Post # 1
We’ve lived in our home for nearly 9 months. Many things need to be repaired. The previous owner left it in horrible shape. I’ve spent my time doing all that I possibly can, from minor carpentry, painting, lanscaping etc. Althoiugh I’ve learned how to use a lot of power tools, their are still some things that are beyond me that are basically need-to-be-done things. Our family room has a pantry wich the doors have fallen off of, and they’re on a sliding fixture. We hung an ugly curtain abouve our sliding glass door when we first moved in but we should have vertical blinds.
I’m planning a birthday party for his 12 year old daughter and I made it known that I want to have these things repaired by then if I’m welcoming new kids/parents to our new home. Since I’ve made it kbown that I want our house to seem in repair he has made one attempt to get started. He tried to fix the sliding pantry doors but had a problem. Since then, about 2 weeks has not brought up addressing that or any other project that needs to be done.
Today, I asked him if he wanted to go to home depot and the two of us could fix the sliding pantry doors. He told me like he has before that “today is not the day, I don’t feel like it” to add to it I asked him whe he think he might be able to do it and he say :”I’ll let you know, you don’t get a date” I HATE to be a nagger-but at that point I snapped. Raised my voice, told him he was rude and inconsiderate.
The party is in 11 days. Why doesn’t he know that waiting untill the last minute would stress anyone out. Especially ME, hosting his daughters birthday, in our new home/ neighborhood, for the first time. He’s stuborn, but am I overreacting?
Post # 3
I don’t think you are overreacting, but I do think, for your own stress level, you need a back up plan. Get a tension rod and hang a curtain in the pantry. Replace the ugly curtain over the sliding doors with a pretty one.
Is it possible he is stressed about something else, or the party itself, and these annoying repair jobs are just a but too frustrating to tackle now?
Post # 4
@Leemarie: omg you are not overreacting, he’s being a total lazy dick! I was going to suggest some of the things but I see you’ve already tried everything I ws going to suggest. Tell him to get off his ass and get it done or else you are cancelling the party and he will need to explain that to HIS daughter.
Post # 5
Does he have ADD?
Either way, one thing you could do is make a list of things that need to get done. Put his name next to the things you want him to do. Then put a column with start date and end date. Ask him nicely to let you know when he plans on starting it. If he complains, just let him know that this will stop you from nagging him.
Post # 6
Maybe he doesn’t really know HOW to fix it and is too ashamed/embarrassed to bring it up?
I’d say if you don’t have it fixed by this day (make it one week before the party), I will call a handyman the next day to do it for me.
Post # 7
I wish I had better advice for you. I knew my FI was big on procrastinating: on getting engaged, planning anything with the wedding, and since July, finding a house. I understand your frustrations. I take it this is a common problem with him, then, and not just about this one thing? If it’s a personality trait he’s exhibited before, there likely isn’t much you can do. If it’s been mostly focused on this one issue, it’s time to start asking some questions.
Has he been stressed out with work or anything else lately? Does he tend to just vegetate for hours when he gets home? Or has this simply become an escape mechanism for him (i.e., he acts terse and says, “today’s not the day” expecting that you’ll feel empathy and back down)?
The best strategy from the get-go might be trying to show him more empathy (if this is an isolated incident with him). Ask him how everything’s going, if you can help him with anything, etc. Sometimes, extending that courtesy might make him more willing to open up and help you.
I’d try explaining how stressful it is for you trying to make a good impression when something in the house is in obvious disrepair. Maybe reiterate the things around the house you HAVE fixed. As far as household projects go, this one isn’t that complex or that time-consuming.
Failing that, you may just be looking at a set pattern when it comes to some household stuff. Or, like the others have suggested, he may lack confidence in this arena and by postponing it, he doesn’t have to show it.
My FI doesn’t know much of anything about cars, and I know it’s a bit of a sore spot for him.
Post # 8
Based on reading your food issues with him, I think he’s just a stubborn, lazy person. Was he conditioned to be like this (aka did his mom do everything)?
Post # 9
No it’s not an isolated incident. Like the above poster mentioned he has this stubborn streak and can be very inflexible on certain things. Yes probably due to his upbringing. Only boy of 5 siblings of a catering stay at home mom. He job IS very stressful. Anyway, it got resolved. Not in the way I would like-for him to realize I’m not controlling him by asking/pushing for him to help me, but by saying fine, I’ll have someone come help me. Maybe my Dad. Well next day he texted me from work saying not to ask my dad, that he was going to work on the house this weekend AND going to pick up the rest my furniture, a hutch, table, and my piano. good.