Post # 1
Already my new husband thought I was cheating on him! For several years, I’d been on many online dating sites. I keep receiving emails and spam from this one in particular. I clicked on the link (from an email they sent me) and went to the bottom of the page to “Unsubscribe” from the mailling list. I mean, I no longer have a need to be getting emails from an online dating site.
I didn’t realize that when I clicked on the link from the email that it went directly to the website. (I know it’s like DUH!) and so the site was stored in the recently visited pages. My husband saw it and was upset and hurt by this. (I don’t blame him)
All day yesterday he was quiet and wouldn’t tell me what was on his mind. Finally after we had dinner on our drive home, he said “I saw the dating site you’re on.” I didn’t know what he was referring to. I asked “What dating site?” “(M**chD**t*r)” he said. I’ve left some of the letters out for the sites privacy. Then it hit me. I told him that I’d registered on the site years ago and was still getting emails about my matches. I was trying to unsubscribe from the mailling list and that’s how it got into our recently visited pages.
I don’t think he thought I was being truthful. I begged and pleaded with him that I was in fact, being honest about this whole misunderstanding. I think finally, he got the message that I wasn’t out there, cheating on him. I just hate that he didn’t say to me when he first found it: “What’s this?” and I also hate that he jumped to a conclution that wasn’t even true.
Thanks for reading and feel free to give your advice.
Post # 3
He may be overreacting a little, but I would be hurt too if I found my new husband still receiving emails from dating websites, so I can’t really blame you. You need to get on those sites IMMEDIATELY and unsubscribe and remove yourself so you stop getting emails. I was on one of those sites several years ago and I don’t remember it being a difficult process to unsubscribe.
Post # 4
That sucks he jumped to that conclusion, but maybe you should have went to him after you did it and said something like “ugh, I kept getting emails from the dating sites I used to use so I started unsubscribing cuz I obviously don’t need them anymore!” That way, you are being cool and upfront and obviously don’t have anything to hide. Some people are just that way, so you have to head them off at the pass
Post # 5
Having been cheated on personally, I know that it can take time to get over that initial hurt – even if you find out you were mistaken. Trust can be really hard.
Give it time, and reassure him that you’re not interested in anyone else. If you were sneaking around, you obviously wouldn’t have left the site in the internet history, afterall!
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice! I know he will come around with time. I saw the happiness come back shorty after I explained myself. Now, I’m just waiting on his call on break! hehe.
Post # 7
Wow, jumping the gun a bit, isn’t he? And SNOOPING. I hate it when people snoop, it never gives the whole picture and always ends badly. To think you can determine something from browsing through a computer history (why was he doing this anyways??)
I think he is the only person in the wrong here, and totally owes YOU an apology for doubting you, especially after you told him the 100% truth. It’s not like you were excahnging raunchy emails with another man!
Post # 8
I think that he is overreacting. Just because something is in your browser once doesn’t really mean anything. I have some sites that I have been unsubscribing from for almost a year and they still send emails. That isn’t always your fault!
Post # 9
Did you guys meet on the site? If so, he especially needs to get it together.
Post # 10
Pharmy – I dont’ think he was snooping. A lot of times if you type somethign into the browsers bar prior websites come up. I am very good at cleaning out my history and that leads me to the history my FI has been on. I also sometimes use my history to go back to a couple pages I visited earlier. There are a lot of ways/reasons her husband may have found this and not beeing trying to snoop. I hate when people jump to conclusions.
With that being said, I do think he jumped to a conclusion but I think thats human nature to some degree. Hoepfully he will accept your explanation and you guys can move on.
Post # 11
It sounds like maybe he has some insecurities (did you guys have any problems with cheating in the past, or did he have any cheating ex-girlfriends?). Try to see it as something he’s struggling with rather than something against you. I think you responded well, though. If he’s struggling with insecurities it may take him a while, but just keep reassuring him of your love and commitment (calling him on his break is a sweet idea :-D) and it’ll get better.
Post # 12
Has he always been like this? I would have very little patience for someone who mistrusted me so easily (of course, I don’t know what your history together is like, so maybe there are other factors involved). I think he owes you an apology, 100%, and I can’t believe he made you plead with him to believe you.
Post # 13
To some of the responders: I don’t think he had to be snooping to find that out. On our computers, Safari guesses that you want the sites you’ve been to before when you start typing.
To the OP: I really don’t think either of you did anything wrong, it was just unfortunate that it happened. Give him time and I’m sure he’ll get over it fairly quickly. I bet that initial sting of betrayal is what he’s still a little hurt by, but he does believe you.
Post # 14
Melissabegins No we didn’t meet on this site in particular. We met on another dating site.
MaybeeBecca I’ve cheated on ONE of my bf’s and that was in high school. I met a guy when I was working and we still stay in contact and my husband doesn’t like it, but he does know. He worries I’ll cheat on him with the guy I met @ work. (I could never do that to my husband)
Cinnamon Roll He hasn’t always been this way, hence why I married him. He’s really a sweet guy. As I told the other postee, I was working for a company and met a guy. We were nothing more than friends and my husband worries I’ll cheat on him with the guy I met at work. (I would never do a thing) The other guy is married himself!
Post # 15
If you guys met on a dating site, then clearly he’s internet savvy, and should be aware of the concept of spam email mailing list.
For example, just because I once gave my information to Zappos and found some great shoes on there a long time ago, and they still send coupon email and whatnot to my inbox doesn’t mean that I am buying new shoes all the time and wishing and hoping that new Zappos emails will show up.
He needs to get a grip.
Post # 16
FYI I did the exact same thing to my FI as your husband did to you.
We met online and one day he was in the shower and I was on the laptop and typing something in the browser and a dating website popped up. I waited for him to get out of the shower and then freaked out and he explained that he was checking his hotmail and had a ton of spam from this website and was trying to figure out how to get them to stop e-mailing him. He showed me the history and it was the tooth. I believed him right away however and am sorry that your hubs took a while to come around.
Lesson learned: stupid misunderstanding that can happen to anybody!