- 4 years ago
I posted a few months back under this anon name to get some insight into my fiances depression/anxiety and how to cope with it.
As an update to my last post, FI admitted he is depressed and anxious again, and said he wasn’t sure he loved me or wanted to marry me. He’s done this before (since we got engaged; although he proposed on his own and as a surprise to me), but never to this level or for so long. It’s been six months out of the past year that he’s been “unsure”. He’s back on his meds, and back in therapy, we’re 1.5 months before our wedding and he’s still “not sure what he wants”.
I gave him all summer to decide. We (had) an amazing relationship, and I didn’t want to throw in the towel this was only due to his illness. Plus, his brother is getting married in two weeks, and we didn’t want to get the family into some huge upset and ruin their day. So I told him he had until right after brother’s wedding to figure out what he wanted (it’s really as long as I could wait – I had to send out invitations)
Needless to say, it’s been a tough summer. Lots of tears by me followed by “I don’t know’s” from him. I planned romantic getaways, we started going to the gym together (to combat the anxiety), we did date nights and went out together, and started being more intimate more often. I really really TRIED. As hard as I could. But he still isn’t sure, and this weekend I realized that a month before our wedding if he doesn’t want to marry me 1000% – then I can’t do it.
So I’m leaving. Not until after their wedding – this weekend is the bachelor party and he’ll be gone, and the next weekend is their wedding. It will give me a few weeks to sort out my finances and find a place to live, also.
I wrote him a letter explaining everything (which I’ll share for input, if you bees would like). I’m going to give it to him the first week in September, once everything has calmed down.
But right now I’m still sad, and down about losing my love, my best friend, and having to rebuild my entire life. I’m only 24, so I know I have time. I have a good job and I’ll be fine. But some words of encouragement would be really great right now. Please share your stories, bees!
I’m really trying not to cry at work 🙂