- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Ooh... ouch. Do you know what she has to say? Maybe she can say that in a non-obtrusive way so that people don't think too much about what they just heard? Probably not, though, since I'm guessing the purpose of that law is not to pull the wool over people's eyes...
If you REALLY want to keep it a secret? I'd probably find another officiant. ;)
IS it only for this judge or does anyone have to state that you're already married?
Just this judge. She actually suggested that we have someone else officiate if we didn't want it announced.
Ummm what state do you live in? I have NEVER heard of that law! Although we did the same thing (for insurance) and our priest is just removing the part about "and the state of Indiana" from announcing us. Could you have someone else officiate? Since you're already married you can do anything- seriously you can hire an actor and it won't matter!!!!!!!
Does she have to say the word married? Can she just say that you all have already committed yourselves to each other? That could be interpreted loosely :)
I guess I would need to know how your family is going to take it when they find out. If they're going to be fine with it, I say you can very excitedly tell them at your housewarming. If they might not be happy, I might be in the camp suggesting you find someone else to officiate--you know, keep the peace!
@guineapig: Yes, I believe so. My understanding is that she needs to be pretty stark with the details, but I'll talk to her.
Perhaps the thing to do would be to find someone else....oh, but she was such a wonderful officiant. I've got to say, it was such a beautiful little ceremony.
Well, you have the memories of having her for your ceremony. Now, it's just going through the motions for the sake of your guests.
Is it REALLY state law??? That just sounds so fishy to me. If it was state law why would another officiant not have to say it?
I would look into that if I were you.
@kpugs: I believe that in California, that's the law. If she was married by an officer of the court, then she can't be re-married by the same officer without the person announcing that they've already done it. Otherwise I think that's considered misdemeanor fraud.
My suggestion would be to find a new officiant...unless she could officiate as a layperson?
It can't be state law. I bet she just has to say "in the power vested to me" instead of "in the power vested to me by the state of XYZ".
I'd find a new officiant though. Either that or suck it up and tell people.
@misshelen: I don't know...I'll ask.
Thanks for the advice everyone. It means a lot!
Ok ONLY her not being able to say it makes more sense than how I read it- that a judge couldn't say it, period.
Still weird/silly but no matter how awesome she is, my vote would be to find another. i would rather find someone else than have to tell everyone!
I did this very same thing (I have in fact been married for over a year now and it will be close to 2 at my wedding) and I just wanted to share my experience. We also did not plan to tell anyone, but we decided to go ahead and tell people.
We were a little worried about how my partner's family would react but they were fine. Everyone was. I am really happy and relieved we made this choice b/c trying to keep it a secret was going to be hard!
Not a single person has had anything negative to say and I did think I'd get a few upset people but nothing. In fact most people seem to think its very romantic and beautiful that we are having two weddings and now, I can be open with everyone.
As for our ceremony in October, I don't know if we will have the officiate say "renew these vows" or not. The officiate I spoke to actually suggested not saying it.
That can't possibly be a state law. Get a second opinion on that from a higher-up. Since you are already married, you are having a renewal of vows so treat it as such, in which case the officiant says absolutely nothing about "by the power of the state of wherever" or that you are already married. Find someone else who actually knows what they are talking about. And a legal authority such as a judge would not be able to preside over it anyway as that is considered grounds for fraud. Just have a friend or someone else perform the ceremony since all the legalities are out of the way.
Also, be very careful if you plan to keep your legal ceremony secret, because it will leak out even with the best of intentions and your new married life is not something to start out with secrets from your loved ones. If your family and friends truly love you, you should be able to be completely open with them and while they may not understand or agree with your reasoning, they will accept it as your choice as an adult.
I think you will be best off telling the most important people, and then letting the judge say that though you were legally married before the ceremony, this ceremony represents the public announcement of your bond. Leave it at that. If I were attending, I would assume she meant you were married like a week before.
I am also secretly married! I have come to find out that it is really common. Most of our friends did it that way for the same reasons- mainly insurance. it was actually suggested by my fiance's parents. We told our immediate families before hand, and one of our friends was the officiant. Other than that most people don't know about it.
I would tell people before hand if she has to announce it so people don't feel misled, and people aren't talking about it all day.
My grandmother did this for her second marraige because they weren't sure if my step-granfather could stand for the whole ceremony in front of all those people.
But the officiant dropped the bomb a little less than eloquently and left a lot of people stunned and upset. My advice is to work closely with your officiant to soften the surprise.
I was in a slightly different situation. Our officiant couldn't legally marry us (the state of virgnina makes it difficult if you don't live in the county), so we got legally married on our honeymoon. Most of the people knew, but some, like my Mom's friends, didn't so we had to kinda hide it. So instead of, "in the power vested in me by the state...", he said...
" by the authority vested in me by the fact that I believe in the power of your agreement this day and the seriousness with which you make this commitment; and because I believe my faith is shared by others gathered here, it is my honor and my delight to now pronounce you, henceforth from this moment, husband and wife. You may now kiss each other."
You MUST tell your second officiant you are already married. If they are acting on behalf of the state government, you are technically committing fraud, and if it's a Judge, you might actually be in serious trouble...like fines or jail. Not worth it.
Other Judges might not be cool on doing a "faux" ceremony without announcing that it doesn't "count", but a lay officiant or a religious one should have no problem giving you a lovely ceremony without the words "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Heck, no one will wonder why it wasn't said as long as you do the "You may now kiss the bride" bit.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 52 |
| Brielle | 41 |
| mypinkshoes | 34 |
| his chippymunk | 32 |
| Cady | 32 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 32 |
| TheLionQueen | 31 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| This Time Round | 30 |
| ndreighton | 27 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| monique1218 | 2 |
| xlittlemissbridex | 1 |
 CassidyR |
1 |
| ticatica | 1 |
| ladybugs | 1 |
| Jamcnair |
1 |
| Midnight | 1 |
| cuddlz88 | 1 |
| greenbuggy246 | 1 |
| rebwana | 1 |
Hey bees.
I've created a new username so that no one I know finds out, but FI and I got married yesterday in the judges' chambers. It was just us and her. It was very emotional and romantic and very perfect and we did it for the reasons you'd expect; insurance, housing, etc. Our families don't know yet and we're not going to tell them until at least our housewarming. Originally, we weren't going to tell them at all, but under State law the judge must make an announcement at our wedding that she's already married us. We'd like her to be the one to officiate at our second ceremony, so I would like suggestions of ways that it can be worded so that the fact sounds elegant and loving.
And if there's anyone else that's done this and have any words of wisdom, please do send them along.
Thanks!