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The only reason for this post is to shed light on the fact that there are not horrible things going on in EVERY strip club. I didn't want to respond to one of the 'emotional' posts because I didn't want to make them feel like I was telling them they were wrong, but at the same time since there are so many posts about horrible strip club experiences I find it necessary to share my positive strip club experiences.
I've never seen a case where people were allowed to touch strippers. I've been to multiple strip clubs in mutliple parts of the country, and been to multiple parties where private strippers where hired. If a customer so much as reached towards one of the dancers (without a dollar in their hand) they would be dragged out by a bouncer.
As for lap dances, they're just awkward. I've received them and seen multiple guy friends receive them. They're much more awkward then they are sexual.
And private strippers...they do some crazy things with props (I'll spare you the details) but they have just as strict rules about touching (they come with a bouncer) as strippers in clubs.
Those are just my experience, and I'm sorry for anyone who had bad experiences, but I never have.
Happy stripper month.
Just a little addition...for me and my friends, it was just like going to any other club, just with naked girls dancing (I could only dream of being that flexible, lol) and serving drinks.
@MandaMack: and have you seen them swing around that pole! omg! craziness! for me its more entertaining than anything.
I once saw a stripper who was smoking while upside down spinning around the pole. Talk about talent. But I have never seen or heard of anything scandalous going on at a stripclub, and I have had a friend and an aquaintance work at two separate clubs downtown.
I feel bad for anyone who has had a negative experience, but I agree, it is the exception but not the norm.
@JennyW1: hahahaha, I know! But I didn't know what else to call it. It was this or "I <3 Strippers" but I thought that would be insensative to the bees with bad experiences.
This again?? Seriously...
ETA: I have also never had a negative strip club experience but I don't see the need to keep bringing it up. Weddingbee isn't going to agree.
This is just what I was talking to FI about! I come back from reading 4 pages of bad stripper comments and here is this little gem. FI says I can't say anything bad about strippers because I have fun while I'm there. I am all for sitting next to the stage and tucking dollars with FI and our guy friends, especially if the stripper knows how to put on a good show.
You know what I can't stand though? I can't stand when some of the guys bring their girlfriends or wives because then they act like what they normally do is bad or they sit back in a corner with her all night. I'm the only lady in our group who would go up and sit by the stage until recently when I talked one guy's wife into sitting up there with me. It just bums me out because I feel like they, the guy and girl, aren't having as much fun. Not that I don't like hanging out with the couples, but dang it I want them to have fun!
Also, I agree lap dances are awkward. I never know what to do with my hands lol
EDIT: I will say my one negative stripper thing would be the purring/vibrating thing they do. I'm always like seriously? and then I laugh.
@MandaMack: I think the most poignant thing you posted on another thread is that most guys don't see the gross antics of strippers as sexy. There's much more of "Ew, can you believe what she did with that ___ ?" than "Did you see what she did? I want to sleep with her." So true!
I never knew strip clubs were a hot button topic. I thought, either you let 'im go or you dont. My friends talk about it amonst eachother and we all have different opinions but its only our guy that we have to worry about right?
I have been to one strip club and it seemed "classy" if you can use that word. haha. It seemed to be on the up and up. It was all fun and games until a stripper shoved her crotch in my face. Super akward for me. eeekk! @reinab505 What do I do with my hands?
I can appreciate that you and many other people have never had a negative experience, but I feel compelled to share as well:
My roommate in college was a stripper, and she would tell me all sorts of stories-- some funny, some gross, but all across the board. Assuming for a minute that nothing negative happens, here are some of the things she told me:
-Almost every stripper would hug/kiss all the guys that tipped her once she left the stage. Maybe that's not a big deal for some girls, but it makes me sick to think of another woman hugging my fiance' while in her underwear(or less)
-She made out with A LOT of bachelors. Most guys would go with the best intentions of doing nothing, but the facts are, that once they get wasted and their friends cajole them into the VIP room, many of the strippers are drunk as well, so...things get out of control. Fast.
-While it is true the guys "aren't allowed" to touch the strippers, a bouncer can only look so many places at once, and hands wandered. Additionally, strippers were free to touch the customers...so lots of breasts got rubbed in guys' faces, or they'd grind on their crotches while the bouncer wasn't watching.
-A lot of guys wouldn't touch the strippers at all, wouldn't get a VIP. However, that didn't mean that they didn't get drawn into conversations with strippers, get their numbers...and we all know where that could lead.
the reality is that strippers are there to make money, and a lot of them have bad relationships and other problems. A good guy is going to feel sorry for some poor girl who's whining about how bad her boyfriend treats her, and that's how a lot of the girls made "customers" out of guys just there for a one night thing. It might just be giving her a little money so she can make rent, or going out of his way to help her out.
The biggest thing I learned from living with that girl is that strip clubs are absolutely POISON for relationships.....even if "nothing happens".
I didn't share all of that to scare anyone, but wanted to give you another, real perspective on what goes on....even when nothing too terrible happens.
@angiexox: Well most of the time I'll keep them by my sides, but there have been times when I've touched a stripper. OMG I know. One time was when we were having a conversation about our boobs while she was sitting on my lap I put my hands on her waist because she was leaning back and I didn't want her to fall. lol She was very nice and very jealous that mine are bigger than hers.
I've also helped a stripper up who fell off the stage. The guys think it's so funny when I do this stuff, I think they enjoy it more than the actually stripping.
I've never had a bad experience, either! :) As a matter of fact, I know two girls that were strippers. One is now at a law firm, having put herself through school stripping. THe other is married with a child and put her down payment on her own house with her money from stripping. The married girl has never smoked/drank in her life and has a great head on her shoulders. These are just women, like all of us. It's a job and from what I've seen and know they aren't interested in the guys at all.
I like this post - its good to have balance.
I recommend Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper, by Diablo Cody (the woman who wrote the screenplay for the movie Juno.) It's a true story and recounts the author's experiences becoming a stripper. The most relevant tidbit to the conversation at Weddingbee about strippers: apparently, women who come into strip clubs (whether in bachelorette parties or with their partners) were the most mean, cruel people she encountered on a regular basis. At least the guys were happy to see her; she said the women just oozed scorn. It's a quick and fascinating read.
Perhaps people (strippers and the SO) act differently when the wife/gf/fi/other aren't there chaperoning. Just a thought.
I've known some lovely strippers (female and male, gay and straight), and I don't find them scary or threatening at all. Cheaters will cheat, with or without "temptations" and strippers and strip clubs. I'm not a big customer personally, because honestly I find it a little goofy, but I appreciate the talent, people skills, and flat out art some people bring to the table/pole. I've encouraged FH to have a wild bachelor party, but honestly I think he's like me and finds it a bit embarrassing.
In any case, since it's come up a lot on weddingbee recently, I feel that if there's anything I can add to the ongoing conversation, it's the following. I know others have probably said it, but here is my two cents.
1. Any man who betrays your trust is way out of line. It doesn't matter where you draw your line. It doesn't matter if that line is no looking at other girls, no touching, no kissing, or no f***ing without a condom. If you've made your boundaries clear and he chooses to ignore them, then it doesn't matter how drunk or peer pressured he was. He's trash, he's betrayed you, and he's not marriage material, however you define marriage.
2. With that said, give strip clubs a chance. You know your man. If you love him and want to marry him, odds are he's a good guy. If you're worried about his behaviour at a strip club, how can you trust him out in the world? If you're honestly uncomfortable with stripping, I respect that. But he can't get anything at a strip club at his bachelor party that he can't get elsewhere, right?
3. See point number 1. Rinse and repeat.
@MandaMack: I completely agree with you. I had two best friends (one of which is in my wedding) who were dancers for years. I used to go see them all the time along with some in Vegas. I have never seen anything that would send me over the edge, although I have seen a few "eewwww" moments. I get that some women really don't like them, but I have only seen the rules that you listed.
@peaches1038:I have actually witnessed the opposite. I have seen perfectly conservative couples go buck wild when together at clubs. Dancers will actually go to women first as they know that men will give more money for the illusion of two women together.
My Bm who was a dancer worked her way through college, being a single mother, and took no state aid. She is the sweetest person I know and outside of her old job, is one of the most conservative lives I have seen. Women who find out she was a dancer treat her like crap and abuse her horribly, it's even worse than "mean girls".
Yeah, I don't quite get the "strippers are evil" attitude around here. Strippers are people, too! Haha.
I'e also never had a bad experience at a strip club and actually can enjoy and appreciate the talent it takes to do the things the strippers can do on the stage/pole!
@lilyfaith: Haha that's exactly what I was thinking!!
I have been to strip clubs and have never had a problem.
I also don't have a problem with FI going to one without me.
IMO if a guy is gonna cheat, he's gonna cheat... He doesn't have to go to a strip club to do so! I trust my FI completely and know that he would never do something that would hurt me or cross the line.
@TinyTina: Exactly! A man is probably just as likely (if not more likely) to face temptation ina club/bar then at a strip club!
For all we know it was actually a woman who came up with the idea of men going to strip clubs for their bachelor party. She wanted to find out if he would cheat so she set it up for him to go see some strippers. If he strayed she didn't marry him, if he was faithful she did! Hahahaha
Thanks for this thread!
I've really enjoyed my time in strip clubs and with strippers. I found the women to be kind, funny, relaxing, and all cases (except one) bright. I've enjoyed their work, I've enjoyed talking to them, and it makes me sad that the people who scorn them objectify them enough to not bother to talk to them and get to know a little of who they are.
@peaches1038: Back in the day I had a group of guy friends that somehw whenever we went out we would end up at a strip club. I wasn't dating any of them and they still weren't allowed to touch any of the strippers. And I was not acting like a chaperone, hahaha.
i tend to stay away from these threads because one of my good friends is a stripper--though she prefers to be called an "erotic dancer" haha. but i love her, so i guess i love strippers too!
Haha you girls need to see a Northern oil town strip club and then tell me your thoughts! Down south the strip club in our hometown is actually one of the most happening places in town to go so I never had problems with strippers or strip clubs because it was all pretty fun and tame and man oh man some of those girls have talent. You sure have to be in good shape to pull off half of what they do.
But oh boy you should see them up North though!! Not to highjack the thread, but I'm just wondering what your strip clubs are like? I thought they were all no touching and pretty tame, but since I've moved up here I've been shown otherwise. They don't tuck bills into the strippers panties or whatever up here...they lick coins and try to stick them to her! Haha ouch! At the end of a dance the strippers also prop themselves up on the corner of the stage with a shot glass in their *you know what* and if you can land a coin in there you get a prize. I've never seen this anywhere else?? I've also seen them let men take rails of cocaine off their nipples and asses in front of a whole crowd...talk about illegal. The resturant section at one place has all the waitresss serving food with no bottoms on, "umm I'll have a side of poon...I mean poutine with that.." haha. In all honesty I think I've been too shocked to be mad lol.
I'm not disagreeing with your post I just thought this was an entertaining little tidbit for you all. It must be all those horny old rig workers or something...lol!!
Holy cow!! What's in the water up there, lol?
I've been to very, very nice swanky places where you couldn't get a beer in a bottle or can if you wanted to. I've also been to a couple of places that are 'meh'. One is very hole in the wallish but everyone in there are locals so I know some folks that go and I've known some of the women that work there, too. My best friend was a bartender there. Only in any club I've been to the bartenders aren't in bikinis, aren't dancing and you better hand them your tip or else they'll kill you haha.:) The other place that is kind of dark and not totally entertaining is still just kind of a bar with pool tables and oh hey - there's a chick dancing on the bar. That kind of place.
In all of them, there were plenty of ginormous bouncers and you weren't allowed to tip. The private rooms are not private in a way that a lot of girls would probably imagine, it's just a separate large area with several big chairs where you can get lap dances - and yes, there are other people doing the same thing and bouncers everywhere, it's not like you're going to someone's hotel room or something, lol. I've already said I've known some dancers and the girls that I didn't know were all nice. Plus, it's not like they are going to go ahead and limit their income that night because a girl is in there, you know. There are ALWAYS women in strip clubs - always. It's not as if the dancers are going to say 'oh - there are girls with those guys, lets not try to dance over there or get them to buy lap dances, we don't want to let on..'. No, they could care less about our boyfriends and every single stripper I've ever actually talked to for any length of time would never date a patron. I think its like entertaining the idea of dating your boss, you know? Plus, I think they like to separate work/social life.
honestly, i have no problem when FI and I go together. we've only gone a few times together and i find it entertaining! however, and not because i don't trust my fi, i really am not keen on FI going to the strip club without me. i know the dancers HAVE to act differently once the girlfriend/fiance/wife is not around and maybe i'm just a little jealous. jealous of the fact that a naked woman would be rubbing her junk in his face and jealous of the fact that i don't get to have fun with him!
honestly, on a normal circumstance, i wouldn't be that bothered but i am SO glad that he didn't go for his bachelor party, because i am aware of the special treatment that the bachelors get and it is SO unsettling to even think about. again, i trust him, but i will never ignore that a completely obliterated human in any situation can get out of hand in a moment of time.
Happy Stripper Month!
I too have never had a bad experience its always a blast! We use to go just about every week because it was the only place open past 1.I have never seen or heard of most of that stuff happening.
I hate to admit this, but I use to be a stripper. It paid my way through college and I don't have any student loan debt.
Anyway, 99% of the strippers follow the rules and the bouncers are very very agressive towards anyone who goes to touch them. Even at private parties, the bouncers go into the rooms with the strippers to make sure nothing happens.
Now, there are those strippers who get hired off of craigslist and it's a free for all. They bring their male friends along and really don't have any rules.
I remember one night a man was thrown out for touching my ankle. Some strippers hit back if they are touched.
I hate that the nasty ones who don't respect the rules get all the attention. I have never ever ever been to a private party at a hotel where the guys were allowed to touch a stripper. I have never see a stripper give oral favors to the groom or anyone else in the room.
To me, the strippers who do those nasty acts are actually prostitutes posing as strippers. They get pulled aside and get told for some oral favors or sex they can make an extra $$$$$
@Miss Tattoo: it's actually very comforting to hear this. i never have felt disrespect for dancers until i heard some of the horror stories on this forum. it's clear that these stories are the exception, not the rule. thanks for sharing!
id like to know where all these super tame strip clubs are... ive been to many strip clubs in many states. the only ones where no touching was allowed were the fully nude clubs. every where else, there was touching and simulating - on the patron.
i think if you enjoy hanging out at strip clubs, more power to you. if you think they are gross, more power to you. one is not going to convince the other. but the whole "lighten up. i like to get dances and tip the dancers" is BS. great for you if you like some strange woman grinding on your lap. but dont judge ladies that arent too keen on the experience.
i think this post is a great example of the over sexualization of america. strip clubs used to only be in the seedy part of town and only girls with no other options joined the profession. but now, to insuate that it is a perfectly acceptable job is the reason 12 year old girls are in the mall looking like they are 23. being a stripper is not respectable. it is a sex trade job. the same industry that prostitutes minors and traffics sex slaves.
one more thing and then i will step off my soap box. only women appreciate pole skills. dude dont give a bleep about what a girl can do on the pool. so the whole notion of "appreciating the art" is pure comedy.
I don't have anything against strip clubs per se (I've been to one and actually had fun...one of the girls should have been in Cirque du Soleil!), but it's not true that no one ever touches a stripper. While touching is technically not allowed at most clubs, sometimes she will allow touching if she likes the patron. A friend of mine went to a nearly empty club (it was a popular club, but they had recently lost their alcohol license) and the girls were so bored that the converged on him and, well...helped him "finish"...
Another friend of mine married a stripper he met in a club...
@FutureMrsMorgan: You want to tell us how you really feel? lol
@FutureMrsMorgan: I live in NYC and have been to what you are calling "tame" strip clubs. I assure you, they do exist.
I think the OP was just trying to show that there are 2 sides to everything -- especially in light of all the negative posts that have been popping up regarding strip clubs.
If you don't like them, then don't go and make sure that your FI is aware of how you feel.
I personally don't see what the big deal is, but that's me! I know plenty of girls who don't like them, and that's okay too. But like a PP said above, strippers are people too! From my experience, most of them are legally aged women trying to make some money. I'm sorry that you don't approve, but I really do not think that you can compare a strip club to prostituting minors. IMO, that's just absurd!
@tinytina i dont disapprove of strippers. i disapprove of the notion that a woman is a prude if she isnt into it. it doesnt matter whether a woman thinks it great or gross. if she asks her FI not to partake, he shouldnt because he respects her feelings. and i didnt compare prostituting minors to stripping, but it is the same industry. and frankly, stripping is prositution's cousin. the sex trade and general acceptance of it is, in my opinion, poisoning our culture. but again, that is just my opinion. it is not my opnion, however, that touching happens at LOTS of strip clubs. that is fact. and i have been two 2 strip clubs in NYC. at one, one of the women was giving a guy a BJ in the back of the room - not even a private room.
@FutureMrsMorgan: How can you even claim to not disapprove of strippers?? You said in your first post (and I quote):
"being a stripper is not respectable."
That's about as disapproving as you can get if you ask me!
@FutureKMM: its NOT respectable. that doesnt mean strippers are evil people. IMO selling weed isnt respectable either but CA is about to make it legal. are you suggesting that it IS a respectable job?
theres demand for strippers, so there is a market for them. and i think that consenting adults should be able to do whatever they damn well please. we dont have a no strip club rule in my house because i dont care. i trust my husband knowing what really goes down at strip clubs. im not trying to sell some fantasy where the dancer is on stage and has no physical contact with the patrons. and me not caring doesnt mean that every woman that does care needs to lighten up.
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