Post # 1
Okay, I know this is uncommon, but I have an extremely jealous finace. Not really about me, but about being in the center of attention. He is absolutely so jealous about me (the bride) being in the center of attention on our wedding day. He hates that I have the grand entrance, the I am wearing a veil, and that everyone is making a big fuss over me. I have tried my best to make him more involved in the wedding, but he doesn’t want to help me make decisions. I have made most of them by myself. And when I do make a decision he gets upset that I made the wrong choice. I don’t really know how to handle this. I mean, this has been going on since we have been planning a wedding, but the last month has almost been unbearable. He has been rude and just plain mean to me and my family. He finally admitted, not long ago, that the reason he is so mean is because he is jealous of me. How in the world do I handle this?
Post # 3
although i dont understand it, can you give him something fabulous that might make him really excited about the wedding for him?
what about an amazing arrival…. helicopter or on the back of big loud harleys??? something outrageous that he might like. or a grooms cake – something that will give him a bit of the attention
goodluck as it sounds like a tough one
Post # 4
Ask him what he wants to do so that you share the attention. Explain to him you don’t want him to feel left out and want him to feel special too. See what he wants.
Post # 5
Oh wow… I’m sorry! I think eloping’s suggestions were good. Have you been able to have much of an indepth discussion with him about it? Like, get to the root of it and find out what would make him feel better (or maybe help him see/admit how rediculous (IMO) he’s being, in his lack of being honest or being able to communicate his feelings maturely, and ‘taking it out’ on you and your family instead).
Mr V is a TINY bit the same I guess, and I get to tease him about it (it’s just a light-hearted matter between us thankfully) – he didn’t want me to wear a big poofy dress because it would totally ‘overshadow’ him, I could tell he was a little put out that he’ll spend $1-2k on my ring and his could cost less than $200. It really surprised me, I never expected it!
Good luck, I hope things work out and smooth out a bit for you.
Post # 6
Wow that is really hard! I mean, yes, everyone WILL ooh and ahh over the bride, but maybe he doesn’t realize how many pats on the back and congrats and ‘ooh you look so nice!’ comments the groom gets, too! Everyone LOVES to look at his face when you walk out (ok that’s my favorite thing to do at a wedding, to sneak a peek at the groom). While my guy is not all about this, if he were, I would totally find a way to be a blam in his face about his arrival. I like what eloping said–some Harleys?! SWEET. I think thats AWESOME. I mean, if brides can arrive in a carriage, the groom should pull up in sunglasses and a Harley. Too cool.
Ask him what you can do for him regarding the wedding to make him feel more “important’ i guess. What are his ideas? He can’t really get mad at you (or jealous) if he’s not trying to actively make it better. Pouting in the corner without offering your 2 cents doesn’t help! How does *he* wanna be brought up to be more important? What about a coreographed first dance? You guys do both share the spotlight maybe he just doesn’t realize it.
Post # 7
Yikes. Tell him it’s part of the territory of being a girl. You can’t always get what you want, you know? Ask him if he’ll be jealous of you when you’re giving birth… Mm uh.
Really, to some degree he’s going to have to get over it. But try to do things that might include him more. Can you have a couples’ shower, rather than a girl only shower? Can you include him on more decision making? Can he be in charge of the rehearsal? He can do all the talkng and “thank yous”. You can let people know he really worked hard to make the Rehearsal Dinner nice. And everyone can go and express to him how it was a nice meal etc.
Post # 8
I’m sorry, but WHAT? I am sorry, but he needs to get over it – if he hasn’t done as much on the work for the wedding as you have, he doesn’t deserve all the attention to begin with! Planning a wedding, like many things, are a give-and-take operation .. someone needs to remind him this – preferably someone ‘outside’ of the situation because that’s not another thing you should have to do!! Hang in there, we understand.
Post # 9
How about letting him write all 150 wedding thank yous? Yeah i got stuck writing all of ours and it sucked!!! Granted I only had like 70 to do
Post # 10
Thanks. All of those are great suggestions. But believe it or not, I have pretty much tried them all! I have asked what he wants to make him feel more included and he just says it doesn’t matter or I don’t care. He has helped in making all the invitations, programs, save the dates, he is coming to all the showers, and instead of having a big picture of the bride in her dress at the reception, it is going to be one of our engagement pictures. I have asked his opinions on flowers, decorations, cakes, and colors, and his reply is that he doesn’t know enough about that stuff to make a good decision. And I have even bought us a dancing DVD to learn how to ballroom dance for our first dance. But he has yet to be in the mood to learn how to dance. I am running out to ideas here…
Post # 11
I would definitely suggest couples counseling. It sounds like you need an unbiased professional 3rd party to work through this. Don’t worry – plenty of very happy couples go to counseling it doesn’t mean you’re in a bad relationship. Good luck!
Post # 12
TELL HIM TO STEP UP HIS PLANNING INPUT & START FIGURING OUT WAYS TO MAKE BOTH OF YOU SHINE ON THAT DAY – if he’s so concerned over it. Let him know you arent trying to steal the spotlight – it’s “BOTH” of yours weddings & if it means so much to him to help you out. Im sure you have enough on your plate, dealing with a jealous fiancee is the last thing you need.
Post # 13
I second couples counseling. This sounds like a little bit of a strange situation. The day is all about the two of you, but it is understandable that the bride will get more oohhhs and ahhhs and such. Just part of being a girl, I think.
Post # 14
(ETA: I third couples’ counseling.) I guess the part that concerns me is that he is so jealous he is “unbearable” and “mean” to you and your family. He’s acting out against you because of his insecurities and jealous feelings, and it doesn’t sound like you’ve been able to convince him to stop. We all feel jealous or envious sometimes, but most of us don’t become unbearably mean because of those feelings.
Maybe he just needs some instruction on how to control his anger and jealousy, but I’d be worried about him acting out again in the future if the problem isn’t addressed now. What about when you’re pregnant? Is he going to be mean and hurtful then? Because most of the attention is on the woman during pregnancy and after birth. What about if you get a promotion or new job offer? If you’re sick and need a lot of attention/care? You’re going to get more attention than he does sometimes, and he needs to learn to deal with his emotions so he doesn’t take it out on you.