Jealous BM

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes. And my method of dealing with passive-aggression is to address it directly. I call it aggressive-aggression, lol. The person never owns up to the behavior, but it at least puts them on notice that you saw it and you don’t approve of it. In my experience, the offender usually stops (or at least becomes more careful about the public nature of) the aggression. I’d do this (and CALL her, do not text or email):

You: JBM, I want to talk to you about the FB status you posted yesterday

JBM: but that wasn’t actuall—

You: (cut her off) We both know it was about me and MOH, don’t we? I don’t expect you to admit it, but I’m going to remind you again, I do not appreciate you handling conflict this way. If you have a problem with me, then you need to talk to me about it. If you’re not willing to talk to me about it, then I ask that you keep it to yourself. We are supposed to be friends and it’s not appropriate for you to post things that are obviously about me where other people can see it and judge our friendship (mention how your other friend realized it was about you too, if needed)

JBM: I’m telling you it wasn’t about you (she will likely become angry here…she is experiencing what is known as a “narcisstic crisis.”

You: Ok, I knew you’d say that. But I wanted to let you know how I felt. Please do not do this again.

I bet she’ll never do that again.

Post # 5
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

It seems odd that she would bring up your MOH being a parent randomly. Maybe it is possible that one of her other friends is a parent, and something else did happen or maybe something happened between the two of them.  I would actually ignore her posts and block her from my feed, no need to even know what kind of drama is on there:)

Post # 7
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Overjoyed:  +1 exactly what I would do too.

Post # 9
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@chercee:  Wow. Your situation sounds awful and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. (I also apologize for the novel below.) 🙂

I don’t think JBM has been hating you this whole time. I think she is very insecure and probably a touch narcissistic. Several years ago I had a friend who sounds a lot like your JBM. She wasn’t passive aggressive on social media, but she was extremely jealous, took everything personally, and never was able to take responsibility for her own emotions or actions. My situation with her was different but after six months of me dating someone (at the time the first long term relationship since my friendship with her began), she not only became very jealous,  but she was rude to me and treated my boyfriend even worse. One night we were out in a group with other friends and my boyfriend was on his way to meet up with us. She pulled me aside, basically saying, “You know I don’t like him, why did you invite him?” I had mentioned it to her before inviting him and she was fine with it. After going back and forth a little she said, “You just have to choose whose feelings you want to hurt, mine or his.” Meaning, I had to stay with her and send the BF home or leave her to go hang out with the BF. By that point I’d had enough of her BS and had known her for long enough to know that she would never change or be able to self-reflect enough to realize how awful she was being. I broke off my friendship with her and that boyfriend is now my fiance. 

So, I know your situation is different and I’m not saying to break it off with your JBM necessarily, but just saying if she’s still acting like this at her age and you’ve already told her how it makes you feel (as it sounds like you did when you told her to be up front with you if she had an issue), then she is going to continue acting this way. I think your decision regarding JBM should be based on how much her behavior bothers you and whether or not you’re willing to put up with it for the duration of your friendship. She won’t change. Regardless of whether you stay friends with her, though, I definitely think you should talk to her about the ridiculous woe-is-me post, because it bothers you and even if she denies it, it was about you and MOH. 

Post # 10
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@chercee:  …yeah, my SIL was like this….after I married her step-brother, she was really having a hard time dealing with me, my accomplishments and successes in life in contrast to her own….I don’t advocate people comparing themselves to others, but I agree that the unexamined life is not worth living…either way, it generated some extremely difficult and angry feelings in her and while she was really angry with her parents for failing her in several ways, and herself for squandering an opportunity at a higher education and frustrated that her plans and actions didn’t always pan out..she pointed that at me in this really passive aggressive FB campaign that was literally painful to watch because it was so feeble and petty….I mean really…?

So because I don’t consider instigating an argument with someone who is already upset and hurt a noble act, & regardless of how I feel, I don’t kick people when they’re already down…and due to the fact that I was raised to rise above the rabble and ignore it at all costs…I blocked her on FB, stopped all contact and sent her daughter a necklace from Tiffany’s and a train set to her son for Christmas…nothing says, “Fuck you” like Tiffany’s….she can’t say anthing about it, it’s a terribly generous gift, her children love them and complaining makes her look like a pscyho…

Point…Set…Match…Nona wins…again.

Post # 12
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Nona99:  *scribbles down “nothing says ‘fuck you’ like Tiffany” for later use*

@chercee:  Man, I just do not even have the energy to confront people like this anymore: you know she’s just going to deny it.

That being said, I’m not a perfect person, and I am a fan of helping out justice when possible. I’d comment “dually noted” on the status, unfriend her, and let her calls go to voicemail.

Even if she *wasnt* talking about you (she was), at least she’ll know you don’t have time for such dramatic women in your life.

Post # 13
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@badabing88:  …you’ll use it, trust me…not to threadjack..did you get engaged in your crotchless panties yet or what? 

Post # 15
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Nona99:  Unfortunately, no. I think ManCandy is enjoying the suspense *eyeroll*

@chercee:  I know it sounds horrible, but if it were me, I’d be super passive-aggressive about calling her on it.

Post # 16
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You can’t   prove the post was about you, so  it would be wrong to aggressively  accuse her.  You can tell her you saw it, that a lot of people saw it and naturally assumed it was about you and MOH and how badly THAT  made you feel. 

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