- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
It has always been the plan that when me and the mister can finally be together, he will move to me.
A bit of background. We both had work placements with contracts, he had to work for 2 yrs post qualifying, I had to work for 1 in our respective places. I cut my contract and ran after qualifying. I was in a city I hated and I moved back home (100 miles). We’re optometrists, and the NHS works slightly differently in different counties, I had to re-learn referral pathways and stuff having just got to grips with it elsewhere. Anyway, best decision I ever made as I was closer to travel to him again and I was far happier in the workplace. He hasn’t moved/broken his contract; he loves where he works.
Recently one or two people have made me think I’m being selfish for asking him to come and live with me. Some have just assumed I’d go to him. I’ve joked that I’ve moved my 100 miles, he can move his!. He comes from a small family, by coming to live with me he would be away from his mum and dad; but he would be closer to his aunt and uncle than what he is now and we would be ‘better connected’ road wise to visit friends from university. My family is by no means large, but many of them are still local and I have a bigger support network. He would still be able to easily visit his family.
I have finally found people I love to work for, who respect me and have given me responsibility in the workplace. I know that when I have kids they will accommodate me with part time work that suits me. My mum works part time still at the moment and my dad will be retiring in 5 yrs. His mum and dad both work flexi-time only know their hours from week to week, his dad had to retire from ill health with his last job (he’s asthmatic) and his mum had an accident which affected her left leg, on some days it plays up and she can be in quite some pain. Gareth has been offered £5k more to stay on where he is, that puts him on quite a high wage for how long he’s been qualified and I worry that he wouldn’t progress much further. I also worry that I won’t get a job out there, where he lives is smaller than where I do so their are fewer jobs going. I live in a city,so there’s a very good chance he’d get one here.
So having been made to think ‘hmmmm this is all a bit one sided here, will we be doing the right thing’ I mentioned it to him, and wasn’t expecting the reaction I got. He feels all indecisive now on whether coming here is the right thing to do. I’m hoping that he’s just getting cold feet as he’s never moved jobs like this before, he only knows one way of working and that’s been the way he’s been taught. He’s up and moving from his family, again something he’s scared of doing. I think its coming to realisation that he’s grown up, and a lot of new stuff is happening at once. We’ve sat and really thought about it. I managed to clear my head and figured out that it still works out better to be out here, I’m happy to move to where he is further down the line, but for the next few years here is were we could do with being.
I know he’s giving up a lot, I’d be giving up more by going to him. I feel so guilty, but I don’t know what else to do. I wish I’d kept my mouth shut and learned to deal with how guilty I was that way. At least he’d know in his head where he was still standing. He’s said to me ‘let’s face it , we both know I’ll come to you anyway’, but with it being put like that I feel even worse :S
What would you guys do? Is there any advice? I don’t know if there is :S Thanks for listening to me.