Jealosy and the Green Eyed Monster!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@veryberry13:  Ugh, I don’t have any tips, but I can definitely sympathize with the stuck feeling! I’m stuck for a shorter time, I think– just until I get to move back home with my SO in December once my classes are over. But then I have to actually finish grad school, which will take another year, and we will probably not be getting married until after I’m done with school. Urrrggghh.

I had a super weird embarrassing jealousy attack a couple weeks ago when I found out thirdhand that a friend of mine, who had gotten married VERY quickly (as is done in the religion she converted to recently), just had a baby– less than a year after getting married! I don’t even WANT a baby yet, it just made me feel so stuck and behind in life. 

So, I know pretty well how you feel. It sucks sometimes. But as my SO reminded me when I was sort of freaking out about my old friend having a baby, everybody has their own timeline. I know you know that, and I kind of hate it now when people say that to me, but even so it does help me to stop stewing about what I don’t have yet.

Is your SO looking for jobs now? Or is he still in school? Because if him getting a job is what’s holding your relationship back, he better get a move on and start looking! 🙂 I’m sure he wants to get on with things too, especially if your moving in together depends on him getting a new job.

If you need to vent, I’m here to listen anytime!

Post # 4
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I have no real advice but hang in there. The green eyed monster visited me before. It got me jealous of a friend who completed her degree, got married and is currently building their (huge) house without and assistance from any banks. Needless to say, she married rich.

I am no longer jealous because I see it doesn’t make sense to compare myself with her. My degree is on the back burner because I have 2 little beautiful kids, my own marriage will come and she is very nitpicky. No need to be jealous.

People always pretend. It might seem perfect on the outside but different on the inside.

Post # 5
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Oh, I just thought of something. If, during the holidays, she starts blathering on about her perfect settled life to you, and you are feeling irritated, you could pull out a story of some really fun adventure you had recently by yourself. . . that she wouldn’t necessarily be able to do. Not really. That’s not very nice.

Just don’t let her get to you. She has a certain set of things in life, which you don’t have– but you have things she may not have, right? 

But do you see what I’m getting at?

Focus on the good things you do have, and “don’t let the bastards grind you down.” (I wish I could remember the Latin for that, it’s a funny expression my SO learned in college, but I don’t recall the Latin version at all.) You seem like a very pleasant person, and she doesn’t really! So! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

When I was impatiently waiting for DH to propose, I found that whenever I felt jealous of someone else getting engaged/married/whatever, asking myself “would I rather be marrying that guy?” put things in perspective pretty fast. No matter how perfect someone’s life looks from the outside, everyone has plenty of burdens to contend with. Reminding yourself that, when it comes down to it, you wouldn’t in a million years want to trade places with them is the best way I know to combat the feeling that you’re losing some kind of competition.

Post # 7
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@mrssrm:  +1 I would ask myself the same thing while waiting

I had a really hard time waiting. I was with FI 6 years before he proposed. I’m sure you can find some of my old posts on here about it.

I’ve seen lots of people get married in much shorter times than FI and I have been together, and it would drive me nuts.

I’d really just focus on the good you have right now, rather than what other people have. and honestly, you may think she has it all, but there are  A LOT of things you don’t see behind closed doors. It may not be as peachy as you think. Plus, getting engaged/married doesn’t change what you have with your SO. If you are happy with your SO and know you will be married in the future, that’s really the important part.

Post # 9
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I get that green eyed monster thing when I see another couple on facebook get engaged! It’s happened probably 10 times in the past 2 years alone, and I always get so jealous… and I do tear up a bit and my SO asks whats wrong and I can’t help but feel bad when I tell him. He just doesn’t get when girls gets so jealous about this type of thing!

Post # 11
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@veryberry13:  what’s crazy is that my SO told me today that he thinks his sisters BF is going to propose next month! they have been dating for a year and we have been dating 6.5 years and so I told him I would probably cry if that happened!

 

Post # 13
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@veryberry13:  i think I’ve said this before somewhere else. are you jealous of her career? Her husband? Her husband’s career? Would you have made the same decisions in all of those aspects? If not then why are you jealous? once I start thinking well I wouldn’t want their job or their husband my life is pretty great then there’s nothjng to be jealous of as your timeline is different

Post # 14
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@tiff-tiff-tiff:  People always pretend. It might seem perfect on the outside but different on the inside.

This ! Appearances are not the reality. I admit I get jealous of people who buy a house. It’s been my dream ever since I was a little girl. But, I haven’t been able to put money aside because I’m now 27 doing a ph.D, and I’m paying for it all by myself. I was ready to buy a house with my ex, the goal seemed to close to me, I could almost ”touch” it … but we split. I met my SO, he had money aside, was working, we told each other : let’s be patient, let’s buy a house 2 years from now (that was in 2012). Again, hope and desire for the house up … and then, my fiancé thought he should go back to college to get a degree, that would be an investment for our future and probably bring us more money than his actual career. I support his decision, but it means 3 more years to go before buying a house. 

It’s very hard for me to look at other 27 people already having their house, traveling, having money and a career. But I have to remind myself that all I see is from the outside. Maybe they hate their jobs. Maybe they wished they had gone to school longer. Maybe they have a house, but can’t afford to go to the cinema because they’re drowning under debts. Maybe I have a better credit score than they do. Maybe I’ll make more money later. Maybe I’ll travel more, because FI and I are childfree. Our life choices were made to achieve what we wanted in order to be happy, and it doesn’t mean we’d be happy if we were in other people’s shoes.

Post # 15
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@veryberry13:  Hi! 

I know exactly what you mean, I’m now 26 (I know this is still young) and most of my friends (all between 25-35) are ALL either engaged, married, have houses, have kids and a lot all of the above! My SO is proposing next month in Paris (we’ve already spoken about it and he’s ‘unoffitially’ proposed and wanted to do it properly once we picked a ring) and this is the first step for us. We still need to save for a wedding and a mortgage (it’s very difficult in the UK housing market) and that all needs to be sorted before we even think about kids. My ideal is for all this to happen and have had my first child by 30, but really most of this depends on money and I’m increasingly jealous every time I see a new set of wedding pictures or first baby scans/births etc just thinking when will it be me!

I think the best and only thing you can do is to step back and realise everyone comes from different backgrounds, religions, life goals, some have more money than others, some are still in college or perhaps it’s a long distance thing, so how it works for everyone else is great, how it works for you is completely different. You’ll be getting married and having kids when there time has long gone and all the attention will be on you! (They may even feel some jealousy there!).

If all else fails, at least your not alone and have someone who loves you 🙂

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