- 6 years ago
Well bees, I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while now but I try not to write posts that have the potential to get anyone upset. Here’s hoping I can word this right so that no one gets defensive or feels criticized. I know I am about to come off as judgmental and I’m sorry in advance.
Sometimes when I’m reading threads about intimacy or sex, I get the impression that a lot of the girls who have “only ever been with one man” are very proud of that fact and think that it’s the most wonderful accomplishment on earth.
I just….don’t think it’s great. It actually kind of makes me sad to hear sometimes. When I hear someone say, “we were each other’s first and only! *insert smug happy face here*”, it kind of irks me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, if you found “the one” when you were 11, good for you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I once thought it was something to be proud of as well – when I was maybe 14. Hell, if anyone had tried to tell me that my grade 9 boyfriend wasn’t going to be the one I married, I would have given them some serious cut eye because OH MY GOD that boy was the ONE, there was no feasible question in my 14-year-old mind about it (though we did break up and never actually ended up having sex, haha). I used to think that being with only one person was awesome and loved the idea of saying that we were eachother’s “first everything”. But then I grew up and experienced my LIFE.
I can’t tell you how many different people I have been since I was a teenager and how much I’ve learned and changed. I am so happy that I had the chance to experience different things with different people. I would have had massive regrets if I had just stayed with my first boyfriend, or even my second one. After all, when looking back, older people more often regret the things that they didn’t do rather than the things that they did. I just don’t think I could have ever been the person I am today without getting out there a little and having the experiences that I’ve had. Consider my wild oats sewn.
I’m not sure if all this is coming out right, so please don’t get me wrong – there are quite a few bees on here who met their loves early on and have only ever been with the one person and I have a lot of respect for them. If you’ve found “the one”, why keep looking, right? Maybe staying with your first was right for you and wasn’t right for somebody else. To each his own.
I guess I’m just wondering where the pride comes from and the apparent need to mention it at every turn (and yes, I know that not everyone does this). Is it a religious thing? An age thing? A maturity thing? Why do some people think it’s so great that they’ve only ever had sex with one guy? I feel like a lot of the answers here are going to be religion/belief-related and that’s fine, I’d just like to know. Or maybe I’m way off and this “pride” that I perceive isn’t present at all.
Please feel free to participate in the poll and/or leave a comment. It would be helpful if you mentioned your age or your age when you met your SO as well! Again, I’m not trying to pick on anyone or say that their decision is better or worse or more or less valid than someone else’s. I’m just trying to understand where the pride comes from.