually matters. Do they want me to say “Well since YOU said it’s okay, we better get started!” Come the f*** on, that’s not how this works. Good for you guys being responsible and knowing when the right time is all around for you! Ignore people. There’s a lot of stupid out there.
Post # 13
I feel you. I work with women who have had 3, 4, 5, and 6 children, who have all been taken away from them. They usually end up having the babies while in jail because they can’t stay clean, and obviousy the babies are the ones who suffer. Ugh, don’t get me started, it makes me so angry! Not to mention our tax dollars are raising their children. ..
Post # 14
Just found out about the pregnancy of yet another girl I know. She and her husband cancelled their wedding (4 months before the wedding) and eloped because they had set up all this stuff, and then when it came to pay for it then they couldnt afford it. *sigh*