Its too soon for me to be a waiting Bee, but the anxiety is there all the same

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

@hazeleyez:  I get where you are coming from, even though you have not been together that long. 

But I think you know what you have to. You are only 25 and it is never too late to turn things around. So buckle down and get you figured out first. Then everything else will fall into place.

Good luck.

Post # 4
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@hazeleyez:  I can relate to your story–I was ready for marriage before I met my SO!

I told him (and all other men I went on dates with at the time), that I was 27, I’m not playing around, I’m dating to marry.  Then, about after 4 months, SO and I were just hitting it off very well and we were both making comments/joking about marriage.

When the time is right in your life, AND you meet someone who you get along with, you are attracted too, and you love…you are ready for marriage.

I agree with @beemo:  25 is still young.  I’m 30 about to be 31…SO and I talk marriage and we are working towards marriage…but it’s going to be 2-4 years away.  We are saving, taking our time with it…and while we are not officially engaged, we know it’s what we want and we are working towards it. 

If you are worried about your next steps of financial dependence you can do what I did–I opened an emergency savings account (for me)…and a wedding/house savings account (for us).  SO knows about it, he is saving too…but it’s great to know that I am already saving for OUR future and not just for myself.

Hang in there!!

Post # 5
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@hazeleyez:  I’m sorry you’re not where you’d like to be in life, but at least you have an amazing son and a boyfriend you love 🙂

I think honesty and communication are the most important things in a relationship, and telling your boyfriend how you feel about marriage is NOT pressuring him. It’s being honest. But

 it’s unclear to me why you’re focusing on getting engaged, when it sounds like a huge parr of what you really want is to live together? I understand financial constraints, but I don’t see the point in getting engaged if you won’t be able to live together when you’re married.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d set a goal! Like “Be moved out of my mother’s house and back in college by December 2014” or “Better job and decrease student loan debt by 5K by December 2014”

Post # 7
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Coming from a married bee… wanting marriage to fill an emotional gap is never a good idea. It’s definitely not all security, rainbows and butterflies. You really need to be on your own two feet first!

Post # 8
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have been there. And we were dating about 6 months when it really hit me. We both really felt the same way. His “I love you” came about 3 months after dating! So here I am, 19 years old, having dated for 4 years, we are married. If it feels right, no matter what age or time frame, it could be it.

Post # 9
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

@lealorali:  I agree wholeheartedly. Marriage isn’t all butterflies and rainbows. Even when married, you will still feel lonely sometimes, you will still feel a bit lost, still wonder what you want to do with your life. Friends of mine say “well, at least you’re married!” and I say yes, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t get lonely or feel a little bit lost sometimes. You remain the same person that you were before, just married. OP, I do not doubt that you love your boyfriend, but I think right now you are just craving security.

Post # 12
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m a waiting bee and my bf and I have only been together 8 months. When you know you know!

Post # 13
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Actually that’s true…you do just know. We could have gotten engaged immediately and been fine, but I can’t help but feel like our wedding way, in that time, place, and with those in attendance…that was the way it was meant to be for us.

 

Post # 15
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

@hazeleyez:  I know it’s tough to do. Sometimes I am like WHY did I have to wait seven years? Then I remember that we both had a lot of growing up to do, and still do. If it is right, it will come.

 

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