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I promise there is another venue out there for you. But at the same time, I wouldn't feel too bad if you booked the same venue. I am sure that you will both decorate it totally differently. Have you asked your friend about her decision? You could tell her that it's so great that you two are going to get married at the same place.
Where do you live? Maybe ask the local boards for venue selections and you can find something better?
If you love it, then keep it. Just be prepared that you might run into similar things in the future- color schemes, etc.
Aren't you getting married first? I think you should just keep it. Be positive! At least you can help her out after you're done with your wedding.
i think you should just keep it. you found the venue and loved it. also, since your wedding is first i don't think it's such a big deal. if she gets mad at you for taking the same venue just tell her that you have always wanted your wedding there and gently remind her that you're the one who found it first.
Because you had the idea first, and because you shared it, I would go ahead with the venue. If she mentions something about it, be honest: "Oh! Remember I told you about this venue before you were engaged? We've been planning to marry there since then!" It was your idea, so go for it. You're getting married first anyway, so if anything she'll look like the copycat she is.
PS-This is a little like Bride Wars, have you seen it? LOL
If you love your venue, you should not be deterred from having the wedding of your dreams there, no matter if your friend booked it first. Every wedding is unique in its design and taste so don't worry about it and make the most out of your experience and make your wedding shine!
Plus, they say imitation is a form of flattery!!
Wow, previous posters are being really nice about this, I would be furious. I swear that I am not a drama queen, but I would have a really hard time getting over this. Do I understand this? You picked venue, your friend books it and doesn't tell you until after she books it? No discussions? Wrong.
Did she book it on your wedding date? If not, then I would be flattered that she loved your venue enough to book it for her wedding; especially since her wedding is after yours and it will be obvious that she was inspired by you!
Niki - she still hasn't even told me is the thing. She told me she booked the venue, but hasn't told me which one. However, her and her parents have told everyone else in the world where it is.
MightySapphire - I haven't seen it, but it's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. haha :)
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Maybe she forgot you mentioned it? That happens to me a lot... I'll mention an idea to a friend and then later they'll forget that I mentioned it. I don't really share ideas nearly as much any more, cuz of this very issue!
If your wedding is in October, I say you go for it. Not only can you pull out all the stops with gorgeous fall themed centerpieces and colors, but you also have crisp, autumn weather and scenery on your side.
If you're in love with this venue go for it. If she booked for February 2010 then honestly, she'll look like a venue thief to the majority of the guests.
Also, she wouldn't possibly have a similar wedding to you because her season's off and she'd come off looking like a copy cat. On top of this, who's to say she booked the same room/time of day?
Go for it. Life is short and you're only getting married once. If you're this in love with it, I say do it.
She hasn't even told you? One thing to think about when deciding if you want to also have your wedding there, is are you going to be OK with it when everyone compares your wedding with hers (which will happen no matter what because you are getting married so close to each other, but it will be worse if you have your weddings in the same place)? I would expect that to go on the entire night of the reception and beyond.
I also say book it, if it's the venue you really love. She hasn't told you she booked it for her own wedding, so technically you may not even know that it's also her venue! You shouldn't miss out on the venue you really want just because she swooped in. And if she gets mad about it, honestly she has no right to because you told her that it's where you wanted your reception.
If she tends to be a copycat kind of friend, though, I would be prepared for her to "borrow" more of your wedding ideas for her own wedding, since yours will be occuring 4 months before hers. If you're not okay with that, maybe it's all worth confronting her about.
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Unless she booked your wedding date, I would not be worrying about this. It's a wedding venue...tons of brides are going to be getting married there! If anything the comparisons are going to be on her because her wedding will come after yours. It is weird that she hasn't told you...I think that means she feels embarrassed to tell you because she is afraid you will be mad. But seriously, who cares? It's not like she stole your groom, right? :)
There will be plenty of things you can do to make your wedding special and unique. If you really love this place I don't think you should let her stop you. Years from now you don't want to look back and say that you had your wedding somewhere you didn't love as much just because you were trying to be different than your friend. What will matter is your day, not hers. Even if she carbon copies everything you do, it is still your day that matters and you should do what you like best.
Wow. I didn't know she hadn't told you...I'm with Niki. Extend an olive branch, and smack her with it!
LOL
But seriously, you might want to talk to her about this...if only because it'll be bothering you and she'll know something is wrong, but if you don't tell her what, she won't have a clue.
And I still say stick with the venue. I had 4 friends get married and have their receptions in the SAME places (Navy life) but they were all unique and they all had a definite flavor to them that was unique to the bride and groom. If WB has taught me anything, it's that no matter how much you try to copy someone's ideas, in the end they are still different. (We beg borrow and steal from each other all the time, but nothing is ever exactly the same!)
I say totally book it yourself. Your wedding is first, so she will look like the copycat. So book it and send out your STD right away!
I'd be pretty mad about it too!!! Something similar happened to one of my girl friends (her FSL deliberately stole her theme & first dance song). Needless to say she never tells the FSL anymore of her ideas. It's such a horrible thing to do.
But I'm also with the go ahead and book the venue vote! You love the venue and you mentioned it first. Plus your wedding date comes first.
I can see being upset. I wanted to make sure kmy venue was one none of my friends or family had...ever... not just over the course of a few months. With that said, I think that you should stick with the venue if it's your first choice. Besides your wedding would be the one to come first. And any "wow" first impression factors would come for your wedding, and be less so for hers. I agree with the other posters who think that she'll look like the venue robber.
You should still get married there. She's getting married AFTER you, so she'll look like a copycat.
And, yes, you have a right to be upset, BUT, perhaps she forgot that you mentioned it, OR she loved it so much, she wanted to too.
I wouldn't say a word, and just make sure that you make the place look amazing, so no one forgets about your wedding :)
I don't get the whole "robbing" tone of this thread. Unless you live in a large city, there are only so many places to hold a wedding reception. So if two friends who live in the same town are reserving a reception venue, it is very likely they could both like the same place. What's the big deal??
A weddding is NOT about the venue. In my town there are four or five nice places to have a reception so naturally there have been "repeats" in venues among friends. But each reception has its own flavor and is unique and special (it's a differnt bride and groom and set of guests, for heavens sake!).
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I really don't understand people fighting over venues. The venue is meant to be used for different events, why wouldn't someone use it just because you are using it?
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I fall in line with those saying it's not that big a deal. Just ignore it, go ahead with your wedding planning, and have the best and most personal wedding you can, regardless of what anyone else is doing. I think this is one of those things where no one will notice or care as much as the bride, much like pink roses vs. blush roses, you know?
There will always be comparisons between any weddings--I go to a wedding and think of all the other fun weddings I've been to and naturally compare/contrast, it's not meant to be mean, it just is.
My fiance's best friend is getting married 2 weeks before us in the same city, the guest list will be enormously similar. I already know there will be comparisons, and I'm not even sure yet where they're having their wedding. Who knows? They may pick our venue. I just want to ensure that our event is as much "us" and as comfortable for our guests as possible. At the end of the day, that and your marriage license are all that matters.
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the "robbed" feeling comes from the whole "keeping it quiet" thing. If EVERYONE knows why is her friend being so coy? because she KNOWS she only found that place thanks to littlemisskate.
If she would have just "forgotten" the venue was mentioned before, there wouldn't be any evasiveness and her 'friend' would be straight forward.
I say BOOK IT! You're getting married first, right? so do it!
I would keep the venue if it is truly your dream venue, after all, as the other Bees have said, your wedding will be first & really with different flowers, colors & other wedding decor, the same space can look completely different.
I would keep the venue. Your wedding style will be different. Your style of the wedding will transform the place. It's just a place to hold your wedding, your decorations won't be the same. If you love it then go with it, don't worry about what people say.
Unfortunately, I learned the hard way also. My FH sister got engaged the day after us...wasn't a coincidence (even though she claims it is) anyways....I don't share anything about our wedding in front of his family because she is the type of person to steal the ideas! After this incident, if you book the venue anyways (I would because number 1 you love it, number two your wedding is before hers, and three if you told people about it before she booked it they knew you wanted it before she booked it!) But learn from this and dont share your ideas until after they made a decision that way they can't take your ideas from now on!!!!
I would book the venue anyways, who cares, she will look like the fool!
And even with the same venue, you probably will have different colors, etc so they won't be the same!
Perhaps your friend absolutely fell in love with it. She knows that your wedding is first, and she knows that she might look like the copy cat, but maybe she loves it soooo much (and in 10 years, she won't be comparing her own wedding to yours-- she'll be remembering her special day in a place that she loved). It does seems like this was a little malicious if your friend booked the venue knowing you liked it, and is telling everyone but you. But perhaps she doesn't mean anything by it!
That being said, before you book it, make sure you consider a few things. First, as others mentioned, people WILL compare your wedding to hers. It is only natural since they are in the same place.
Second, consider your friendship with this friend. It seems like she is in the wrong, since it appears that she booked it behind you back. But I think that you might want to talk to her about the situtaion first. You could even say that you were looking at the place, and when you told your mutual friends that you were going to book, you found out that she had already booked. Two wrongs don't make a right-- so even if she booked it behind your back, its probably best that you talk to her about it before going behind HER back. If she gets really mad, you'll have the opportunity to explain yourself to her personally, which is the most respectful thing to do. Just know that, in the worst case scenario, this could affect your friendship. If she isn't a a great friend to begin with, this might not bother you that much, but just make sure you are aware of it. In 5 years from now, which will matter the most-- that she is still your friend, or that you had your wedding at your dream location. (There isn't a right answer here- you just need to figure out your priorities.)
Third, make sure that THAT is the place you really love. I know you've probably thought about it for a while and TRULY love it, but look around and make sure that there isn't a better place out there. Perhaps her booking it made you want it even more, but if you really look around, there might be a more perfect place out there (and this could be a blessing in disguise!). If you look around and still think that the first place is the one you love the best, go for it!
BeachBrideT - Great explanations! I think these is the best way to go about your situation. Think before you act!
You were right when you said this was a 'minor dilemma'. I agree with much of the good advice so far. Your wedding will be uniquely yours and no one can take that from you.
I grew up in a medium-sized town where there weren't a lot of venue choices. Weddings, proms, and any other major life events were held at 1 of 3 venues. As you can imagine, there were a lot of repeats, but every wedding was completely different. The people are the most important part -- not the venue... the bride and groom plus the guests make the wedding special. Don't sweat the venue, just go with it.
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I'm not even two weeks into this and I already have a minor dilemma...
About a year ago, I found the most incredible venue nearby that I completely fell in love with. It had everything I was looking for and was in my price range. Naturally, I was excited and told my two best friends about it.
Fast forward a little bit....one of my best friends got engaged right around the same time I did. We have all known for a long time that she and her fiance were planning on getting married February 2010, and my fiance and I were looking at October 2009. Well, before I even had the chance, my friend booked my venue. I was completely shocked - 1. because we have completely different tastes, and 2. I really didn't think my friend would do something like that.
I can't help but feel a little jipped, a little hurt...and kind of weird about the whole thing. We grew up together, so we know all the same people. I don't want to be the one seen as the venue thief. So, I keep going back in forth about whether or not that is still where I want to have our wedding.
I'm trying to keep a good perspective on it all, because when all is said and done all that really matters is that we're married and are starting our marriage off on the right foot.
Any thoughts or advice?
P.S. I have learned my lesson and won't be sharing any more details with her :)