I've had it with his family.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well unfortunately, if you are marrying this guy, his family is part of the package. Try not to let them get to you. Do NOT let them push your buttons. I think you are going to have to accept the fact that you are going to have to attend a few functions per year, like some of the holidays. At those, be polite but do not let their comments and demands effect you. Nod or something to let them know you heard them (so they do not keep repeating the same crap over and over) and ignore, ignore, ignore. Otherwise simply state you have other plans, apologize ONCE for not being able to attend, then let it go. You are an adult and they can not force you to attend anything. So what if they think you are a bitch? From the sounds of it, they will do so anyway. You can not change their assholiness but you can keep it from affecting you!

Post # 5
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ah I see. Well since they are not an involved family, it should be fairly easy to separate yourself from them. It is the opposite from my situation where my in-laws love me (well FFIL and FMIL anyway) and my family has nothing to do with me. Thank goodness for friends eh?

Post # 6
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@smealeys:  just remember that when you and your husband have kids, could get much worse with his family… I also have to deal with the craziness of my husbands family so i totally understand what you are going through

Post # 7
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@smealeys:  

1) You’re eloping.  To many familes, especally tradition ones, this feels like a slap in the face.  I am not saying you’re not doing it for good reasons, just that it may really hurt

2) You are going to be married into this family forever.  FI needs to man up.  Did he know about this party? Did he not tell you or forget to tell you?

I would be heartbroken and upset if my brother decided to elope and then didn’t come to known family functions.  I would probably blame the woman he was with, as I wouldn’t think he was being a jerk.

Post # 10
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@smealeys:  You might want to discuss all this with your fiance before you get married.. I have been married for about 3 months and my marriage is already being strained a lot due to my MIL 🙁

My husband knows how his mother is and he always says she is a nut job but because she is his mother, it still affects him a lot. Every time his mom is mentioned, we get into a fight.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

Post # 12
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@smealeys:  I think your fiance is put in a very difficult position because of his parents. from my experience, i thought it would get better after the wedding, but it actually got worse. I think your fiance has to acknowledge that there is a problem in how they are treating you. You know, my husband thought the same thing that i was just being dramatic about his MIL.

 But i think it is because they are just being guys, they cannot see it and you have to remember that they are his parents so he probably does not want to get into it with them to put a strain on his relationship with them. If you are lucky, maybe you won’t have to attend any of their family gatherings. My husband gets very upset with me when I refuse to go… but then again my MIL is very manipulative..

 

Post # 14
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@smealeys:  I agree with you that if it will be hard for him to admit that his parents are not very nice people.. I think that if it is bad now, you may have to prepare for it to get worse after the wedding.

I wrote a post on here asking for advice, got a lot of good advice from people on how to deal with my MIL but at the same time, there were some people who felt that my husband should have took a stronger stand against his parents.. i tried explaining to them that my husband had grown up in a verbally abusive enviornment by his mother and he cannot see that it is abusive because he is so used to it.. but they still felt he did not stand up for me.. (i didn’t want him fighting with his mom, because his mom will hate him and i didn’t want that to happen either)

 

I honestly feel that there is only so much your fiance can do too.. he probably does not want to come to a point that he has to cut ties with his family, and then resent you for it. (I’m not saying you are at fault or pushing for it) but i think it is a very touchy subject when it comes to dealing with parents and especially in-laws.

 

 

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