Weddingbee boards

This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life...I have been engaged all of three weeks though and already my family are taking over.

Please Note: really I don't have a leg to stand on here because my family are paying for most of the wedding. The only things they are not paying for is the dress (that's me) Church, cars, flowers, rings, grog at reception (that's FH) - so this is just a rant post

I come from a family that are OBSESSED with what people think of them. I have a little bit of it in me but I try to stay away from that kind of thinking.

All I want to do is be married...that's it.

I've been engaged for 3 weeks now and already we've set a date (which I put my foot down and fought for because they wanted me to wait an extra 12 months) for 22 Feb 2014 fair enough

They've contacted the church and asked for a minister they want

They're getting ready to put a deposit down on the reception

We already have the dress

They are making lists of who to invite

This is all well and good but now after a letter from my FMIL congratulating me and stating that she can't wait to meet me next Feb when I travel there, which I thought was really nice, they are now conviced that she is trying to take over the wedding when she has neither said anything about it or even had an imput (because she lives in a different country).

Then my FH said that he wanted his brother (who is 20) to be his best man. They are ok with that because he is tall. When put on the spot my FH said that he wanted his youngest brother (who will be 14 at the wedding) to be the second groomsman because that is who he is close to.

Well my family have now chucked a fit. This is not even a concrete decision! But no FH can't have his youngest brother because he's too young and too short and it will be bad for the bridesmaid.

Who are they to tell him who he can have as a groomsman (is there a thing that I'm missing?!)

Next order of business is bridesmaids. I don't have any close girlfriends that I really even want as a bridesmaid - my cousin who was going to be my bridesmaid had a falling out with the family and is no longer welcome in our lives or house.

I don't really want ANY bridesmaids but I'm being forced to choose some otherwise the photos will look stupid. I agreed to one and as soon as that happened they said they wanted two (for the record I'm not even sure the girls I'm planning on asking will say yes)

I know I don't have much say in all this because I am not paying for much (we are doing the traditional monetary split) but honestly, am I being unreasonable here?

Then we get to the point, that I don't even really care, because I have known for years that this was going to happen, I would have no say in my own wedding so I didn't really think about it too much, but I care for my FH and I want him to be able to pick who he wants.

then I get asked today what FH is most excited about - I have not asked him this to his face so I just went off the things he's been talking about and what I know he is like.

So I said at first, he is most excited about being married - my nan instantly took that to mean he only cares about sex which is NOT true. He is excited to be able to call me his wife, to spend the rest of his life with me. She said that that's not good enough.

A couple of hours later I said to her that he is most excited about designing the wedding rings (which he is really excited about because we've already talked about it several times and again today) and she said that that still wasn't good enough.

So I exasperately said well I'll just ask him then "no, don't ask him, stupid girl. Why would you do something like that, you can't ask him that" is the answer I got.

WTF do they want from me??!!

I couldn't really give a damn about ONE DAY. Yes I want to wear a pretty dress and dance and say my vows in a church, but it's one fricking day! I just want my life with my husband to start!!!

And to think that my family wants us to move in with them after we're married so that we don't have to pay for rent - they say - I know it's truly because they don't want me living 20kms away (we live in Sydney city). And they will also want to control where we buy our future house!

I love my family and everything they do for me and I could never elope because that would destroy our relationship. They are too good to me and I know I sound like a whiny brat but honestly, I'm a person that doesn't stress about things and it's them bitching about every little detail that is putting me on edge

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

/end rant

@meetmethere2013:  well, lets put it this way. If i step in I get told I'm stupid, have no taste, don't know anything about weddings and how they should be run.

If I try to defend any of my FH choices (all two of them) i get told that he is trying to take over the wedding and he is just a bloody kiwi (New Zealander) and they are an arrogant race anyway with no senses of humour.

Then we need to keep in mind that they love him and me any other time. It only gets nasty if they don't get what they want.

@ElbieKay:  believe me elopement has been a serious option for years.

I just don't want to ruin the memories of the day for both our families you know? I will never be forgiven, we'll lose any support from them (and that includes in the future as well)

Paying for my own wedding so I could have what I wanted would be akin to eloping for them.

For the record...I also wanted a wishing well...but I'm "not allowed" to have that because "people will be offended"

@Moomin:  I know what you mean.

When I was younger I considered running away...many times. I did once.

When I mean support I mean everything

Financial support in a flash

Emotional support

They are my family! They are the only one I've got. And if I walk out on them I walk out on my younger brothers and I can't do that to them (I've had things happen in my life that have made me very emotionally and mentally resilient) when they go through their rebellious phases they'll need me to turn to and vent. I never had that but they'll need it.

I want my children to have grandparents (yes they'll have his mum and dad but they live in a different country)

As many times as I have weighed up the pros and cons, I just can't leave them like that.

As angry as I get, as emotionally abused and manipulated...I just can't.

It's days like this that I consider it, but then there are days like yesterday when we were trying on my wedding dress for the first time and they told me for the first time in my life that I looked absolutely beautiful, and slim, and elegant.

@Moomin:  I haven't talked to him about it yet.

He knows what their like. He loves them but he is worried about what it's going to be like when we have kids because my fam are so pushy.

But honestly, I'm having a massive bitch session right now, on here so I don't burden him with it. Because everything will probably be fine again tomorrow as it turns out he might pick his best friend to be in the bridal party and not his little brother

Joy of joys my bridesmaids might reject me (i actually really hope they do) and we won't even have to worry about it!

I know that is a really immature way to deal with things but that's what living with my family is like, ww3 one day and omg you are so wonderful the next.

It's why I do not want to move in with them after we're married...I want to get away!

If this escalates to the point that it's causing massive problems and they start talking to my FH about all of this (which currently he doesn't even know that they don't want his brother) I will step in and he will back me and I will back him. It will cause problems but at the end of the day as long as FH and I are married and happy I will just have to deal.

@Moomin:  Oh sorry didn't answer the first bit. Im not walking out on them - according to normal people.

I am also not trying to "take over the house" by not changing the channel on the tv fast enough

but we're not really dealing with people who are always rational here.