Post # 1
Bees, I just need to talk a little.
I was just thinking tonight about the wedding. It’s my day, I’m going to shine, everyone’s going to be congratulating me, all eyes on me, etc. but I’m going to be honest, I’m not sure how to handle it all.
I wanted a wedding with all of our friends and family, but I guess I just didn’t actually think about it all, and how all eyes would be on me and my FI. I know that it’s about me and him and that I just have to focus on him that day, but still, everyone IS going to be looking at me.
I guess my point is that I’m just not used to the attention. At all. I’ve never been “the center of attention” for anything in my life. I never once had a birthday party, I only had about 1 or 2 good friends growing up, when I graduated high school no one noticed, when something exciting happens for me no one seems to care or congratulate, like getting accepted into college and things like that. So I know I should feel happy and excited but I’m really a bundle of nerves and super anxious to actually have the attention all on me for once.
I guess I’m just afriad of feeling awkward and acting awkward as well, I guess you could say. When I get compliments and congrats on everything I’m afraid that I won’t know how to properly respond since I’m going to be overflooded with emotion from getting married and from everyone else.
How do I just bask in the happiness and let this day actually be about me? Of course I want to shine and be the main focus along with my FI, but I’m just not used to it like I said.
Any tips on how to lessen the anxiety about it? I know I probably didn’t word any of this right, so sorry if I confused anyone.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
Oh, I totally get feeling this way! My worries about being the center of attention accounted for, at least in part, my original desire to elope. But hang in there! It does get better!
First of all, are you having a bridal shower? Because those are a great opportunity to get a feel for being the center of attention. I was actually more worried about the shower than the wedding because I had to do it alone. But it helped to remember that everyone was there for me because they loved me and wanted to celebrate my upcoming marriage. And that really set me at ease and made the whole experience more wonderful.
As for the wedding, I cannot stress this enough: focus on your new husband. Seriously. When you think about all the people around you, watching you, focusing on you, it’s easy to start stressing and worrying and forget what the day is really about: you and your hubby. Keep him close by your side as much as possible. Hold his hand and stop to look into his eyes every now and then. Whisper “I love you” and remember that you’re doing this with him. You’re not alone–you’re in it together. And even if there are a lot of other people around you, when you focus on him, you will hardly remember or worry about any of them.
And lastly, if you have more than 20 people at your wedding, odds are that most of the night, they won’t be 100% focused on you. They’ll be chatting with other guests. They’ll be finding their tables and getting drinks. They’ll be dancing with their own SOs or hitting up the photo booth. Yes, you’ll still be the center of attention, but it’s not like all your guests will be lined up to scrutinize your every move. They’re there to celebrate and have a great time, so don’t worry about them being there for you on your big day!
Most of all, just relax and enjoy your day. You’ll love it! 🙂
Post # 4
The ceremony’s easy because that’s just between you, your FI and the person officiating, and the guests have to sit there and shut up. For the rest of the wedding, always travel around the room with a drink in your hand – it gives you something to do with your hands so you don’t feel as conspicuous. Escape whenever you can for a bit of a breather.
Your guests will do most of the talking for you (ours gushed on and on about every little thing), so as long as you can produce a winning smile and a gracious thank you whenever it’s called for, you’ll be fine. It’s “thank you” autopilot, really. At my wedding, people could have told me that Lady Gaga was riding on a moose outside the window and I probably would have beamed and said, “Thank you so much!” People won’t expect much else from you, they know it’s overwhelming.
Post # 5
@agirlwithdreams7: I can 100% relate to you. No one ever cared much about me and things going on in my life. Little to no friends (I swear I’m not a loser!) and all those other things you mentioned. I am so nervous about the big day and it’s a year away. I feel like I am going to shy away so I hope the drinks will loosen me up a bit!
I wish I had advice, but I am always here if you need someone to talk to!
Post # 6
I’ve always been a quiet person, with a few friends, but growing up I played a lot of instruments and was a gymnast, so I have a lot of confidence performing something, but I find myself getting scared when I think of walking down an asile and reciting vows in front of a lot of people. I think this is a totally normal feeling that you are having. I actually have gotten so scared when I think about our wedding that I feel like I could faint! We actually talked about having immediate family only at our ceremony b/c I was that scared.
If anyday is the day to be the center of attention, it is your wedding day. You will look your best and you are marrying someone you love more than anyone else! I’m sure most brides have some sort of anxiety. Just try to remember that although people might not have given you a ton of attention before, at your wedding, it will be different. People are there BECAUSE they are excited and happy for you. I bet once the party gets started and you realize this, you will be comfortable and have a great time.
Post # 7
I’m the same way but I’m actually excited to be the center of attention on this one day of my life. People will (hopefully) be thinking positive and in good moods. Plus, during the ceremony, you will be focused on your FI most likely.
Post # 8
I was MOH for one of my best friends who is very similar in character to what you are describing about herself…as nervous as she was, when the day came she just kind of naturally went into “Bride-mode”
I asked her later how she felt and told her how great she was- social, gracious, etc. She told me that there is something about the energy of that day- the adrenaline, the nerves…and you just kind of adapt.
I hope its this way for you. 🙂
Post # 9
I am terrified to be the center of attention at my shower and wedding! I hate large crowds and we are planning on 140 people!! I really wanted to elope (I was even willing to bring our immediate families) but FH said how upset everyone would be.
My plan is to keep a slight buzz going for the shower and reception (I’ll have to suck it up for the ceremony). A little alcohol helps me out….
Post # 10
@parasol: thank you so much for posting that! That helped out a lot and I don’t feel so alone in the way I’m feeling. 🙂 I know I have to just focus on me and my FH and I will! I’m happy that the day is about me and him, and hopefully the day of I will feel differently than I do now, which I should. As far as a shower, I’m not throwing myself one because I don’t have the means to, but I’m not sure if any family is doing so or anything. I want a shower, but I definitely can’t throw one myself since I don’t have money and I don’t drive or have a place to have it. 😡 So, if I do have a shower thrown, which I didn’t think about, it should kind of break the ice I’d say. Thanks again for the advice! I really appreciate it.
@linquo42: lmao! I needed the laugh 😀 haha. They do have to be quiet :p and I guess saying thank you is something that I’ll just be used to doing. And I guess if I think about it, most of the people I’m inviting are pretty talkative, so I shouldnt have a problem HAVING to talk! thanks though! I feel better now, I just have to look directly forward when I come down the aisle and look at my FI. 🙂 Although if I do that I might bawl my eyes out! haha But thanks for the advice! It means a lot. 🙂
@MissPumpkinPie: Thank you!!! at least I know I’m not alone. thanks for being there as well. 🙂
@soyjoy22: thank you for posting as well! and you’re right, they are there because they ARE excited for me and my FI. So I just have to focus on that and my FH and the nerves should vanish, hopefully lol I’ll try not to think about it too much. lol!
@MrsCoachBtoBee: very true! I’m looking forward to it as well, just was unsure of how I might react. lol but thanks.
@Evie: I hope I do the same! I think I will now that I think about it. Any other time I’ve had an eventful situation I kind of went into a mode where my mind just took over without me thinking about it, if that makes sense. lol I should be fine, I’m hoping. Besides I have to keep it together because my FI is even more shy than I am! He’s really bad with social crowds haha So I’m going to HAVE to take charge in talking to everyone 😛
Post # 11
@agirlwithdreams7: I’m sure you (and FI) will handle everything beautifully.
My FI is super shy too but we had a huge engagement party and he did well. He just adapted.
Post # 12
I was really worried about this too, but you know what? Aside from your photographer (even that’s a maybe; ours took plenty of guest photos as we requested), no one else is going to be spending the majority of their time looking at you. Honestly. Parasol is totally correct.
You and your new husband will be the center of the party, but not necessarily the center of attention, and certainly not 100% of the time. People will be meeting up with old friends and relatives at your wedding, and most of their time, they won’t be with you, they’ll be hanging out with their own groups and tables.
I really hope your wedding day is everything you hoped for and more. Ours really was, and all my fears about everyone staring at me just disappeared when I realized they were all really happy for us and excited to share the day with us.
Post # 13
I know exactly how you feel….I almost want to just elope so I don’t have to be in front of everyone. So we’re just having close family/friends. I know I’ll still be nervous, but I figure I’m going to be so focused on my fiancé it won’t matter as much.
I’m sure you’ll be fine!!! Try to enjoy it 🙂 Focus on him. That always calms me down…just being around him.
Post # 14
First of all, I think you are so super cute for posting this.
Secondly, I know that you’re scared to death to have all eyes on you and it is going to feel a little awkward. However, your friends and family are so happy and excited for you. Especially because the spotlight is never on you, let this day be about you and your FI. It is perfectly okay to have your one day to shine. Believe me, you will be happy you did. (coming from experience)
It was very hard to step back and allow people to “stare” at us all day, however it felt good for us to have come this far.
Post # 15
@Evie19: thanks! I’m sure he will be fine too as long as I don’t leave him alone lol But he also has his friends right beside of him, so he should do just fine! They’ll break the ice for him, all of them talk way more than girls do. haha
@Lida: thank you! I know that they are all happy and excited. It’s hard to see it since the wedding isn’t for another two months, but I can see the excitement building within a few family members which is always nice 🙂 and I know that everyone will mingle at the reception as well, so I’ll just walk around and look pretty and say thanks. :p
@glittermoon: thanks!! and I’ve thought about eloping too, a while back. This plus the planning was just getting to me, but DAMN IT! I deserve a day in the spotlight, even if I am scared. haha I’m sure I will be fine. I know that I might feel completely at ease the day of, I won’t know until the day comes. I really can’t wait though, it’s getting so close!!!
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: =P thank you! 🙂 And I know that I will be happy I had that one day all about me and my FI 🙂 I’m super excited! and of course I’m anxious and nervous about being in front of people, but it’s really about him and I and I know that he’ll be a lot more nervous than me so I have to keep it together! Plus, I’ll have my best friends beside of me and that will help a lot too, to calm my nerves and what not. 🙂
Post # 16
LOL..I know how you feel. I’m almost always akward at family get togethers when there are people I haven’t seen in a long time. Pretty much, the idea of being asked alot of questions congratulated and complimented all day long sounds like my personal hell….but marriage deserves recognition, so I’ll just have to face it and hope for the best!