I've had enough with my living situation.

posted 2 years ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

FutureMrsB123:  The thing that concerns me is not that no one gives a shit about my feelings in this house, but that your DH doesn’t.

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Post # 4
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

FutureMrsB123:  I definitely understand where you’re coming from! I’m in almost the exact same boat and believe me, in my experience 1 month will be extended to a year! Don’t let that happen. Keep making your feelings known and don’t let this houseguest overstay his welcome. Make sure he gets a job and contributes to his living expenses while he’s there. 

Best of luck to you! 

Post # 5
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

FutureMrsB123:  While not the exact situation as you, I do know how you feel. My FI is just as caring and believing in good karma. We are now stuck going to work thirty minutes early to pick up a co-worker because FI opened his big heart(and big mouth!) and we can’t even enjoy our lunch break because he comes along for that, too. I resent it deeply, and while the guy is generally a nice person, if you give him an inch he WILL take a mile. I’ve lectured FI several times in the past month about this and finally YELLED at him that if HE won’t put his foot down and risk looking like a bad guy, then I will because I have absolutely no problem looking like the bad guy in front of someone taking advantage of generousity.

Sadly, I’ve only won one battle so far. FI was loaning him $20 every week and that was the last straw. I told him this stops NOW. I WILL say something if you won’t.

In a situation like this, you just might have to be the bad guy…

Tell this guy to pick up his shit and treat your house with respect if he’s going to stay with you.

Post # 7
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

FutureMrsB123:  I get it. My husband’s 45 year old “mom” has been living with us since October. She contributes nothing, barely works, and has her own room. Which I would love to use for storage (at least the closet) until DH’s son is back living with us. But no, I can’t even go in there to clean up the soda cans she leaves all over because it’s “her” room. 

Some people are just bums and I sometimes hate how kind and sweet and generous my husband is. Makes me feel cold and heartless for wanting her gone. Anyway, if you need to commiserate with someone, I am your go to gal because, yep, I totally understand!

Post # 9
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

FutureMrsB123:  It sounds like you’ll have to. I’m so sorry. 🙁 Maybe you moving out will be a wakeup call that his partner’s feelings come first! He sounds like a very kind person but what sometimes happens is a nice person will bend over backwards not to wrong say, a friend, or a distant relative or something, but they end up hurting their closest loved ones. I think they just think that you’ll be more understanding, ect. A wake up call is needed.

I’ve told my FI when things like this have gotten out of hand that I don’t feel he has my back. Sometimes it hurts to hear that, but it needs to be said so the problem can be FIXED. Fortunately for me, my FI did realize in his effort to please everyone else, he was being an ass to me and corrected the behavior. He’s not 100% there, he probably will never will be and that’s ok. He’s asked me that when I feel he’s being a doormat to people, I say something to him, and like I said, I have NO problems being the bad guy.

I sincerely hope your DH follows you and you leave this whole mess behind you, but if the behavior itself isn’t corrected then I’m afraid it will happen elsewhere, an entirely different situation. There’s a difference between being a kind, generous person and a doormat. Doing something nice for someone should not compromise your partner’s happiness. You should walk away with a good feeling, not like you’ve wronged someone else. Your DH sees your unhappiness with the situation and he wants to fix it, right? Tell him how, that you want to move somewhere else with him.

As for this leech(because sorry, he’s a fucking leech if he’s contributing nothing and he’s disrespecting your property), honestly I’d let those other kind souls deal with him. I’d have enough of that nonsense, too. He can’t even do housework or help cook to show his gratitude? You don’t have to have MONEY to contribute, you can help care for a home. It sounds like he’s just a slob.

Post # 11
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

FutureMrsB123:  How are you going to afford a place on your own when you can’t pay your share of the utilities on time?

Post # 13
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

I would write back “maybe if we didn’t have non paying roommates our bills would be lower”.

Post # 14
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wait… so de 30-ish old dude has a wife… but doesnt have a home? how is that? or maybe i read something wrong…

But yeah, the bum has to pay too, he’s eating everyones food and all for free? what the hell.

Post # 15
Member
8 posts
Newbee

FutureMrsB123:  I’ve been in your position before, I know exactly how you feel! The best advice I can give is to sort it out straight away before it depresses you/drives you mad – I ended up crying every day before I went home and no one should have to deal with that.

Put your foot down, be honest, and don’t take sh*t from anyone 😛 don’t feel bad – you deserve respect and understanding for doing such a good thing 🙂

sorry I can’t be more help, but everyone here has pretty much given amazing advice/support already hehe

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