I've decided to leave my fiance. Need support.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

HUGS! I am so sorry you are going through this situation, but I want you to know that I feel like you are doing the right thing! 

You deserve a man that CANNOT WAIT to marry you! Not one that still isn’t sure. Its great that you are still so young and have a good job. It will hurt, but you will survive and you will be happier in the long run. I promise! 

Post # 4
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@anonbee3333:  Honey, there is a man that’s going to move heaven and Earth to be with you…and you’ll have the devil’s job of keeping him from dragging you to the altar the day after you meet, but you have to get to him, and you have go through this part to get there….and I know it hurts, you thought this was the one….and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for wanting it to be. 

Give it time, get on your feet, your fella’s waiting for you, keep a sharp eye on the horizon and you’ll find him soon enough.

Post # 5
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I’m really sorry…you sound like you are being really reasonable about the situation and I applaud you for that.

I’ve told this story on here, before, but I think it is applicable here.

I was married for 6 months when I was 22/23. Shortly before the wedding I realized I probably shouldn’t go through with it because he was really showing his domineering and verbally abusive personality. I didn’t have the balls to call it off…and I so wish I would have! He was obviously having an emotional problem with getting married (not surprising as he was so young), and 2 months into the marriage it all fell apart.

You have been toiling with this for a long time now, and you will feel so free once you are on your own. Go girl! You have plenty of time to find someone who will be SURE that he loves you!

Post # 6
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@SweetartMD:  +1 the right guy would be thrilled with the idea of marrying you, it’s probably for the best.

Post # 7
1634 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry that you have to go through this, but I promise you’ll get through. And one day the clouds will part, they sun will come out and you wont feel so sad anymore. Sounds like you have been working really hard for a really long time, and you should be so proud of yourself for dealing with everything so rationally. it sounds to me like you have been putting a lot of things above your own needs in order to try and save your relationship. I hope you take some time to look after you. Get back to taking care of you. The right man will come along when you’re good and ready (or maybe when you’re not good and ready, but he’ll be patient) and he’ll be amazing and you’ll wonder why you ever had to fight so hard.

Sending you lots of support and internet love. You’re a really strong woman (i can just tell) and you deserve the best. Hold out for that!

Post # 9
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@anonbee3333:  Oh my goodness. I’m so, so sorry to hear. My FI has social anxiety and these last several weeks have been an absolute ROLLER COASTER. He had never seen a therapist until now, was mis-using his prescription meds/becoming very dependent on them, and was drinking whenever I wasn’t home to cope with his stress and anxiety. While my FI and I are still very excited for our wedding and will work through this difficult time just as we have worked through every other speedbump in our relationship, I completely understand how taxing it can be to live with someone with a mood disorder. If my FI mentioned anything about not loving me or being unsure about marrying me, I’d be right there with you. You deserve someone who knows they want to be with you! I think you’re very brave. 

Post # 11
2244 posts
Buzzing bee

@anonbee3333:  I am so sorry you’re going through this, but you sound very very brave and like you’ve really done everything you can. You deserve to be with someone who has no doubts, and I understand its tricky with depression, but you really have to do what feels right to you. Only you know. Hopefully having these couple of weeks to prepare yourself both mentally and financially will make it a little easier to transition. No matter what, you’ll be fine when all is said and done! *hugs*

Post # 12
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Big hugs to you!  I give you major props for trying as hard as you could to make this work. That’s a long time to stay with a man who tells you that they aren’t sure they want to marry you. I also give you props for realizing that you need to leave and that you will be able to find someone who can’t wait to marry you!

Post # 14
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@anonbee3333:  🙁  at least you know what you need to do…before it gets even MORE complicated (after the wedding).  high five to you, girl! 

Post # 15
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh, I’m sorry. This is going to be so hard, but I really think you’re making the right choice here. You deserve to be with someone who loves you, and who knows – really knows – he wants to be with you even in the worst moments life has to offer. Take this time to get used to the idea of living solo, and put your trust in the universe that this is going to be the best decision you ever make. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, tomorrow, or even three months from now. *hugs*

Post # 16
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@anonbee3333:  You are in such a tough spot but you are absolutely doing the right thing for yourself & I am so proud that you are making the tough decision now, because it will save you sadness in the future.

Mental illnes can very much change the way a person processes life & love, because the illness keeps the person in a constant state of hopelessness & uncertainly. But, for your own sake, you have to be positive that a man loves you &, beyond a shadow of a doubt, wants to be with you, before you marry him.

There may very well be a point in the future where you current FI regrets his uncertainty toward you & wants you back, but that isn’t a reason to stay with him right now, because you should only marry someone you can be completely certain about.

You will be fine, hun. You will find somebody who is so incredibly sure about you that it’s undeniable. The idea of living without you will break their heart, so they will propose to you & spend everyday of their life feeling like the luckiest person in the world that you said “Yes” & chose them for all time & eternity.


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