Post # 1
I am wondering how many Bees out there have had to deal with girlfriend drama over your engagement? Sister drama?
I am recently engaged – to the love of my life – an incredible man … the unicorn of sorts … and my closest girlfriends have started acting odd and wierd. Hot and cold… snarky… muttering insults under their breath (when I am paying for dinners and so forth) … and it just goes on and on. Making plans and then breaking them at the last minute – over and over. The thing is I am also a divorcee… and so this is the 2nd time for me … albeit now I am marrying my first love after re-connecting after a decade (i know corny and sweet).
My closest girlfriends have always been the bridesmaids and never the bride — and so I understand they resent that I have had an opportunity to love in ways they never have been gifted with. As such… I have been giving them much latitude with their behaviour although I am quite upset that this is the case.
My prior wedding I eloped – so it wasn’t as if these girls participated … and the marriage occurred when I was really young and the divorce was amicable so there wasn’t any real drama that these girls partook in. None actually.
That being said – how have other Bees overcome this? Is it even worth it in fact? Some parts of me feel that I have outgrown the friendships now that I see the delta between their maturity levels and selfishness and my happiness. They all love my FI … and I know they are personally struggling in their relationships with SOs (for those that have them).
My FI and I are looking to start a family within the year… so I feel guilty about not being able to spend as much time with the girls as I can since I will soon be focusing on the family and my hubby and the life we are creating for ourselves.
Perhaps the old edage is true – in that weddings and funerals can bring out the best and worst in people… any one else have such odd reactions from those that should be the happiest for you?
Post # 2
I would imagine it’s the fact that your behaviour appears quite patronising. Who exactly are you to say that these women resent you for having the ‘opportunity to love in ways they never have been gifted with’? How do you know how little or how much they have been in love? Just because they have never been married doesn’t mean their lovelives haven’t been important. I would imagine any comments they make under their breath is because you’re flaunting (paying for dinners? What has that got to do with this story, other than to make you seem generous?) and they’re probably waiting for you to stop thinking about yourself and ask them what’s going on with them. Sorry to be blunt, but I just think it’s pretty rude to state that people are jealous when it’s probably not the case.
Post # 3
I agree with the previous poster.
Lots of times when I see someone making threads like this, it doesn’t seem like their friends are jealous at all, and perhaps, maybe the OP is just being a jerk. If you talk to them the way this post was written, I can totally see why they might be cold/judgemental of you, it seems as if you are rubbing your engagement/wedding in their faces.
Post # 4
Sounds like these women are not your true friends. I would stop spending time with them if I were you. Life is stressful enough as it is. You don’t need the extra drama. If I had a friend who mumbled an insult under her breath I would drop her like a hot rock. Best of luck to you and FI.
Post # 5
“…so I understand they resent that I have had an opportunity to love in ways they never have been gifted with”<br /><br />Yeah. If you’re even a fraction as condescending in person to these women as you sound in this post, I can see where the problem is. It takes a special kind of hubris to assume 1) you know anything about the love your friends have been “gifted” with and 2) that your life plans are the impotus for their moods or behavior.
If you don’t enjoy spending time with these friends, then stop making plans with them and, as you say, focus on the life you and your “unicorn” are creating together. I do agree this situation does indeed prove that old adage’s truth…
Post # 6
Nikki_Woodstock: Why don’t you just ask them what’s going on instead of assuming that they’re jealous?
“Hey friends, I noticed that you’ve been canceling plans and muttering insults under your breath (Sidenote: Really?? And what do you SAY when they do that?!). What’s going on? Are you mad at me for some reason?”
Ditto PPs that your attitude comes across as really patronising.
Post # 7
It doesn’t sound as if you like these women at all, you just need them to prop up your large ego. But that’s okay as it doesn’t sound as if they like you, either. Frenemies, as they say.
Post # 8
Erin418: I agree that’s what this sounds like, unfortunately. Terrible to say, but upon reading, Cinderella and her wicked Stepsisters immediately came to mind.
Post # 9
Re read your post….and then honestly tell me you have NO idea why they are acting put off…
Post # 10
Hausfrau: You sound quite the piece of work yourself. Do tel how you have been able to reach such nasty conclusions about me? Says a lot about the hypocrisy of your own words my dear Bee.
Post # 11
merpitymerp: would like to think taking them out for their birthday is considered to friendly an non patronizing thi to do. I Hare to thi , you treatment you friends if tha is considered considered thing.
Large ego? Hahaha. Too funny.
Post # 12
merpitymerp: would like to think taking them out for their birthday is considered kind and friendly and a non patronizing thing.Would yo not be off put if you planned a joint milestone birthday party an all they they do I gossip,complain, an mutter under their breath? Large ego? Hahaha. Too funny. merpitymerp:
Post # 14
Nikki_Woodstock: If pretty much all responses are coming to the same conclusion, I would think you might take pause and reflect a bit.
Edit – wait, I’m also confused … according to a post you made last night, you’re actually not even engaged yet, so what are these girls supposed to be swooning over now?
Post # 13
Just because people aren’t fawning all over you and your engagement does not mean they are “jealous.” It also doesn’t mean that they are unloved or having difficult relationships themselves. They probably just don’t care.
To be honest, I’d find it hard to be happy for someone who automatically assumes that I’m “jealous” because I’m not shitting my pants with excitement over their engagement.
Post # 15
If one of my g/f’s came across with a similar attitude, I wouldn’t hide my distaste for her snooty attitude under my breath. Your friends should grow a set so you aren’t reduced to asking internet strangers what your friends’ problem is with you.