Its time to let go..(I think)

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Does she harbor resentment about you getting married?

Post # 3
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m sorry for you. I am going through something sorta similar with one of my best friends. Loaded question but any way this has to do with you being engaged? I don’t know the back story so I may be totally off but I ask because in my situation, it was my friend being jealous. 

Either way, I think it’s silly you poured your heart out to her and she couldn’t give you a thoughtful response. 

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It sucks, but sometimes people just grow apart. It sounds like you are at different places in your life, and while I hate this idea that everyone who isn’t married is jealous of everyone who is, I do think that it can be tough to maintain a friendship when your priorities are different.

I think you just have to accept that she’s phasing you out. I’m sorry, but it sounds like she’s done with this friendship.

Post # 6
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Kimmel Center of Performing Arts

I have a best friend who is single and we have been friends for well over 12 years and we are nowhere near as close as we once were. She became very bitter toward my relationship and would say comments like ” I’m looking for a man like yours”, Who says things like that? People get jealous and resentful because they secretly wish to be in your position. I think it’s best to distance yourself because you don’t need toxic friends in your life. Friendships should not be draining and stressful. That’s when you know it’s time to let it go. Let her reach out to you and then you can decided where to go from there. Hope everything works out! 

Post # 7
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Daizy914:  yeah I definitely sense some jealousy and who needs that negativity?! I agree-flat out asking her if she’s jealous will cause problems. She will probably get very defensive. As a friend she should be excited for your house plans, etc. Maybe try asking her if everything has been ok in her life lately? Say she seems distant (if you haven’t worded it that way). Hope you can maintain your friendship!

Daizy914:  

Post # 9
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a hard time with your friend. Like some posters said previously, sometimes people just grow apart. i think aa hard as it might be to admit it to yourself, her actions ( and even her words ) are showing you that she’s not interested in your friendship anymore. If I were you I wouldn’t push it and focus on your other friends. Life is too short for you to make time for someone who won’t do the same for you. 

Post # 10
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

Daizy914:  “Im sorry you feel that way”– I absolutely agree with you!! this is NOT an apology whatsoever- I flip when people say this to me. They’re being passive aggressive by refusing to admit they did anything wrong, and they’re trying to flip the situation by implying you are in the wrong for getting upset- WTF?! I would really like to know how this asinine way of thinking came about- who the hell raised these jerks? do they teach this crap in school? How did I miss that class?! An apology is “I’m sorry” PERIOD!

I learned this lesson hard- that phrase is a HUGE RED FLAG, and you need to just cut her out of your life immediately! You don’t need to respond to any more messages, just ignore her completely. If she comes back with an honest apology then take her back and talk- but otherwise you’re better off without her!! Those people are aholes.

Post # 11
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

yumcheez:  ++++++1!!!

This chick is dicking you around now…. she knows how you feel and still doesn’t give a crap about it. Any real friend would’ve responded to your email by saying “hang on, I’m calling you right now” and explaining herself and trying to solve whatever issue you guys may have or have had in the past, and most importantly apologizing for making you feel bad wether it was intentional or not.

Similar thing happened to me with my best friend. He got engaged to one of my coworkers (which i set them up). The moment they got engaged and even a bit before, he was completely different and completely cut ties with me. Never called, never replied…. it was pretty hurtful. One day he text messaged my FI asking for a favor (of course…) and my FI told him to pound sand. That’s when my friend decided to text me and say “whateve is going on, we need to act like adults and figure out a solution”. I wrote him an email and layed EVERYTHING out. His response “lets just forget about this”. Seriously? That was his response to an email the size of a college paper?? Fuck that….. I never had an issue to resolve with him and after pouring out all my feelings and telling him how badly he had hurt me, that’s the response I got. No thanks…. I’ll see you at my wedding but only because I want your chick there! After that….. nope!

My dear you need to move on. Start going out with your girlfriends and if she’s there, fine. You can’t wait around for her to realize she’s being an asshole. 

Good luck…… friendship drama sucks!

Post # 12
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

MrsPiggles:  Oh and sorry for the language, I’m at work and it rubs in really fast haha. I work surrounded by potty mouths!

Post # 13
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Daizy914: hey girl! I’m going to say letigo on this one. if you guys were once close but she’s distancing herself then she’s the one with this issue. her sry you feel this way bs is bs. She’s trying to put it on you. What I learned is if you aren’t willing to come to the table and work shit out then you have 50%+ of the blame. 

Not saying you are perfect (She probably perceives you as doing or representing something wrong in her life) but you are at least willing to come to the table. 

You can’t force her to meet you halfway. Mourn the loss of your friendship. Clue your other girlfriends in: “hey you are super important to me and I want to make sure we prioritze our friendship. I need my girl time so please let me know when you want to hang — solo or in a group :)” 

no need to bring up dramz, but you should make an effort to ensure your other girlfriends keep you in the loop. 

Have chocolate, wine, cake whatever. Take yourself to a massage or whatever helps you feel centered. 

You seem like a sweet person so just focus on the friends who will meet you halfway. 

Post # 14
Member
49 posts
Newbee

Daizy914:  I can only comment on the “why is she calling other girls” thing. It may be one of the following:

-she feels that all you talk about is marriage or you changed in a way or she thinks you changed in a way(obviously I don’t know if that’s true or whatever but it can also be something else other than marriage. I have drifted apart from a friend because all she ever talked about anymore were the guys she was sleeping with and i felt that she had changed)

-she just wants to be around people that don’t know her well and forget about whatever that is that’s troubling her. I’m leaning towards this option more because I personally sometimes just don’t wanna talk about any problem etc and I specifically spend time with people I’m not that close to when I’m having a hard time. You can say that if she wants to not talk about it you’d just not talk about it, but she would still be reminded of her problems.

and also, if she’s going through a really really hard time, she might be thinking that you’re making it about yourself, leading her to think you are being selfish, and she just doesn’t find it in herself to fix it. that’s the only way I can explain “i’m sorry you feel that way”.

If one of the above is not the case just let her go because she is just completely jealous that she can’t stand to be with you anymore. good luck!

 

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