(Closed) Ive been a pretty crappy fiance…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I think a lot of bees wish their Fis were more involved. It seems like youre trying to make up for it, which is good! Try to move past it and remember it as a learning experience. Focus on the fact that you get to marry your best friend in a month! You’ll have the rest of your life to make it up to him and you’ve already started!

Post # 4
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@hollykirsten:  you poor thing, wedding planning is stressful & I have had a few ‘goes’ at my FI about it.  I told him off for waiting so long to propose and told him I would have been happier if I had planned a wedding in my 20s not 30s, and I feel guilty about that.  I guess your FI will know it is stressful, just try to be extra sweet lol like you are doing. 

Post # 5
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

some key words you pointed out are that he is easy going. Therefore he accepted your apology and moved on easily. This is perfect, there cant be 2 organsiers in the relationship it just doesnt work, you are different from each other and this is essential in a relationship, it just so happens that the wedding has made this more obvious.

Let me ask you this, Do you really want his imput, what if it isnt the way you want it anyway, your only going to nag him into your way (well thats what i do). Trust me Im the same as you and its ok to be that way, dont feel bad, its taking me 14 years with my partner to be ok with stuff like this.

You say there is not much of a response out of him when you tell him you love him and how excited you are about the wedding, but you also said this is what he is like in general so i dont think there is anything wrong or that you are not as close to each other.

My advice is just accept him for how he is, its who you fell in love with. Most guys honestly could not care less about this stuff and they are more than happy for you to take control. If there is something you really want his imput for then give him a specific task and deadline and tell him how much you would love for him to do this small thing for you. I could tell you what always works for me but this perhaps is not the right forum haha

Trust me it will all fall into place on the day and im sure he will notice and appreciate all of your hard work. 

Trust me your are obviously a strong women you may not know it yet, you will look back on this crazy wedding stuff one day and laugh, all brides go through it. all the best and dont be sad my sweet it will be ok

Post # 6
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Don’t worry about it! A pregnant friend of mine joked to me recently that she thinks having a baby is easier than planning a wedding. I’ve been engaged for less than a month and I’ve already lost my mind 2 times!

Post # 8
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@hollykirsten:  Honestly, the last month before our wedding was the best, because everything was already done. The couple months prioir… dear god. I wouldn’t say I was a lunatic, but I was kind of picking fights and just being super sensitive and on the defensive about anything wedding related. Like having PMS for 8 solid weeks.

Happy to say its been smooth sailing ever since!

Post # 9
Member
9625 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@hollykirsten:   You already received some great answers from the PP’s, but I just wanted to say that your attitude is lovely!  I can tell you love him so much.  You have plenty of time to make it up to him.  Besides, planning a wedding is one of the most stressful times in anyone’s life, it’s natural to be a little more on edge. 

You’ve apologized and made it right with him – now you have time to make the remainder of your engagement period as enjoyable and beautiful as you possibly can.  Enjoy!  🙂

Post # 10
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@hollykirsten:  All these lovely ladies are right. I to had a hard time enjoying being engaged because he was not so much into it. I finally said to myself I would not nag him about a thing and slowly he started putting his input on his own. I think that if you just not talk about wedding stuff, especially when you are at home relaxing, he will slowly start getting into it. My DH didnt really get into until the last month. 

Post # 11
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is all good advice for me too since I’m at the beginning of the process AND am planning my wedding from across the world AND am already having anxiety nightmares!!!

Post # 14
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

Though my FI has been great with the wedding planning, I feel like all the planning, changes, moving, new jobs, etc. has really detracted from our relationship.  Sometimes, I feel like our relationship is on hold until after the wedding.  I don’t like that that’s how it is, but it is what it is (hate that saying!!).  We were together for 6.5 years before we got engaged, so our relationship can handle being on the backburner for a couple months.  It’s really only been the last 2 months it’s felt this way since we bought a house in May and I think there are just too many things on our plates.  I think it’s normal for that to happen, and if your relationship can survive that, then you know you can survive more shit down the road because you know there will be!

Also… the reason he’s been “great” with wedding planning is that there were few things he was interested in, and I knew I wanted to do most of it (besides those things) my way.  I only asked for help if it was something I knew he might be interested in/have an opinion on.  Other than that, the wedding planning was my domain.  The things we did together were: food, cake, venue, ceremony components, fun reception things (i.e. yard games) and his suit.  Everything else is me and I prefer it that way and so does he, so it worked out.  I think it really helped that I went into wedding planning assuming the worst, hat he would not give one shit about planning so that now that he cares about quite a few things, I’m quite pleasantly surprised.  But, that’s probably a personality trait of mine since I usually expect the worst so I’m happy in the end.

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