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What country do you live in? I have heard that Jack and Jill parties are common in Europe and Australia but I have never heard of one being held in the US. I would just tell the bridesmaids that you would like to do your own gift.
I'm from Massachusetts, but originally from the mid-Atlantic states growing up. I talked to a friend of mine who said it's really common with people of Portuguese backgrounds (she's half-Portuguese), but that she's never heard of paying to go to one.
I know that a Jack and Jill is to raise money for the wedding, but I also thought it was supposed to be instead of a bridal shower...explain that you and your FI already have something in mind (even if you don't) and apologetically say you can't do it all.
I've never heard of a Jack and Jill party - not even sure what it is - so I wouldn't say that they are common. I'm sure you could opt to spend less on the group bridesmaid gift but I wouldn't opt out of it completely. It would be a little odd to have a group gift from all the bridesmaids but one (although I can totally understand your worries from an expense perspective).
I think that people pay to go to them in Australia. They are basically used to help the couple fund the wedding (it's not a traditional bachelor/bachelorette party).
My fiance's parents threw us a Jack & Jill party. It was $5 a ticket. I had never heard of it before being engaged, but it is apparently extremely common where my fiance is from (New Brunswick/Quebec country area). Since his family lives so far away from us, his mother and father planned a Jack & Jill for us so I could meet the family friends and extended family that would not be able to travel to the wedding.
I would just be honest with the MoH and say you'd prefer to get your own gift.
hmmm. I think that you should explain that you would already have a gift and would love to help out in any other ways but cannot afford more expenses that you haven't budgeted for.
They have Jack and Jill parties (AKA Stag and Does) in the part of Canada I'm from (and showers are held in addition to the Jack and Jill). I have never been to one (I find they're more popular in the country than the city), but most do charge a fee at the door and then tickets are purchased for drinks, raffles and various games.
Don't ask me what my personal opinion is of these 
Jack and Jill's are HUGE in Canada (or at least here in Ontario), although I've never heard of one being in place of a bridal shower. Typically they're thrown BY the bride and groom, not FOR the bride and groom as a surprise. I never would have thought that the wedding party should pay for tickets as they are usually the ones helping to run the games, serving food, etc. I think you should come up with an excuse to miss the Jack and Jill. Your presence would be more appreciated by the bride at her shower I would think.
Personally, I hate Jack and Jills. I really don't think people should be throwing fundraisers for their weddings. I think we should all learn to work within budgets as grown ups. If you can't afford a crazy huge wedding and your family can't help, then have a smaller one! I think asking guests to buy a ticket for your J&J, then pay money to play games, etc while they're there, then having showers, AND then the wedding is way too much. I've only ever been to one J&J for very very close friends and always come up with an excuse to miss the others. I'll get off my soapbox now ;)
Yeah apparently people do this out in Western Mass. I grew up outside Boston and lived there my whole life and never heard of this until about a year ago. Honestly, I think it's really weird and makes me very uncomfortable. AND.. I really don't think the bridal party should have to pay admission! You are already paying quite a bit of money to be in the wedding.. you shouldn't have to help the bride and groom fund it too!! Either way.. just tell the other bridesmaids "sorry, I already bought my gift"
@bakerella - that's my opinion on it too. If you can't afford a large wedding (which I think in this case it's the parent's who are paying, not the bride and groom), then don't throw one. There's nothing wrong with having a cocktail hour after the ceremony, if that's what your budget entails. I know a lot of people who have done that. I feel like asking people for money really turns people off. The unfortunate thing in this case is that it's a surprise, so they don't even know that this is going on (supposedly). My friend knows about the bridal shower and registered at 3 different stores.
I kind of feel like the Jack and Jill is a pre-wedding. Why spend the money on dinner, dancing, and games just to ask for money? Save that money for the wedding!
I think Jack & Jill's are becoming increasingly popular everywhere, as I've heard of a number of couples having them. However, I still don't think they are as popular as the traditional bridal shower.
The few that I have heard of take place of the bridal shower and the wedding party throws it in coordination with the bride and groom. So naturally the wedding party is not expected to pay for a ticket.
The one I went to, the wedding party and the B&G paid for it and we were only charged $5 to go and the wedding party did one big gift from all of them. It really just sort of took the place of the shower.
This probably isn't much help since all the posts seem to describe them in different ways but good luck.
@iggies - Okay, so if the parents are paying for the wedding, why is there a J&J? Just as a way to give them a big lump of cash?! I'm really glad it's not the bride and groom who are organizing this because I would have called them greedy, bad people. Why is this other bridesmaid spearheading something that's not necessary? I'm totally confused! If I were the bride walking into that, I would tell the BM to give everyone their money back.
Stag and Drag's are very popular around where I'm from. Several of my friends asked me if we were doing one and were surprised when I said no. My FI brought it up when we got engaged and I pretty much said "absolutely not!". I'm not very comfortable with the whole thing and our parents are paying for the wedding.
Basically, it's a party thrown by the couple to raise money. Most only charge $5 admission and anyone and everyone is invited and encouraged to bring friends. It's sort of like a big party. They provide food and you can buy drinks and play games casino style or raffles, etc. I went to one and it was a good time - i didn't even know the couple. However, this isn't something i was interested in doing for our wedding.
My friend that had one ended up with over $3k from her Stag and Drag and that paid for their honeymoon!
@bakerella - I'm just as confused as you are! Lol. I'm pretty sure that it's her parents paying because she hasn't really had that much to do with the wedding yet. Her parents were the ones to book almost everything (reception, church, etc). Her MOH organized this bridal shower 9 months in advance, before I even started planning my wedding! She didn't even ask us our opinion on things, she just told us where she wanted to have it (luckily, she's not asking for any money contribution, even though she picked a brunch deal at a local restaurant). I feel like the people involved are really excited and jumping the gun on things and I want to shake them and say, "HEY SLOW DOWN!!". The bridal shower was initially supposed to be a surprise too because my friend is really down to earth and does not like the spotlight on her.
@snuggielove - $3,000? that's crazy! My friend's invite said to bring friends and family. That's so weird to me! Why would I want to bring people who aren't invited to the wedding to a party where they have to pay $20 admission and not know the bride and groom ($5 might not be as bad)?
Thanks all for your opinions on things! I really appreciate everyone's answers and it's interesting to see how things vary between areas of the globe!
I just went to a wedding this past weekend. The bride and groom had a fundraiser Jack & Jill a few months ago at $50 per couple. They raised a little more than $3,000. I'm ok with that. It's a regional thing and being from Western Mass it's the norm.
What was REALLY tacky was that they had NO cocktail hour and had a CASH bar for the whole reception. We were starving by the time the meal was served.
They did pay for their own wedding but that seemed unexceptable to a LOT of guests.
By the way guests are still expected to give an additional wedding gift above and beond what they spent on the J&J.
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One of my bridesmaids is having a surprise Jack and Jill thrown for her and her fiance. They're asking for everyone to buy a ticket to go at $20 per person. I think that's really weird, but ok, fine, whatever, I can spend the $40. The problem is that I'm also a bridesmaid in her wedding and her MOH is throwing a bridal shower a month before the Jack and Jill and wants all of the bridesmaids to chip in on a gift to her.
Two issues come out of this. One is that I would prefer to buy a gift for her from my fiance and I, since we both have a long standing relationship with my friend (he's known her since high school and I've known her since college). The other is that I really can't spend all that extra money (the shower gift from bridesmaids which I think they want us to spend at least $50+ a piece on, the jack and jill $40, and a wedding gift from my fiance and I).
My question is: is there a nice way to opt out of the bridesmaids gift without pissing the MOH or the other bridesmaids off? I would prefer to give her a nice gift from my fiance and I, something that she could really use rather than a spa gift certificate on her honeymoon.
Also, how common are these Jack and Jill Parties where you have to pay for your dinner/admission/whatever? Neither my mom nor I have ever heard of that.