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Well I can understand where your anger comes from! I get sort of indignant about divorce when its brought up around me because I'm in the thick of thinking about marriage and weddings everyday. It crushes me to think about divorce but it is a scary thing to think about.
I've told my FI this many, many times that once I'm married...that's it. The only way I would divorce someone is if they were unfaithful to me. If my FI did something that annoyed me, I would talk about it rather then push it deep down inside so i can have something to be mad about.
It's impossible to truly judge what when wrong in a marriage unless you were in it, though. Usually there's more to the story - and though divorce is always hard on kids, so is having parents who hate each other and stick together "for them."
I understand getting upset about family issues, though. It is hard to see your loved ones hurting.
@lilyfaith: And I agree. I feel awful for judging the situation because I know I hate when people judge me for things that have gone on in my life. Just from an outsider seeing what is happening breaks my heart.
While I understand it's hard to watch everything unfold in front of your eyes, you did say you don't actually know what issues your aunt and uncle were dealing with. I think it's always good to remember in these situations that nobody ever knows what truly goes on inside a relationship, other than the two people involved. I know it's hard, but I'd try not to get too emotionally involved in this one, because I'm sure it's hard on everybody.
You absolutely need to keep in mind that no one but your aunt and uncle knows what went on between them.
This is something I don't often share on here, but, I've been married before. He ended up hitting me, and not just once, but many, many times. Like, left bruises and gave me bloody noses hit me. When I left, i did so without the support of anyone in my family, because no one believed that he would do something so horrible, and they all took his side. I didn't speak to them for months because they were still seeing him at family functions and everything else. So I moved out of state, and only resumed contact with them when they cut him out.
So, while I am sorry that you are upset, and I know it's difficult to watch your family hurting, and even moreso, hurting each other, this is not an issue for you to side against your Aunt over. I'm sure it's not easy for her, to be away from one of her children, and I guarantee she knows that the rest of your family is whispering about her behind her back. Stay out of it. Give support where it's needed, but don't judge or condemn, because that doesn't help anyone. Not your Aunt, or Uncle, or their children.
@Quietserenity: I'm really sorry about everything that happened to you before. In that case I am totally in favor of leaving your SO. You are lucky you got out when you did and (hugs) for everything you've been through. I'm so sorry.
I do try to stay out of this at family functions--even though I'm not even invited lately to these things--and I agree with you, whispering about these things behind her back can't make the situation any better.
I have witnessed first hand (friends) leave marriages when it seems like they could have been quite easily fixed- they just needed to relight that spark, I know this because these friends have told me all the problems etc... I do believe that too many people give up on their marriages too easily, without even an ounce of a fight, however, saying that- I do believe that some folk just aren't meant to last, people change....sometimes people never truly knew their partner to begin with (especially if they rush marriage). People are complicated......we are odd creatures. :P I personally belive that you should do whatever it takes to fix a broken marriage, but if that fails I believe in going your separate ways, no point in beating a dead horse, right? Who wants to live a miserable existence in a boring, loveless marriage?
You clearly know the situation in regards to your Aunt/Uncle better than any of us here, but I have to agree with some others that you never know what goes on behind closed doors and maybe you're not being told everything because you are the Niece. Maybe there is stuff you don't know, maybe there's not- whatever it is they obviously felt like it was not worth saving the marriage and that's a very personal decision, not something that everyone may agree with, but at the end of the day they are adults and it's their business. The children are a whole other story....personally I would have stayed in the same town so I would never have been apart from any of my children, but that's just me, buta again....we don't know the whole picture with your Aunt/Uncle.
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NOTE: I am not posting this to start a debate on whether people who get divorced are right or wrong
Last night I was talking to my mom about my aunt and uncles divorce. To make a long story short my aunt told my mom a few years back that she was having problems with her husband. My mom never told me what those were but I know my uncle well enough to know that any "issues" she claimed to have with him were probably sometihng she could have tried to work out. Instead, she ended up filing for divorce, trying to get custody of her three children, and moving in with her boyfriend. When the court found out that her youngest girl couldn't move in with her because she was moving out of the school district, my uncle got her, while my aunt got to keep her middle child. Now that my former aunt is trying to move again closer to her school she's fighting for the custody of her youngest all over again. It's so unfair. I mean to put the little ones through all of that, and to run away and not look back. What was even worse was all the whispering done by my fellow family members at holidays. And that my cousins would overhear them badmouthing my aunt. Like the divorce wasn't hard enough.
But I guess what surprised me about last night was that as I was talking to my mom about all of this I became so engraged at my aunt's folly that I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. And it kind of surprised me. I've always been upset at the thought of divorce because I'm such an advocate that marraige itself, to me, is final. But that's just me. I know my opinion is not always popular. But I didn't know I could get so angry about the whole thing.