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That's hard because you've been friends for so long....BUT...my short story...I have 2 BFF's...one is married with kids...one has NEVER had a boyfriend. Because I've been engaged before, I know that BOTH of them are there for me and supportive of me. It sounds like you all have some ups and downs, which we have with friends from time to time, but it seems like she has already decided that your wedding is her down time. I would ask her to step down, talk with her, let her know that you see that she's uncomfortable...give her a graceful "out".
You don't need to end your friendship (unless you feel like you want to), but I don't think she's going to be the BM you want her to be....so giving her an out might be the best thing.
I agree with happilywaiting. Giving her a graceful out is probably one of the best things that you can do.
I'm in a similar situation right now. When I got engaged, one of my best friends was also less than thrilled ("I just don't like it when my friends have boyfriends"). But she's been one of my best friends for a long time, so I asked her to be a co-MOH, to which she replied that I should probably only have one. Long story short, it's a mess.
It sounds like she actually does have some jealousy issues. In my situation, my BM has a boyfriend and is as crazy about him as I am for my fiance and they are also planning on getting engaged. But she also seems to have some selfishness issues (see the above quoted comment) which is nothing new.
In your case it could be that she is having a hard time letting go of you, and also some jealousy that here you are engaged and happy even with your circumstances, and she's still in the planning stages. Regardless, I think she's definitely out of line especially given the year that you've had (my deepest condolences on your loss, by the way). It also seems (duh, I know) that she's not very enthusiastic about your wedding, and you need as much enthusiasm as there is right now! Your MOH sounds like a gem!
Don't worry, this will sort itself out! 
I voted for 'ignore it' b/c that's what I would do. Just ignore her. Better yet, ask one of your other bridesmaids to kind of babysit her so she doesn't bother you on your wedding day. Put her last in the lineup. She wants attention at any cost and is looking for negative attention, it's the same thing little children do.
Most likely she will snap out of it after the wedding, but you don't want her to ruin your day.
I voted for 'ignore it' because I think sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of why we chose our bridesmaids in the first place. After the wedding is over, I'm sure you'll still want her in your life after 10 years of friendship.
I gave one of my friends a graceful out. In our situation it worked out for the best. She has so much on her plate right now and adding my wedding would have been too much. She completely flaked on me 3 times, I was hurt (and angry).. I called and talked with her and said I understand she has too much going on, I would never make her feel guilty for not being able to be a bridesmaid right now. I told her I know she loves me and would love to be in my wedding, it is just bad timing for her. We both decided together that we would rather remain friends and have her not be a bridesmaid than keep trying to do the bridesmaid thing and both of us getting so mad at each other that we ended the friendship.
i don't know im kind of fed up and really at the point where idk about the friendship for four years now it has been exstremly one sided then one night i just said i don't give a crap anymore and the one side of the friendship left. We where close until Untill a while back three years ago when she was going through some tought issues i came and stayed with her brought her iceream cryed togather then a month later she looked at me and said where not that close. Well i don't stay the night at peoples apartment to listen to them ball about a boy and bring them icecream if im not. I was hurt so i jsut stopped caring. If she dosn't realize how good of a friend i have been its her loss and sad that she can never return the favor for me. Where was she when i needed a shoulder ..... not answering her phone. Now i know im not perfect and have done things and really hope are friendship can work but right now im not going to get hurt by her agian.
She is probably a little jealous, and since your name indicates that you come from a faith based background, I think the charitable thing to do would be to either talk it out with her or just try to be understanding.
This is probably about her hurting for one reason or another... Please don't add to that hurt. I'm a big proponent of the idea that if you asked someone to be in your wedding, then you should stick with that decision... and *believe me* I know from first hand experience that it is not easy to walk that walk! I understand that it is also hurtful for you, but since you are the one getting married, you are probably also more mature :)
I would rethink your friendship with her. If it's been bad for a while, is it even worth the effort? I had a friend like that and I just stopped talking to her. And I felt SOOO much better, no more stress and worrying about what she was going to tear down. But my friend was truly nasty and didn't care that I had almost broken up with my bf of 3 years and any problem I had she felt that she had to one up it. So you need to think about what kind of relationship you have with this girl. Do you want to keep her as a friend? I would definately give her an easy out of your wedding because it sounds like she doesn't want to be there either way. So I definately know where you are coming from and you need a hug for having to deal with that when you are planning your wedding which is going to be an absolutely wonderful day for you!
aw thanks I think im going to give it to december and see what happens with her its like sometimes she just dons't know how to be a friend and it not just to me its to must people she knows. I don't know i guess some people are clueless.
i voted "drop her" but think you should give her the option to opt out of the wedding. It sounds like you have a LOT going on right now and perhaps she does too. Maybe she's not as well able to deal with taking on a lot of things and being a part of the wedding is overwhelming her. If you give her the option to just be a guest, perhaps this would lighten her load and she could be the friend that you need her to be.
no she does not have allot going on the poor girl stays up all night and sleeps in to about 2 or three everyday. idk I just don't like flaky peope My mad of honor is way buisyer then her and she still finds time to do things.
I'm not usually the type of person who will condone kicking people out of a wedding party, but ever since my FI and I had to do it, I'm actually more okay with it under extenuating circumstances.
We had to ask two of our groomsmen to leave. It's a long story, but it came down to them being completely disrespectful in a way we couldn't possibly have even imagined and left us high and dry after we purchased their wedding day attire with the promise to pay us back in a few months (which they never did). It was awful, and as much as we wanted to put it all aside and just get through the wedding with them, we finally faced the fact that it was literally ruining our wedding planning. Everything became about them and how awful they were, and it was a constant source of stress. My FI finally talked to them, and it was mutually decided that they not be in our wedding. Let me tell you, it's been smooth sailing since! One of the best wedding decisions we made!
Honestly, I would drop this girl, and probably, the friendship will fizzle. It's sad, but it happens. Like I said, I'm not usually one to advocate dropping wedding party members, and I usually advice people, "Once you ask, you're stuck honoring that decision," but she sounds like a piece of work!
and i ask her the other day what was up if she was going through anyting and she said no why would you ask that so she is just being like this for no reason grr.
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Many of you have seen me wrtitting about a particular birdesmaid. Well here is the whole story. I just feel so angry hurt and nothing all at the same time. First of all I have known this girl for 10 years we have been best friends through most of it but like any friendship we have had are ups and downs. When we where younger we would talk about are wedding and get excited about being in one anothers. Now im engaged and she is less then thrilled for me.
At first i made her and my other best frind of 10 years both Moh because i love them and thought they could share the title. Big mistake the other moh did everthing. I never thought my one friend would or could get this excited for me she hates weddings and has never even been in love but she has been the best Moh ever and i totally love her for that. I find it sad that my other moh couldn't do that for some reason or other didn;t feel that way. So i demoted her because it wasn't fair for my the other moh who has never been in love hates weddings and so fourth to do all the work while the other girl freeloaded the title. So at this point i have demoted her to bm. Now i don't even know if i want her in the wedding at all.
The week we went bm dress shopping she ignored me all my calls all my messages of facebook and myspace. Call me the 3 days before to tell me she was upset with me ok come on im pretty easy going if you where mad just call me and tell me don't put it off and make me think you are flaking out on me like usual. Then she calls and tells me she mad ok fine sure i appologized then told her about dress shopping in columbus. The next day she calls me and says can you buy my dress i spent all my money. Excuse me? she has a job and has known for a long time she would be buying a dress why didn't she save and the dresses are only $50. I would be ashamed asking the bride who has lost her job and her mom and has been left paying her moms debts and for her moms house to buy my 50 dollar bm dress wouldnt you be. I would die before i did that to someone.
Then she calls me and says good news i got the money but can't come dress shopping because she cant miss play practice what?. She has know about this for a week at this point im furious and tell her to bring me the money or she is out. Well she brought me the money and we got the dresses. Bring them home and hers is to short. So here i am trying to acomadate her dress for her to make it longer when she wont do a thing for me. Do you know how hard that is.
She even told me that she is sick of hearing about the wedding thats all we talk about. Yeah that is all i talk about becaue its the onlything going for me this year. I have lost my mom and my job and am trying to think towards the postive and anyone whos is anyone knows this. I'm just so fed up how could a person be so close to once and then turn into a flake. This has been a reacurring problem lately in our friendship it very one sided. It hurts here the person i thought would be thrilled to stand by me do things plain with me and so fourth has turned out to be the biggest pain. I know she is not jealious because her boyfriend and her are planning on getting engaged. So whats the deall!!!!!!