Jealous of my bfs brother getting engaged

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
89 posts
Worker bee

yep, 2 friends of mine had gotten engaged before me and they had been going out with their boyfriends for much less than i had been with mine. i had mixed feelings when they told me, part of me was happy for them the other part not so much since i wanted what they had. 

but then after about 3 days being upset about it i was driving back home and realised that relationships are different, are everyone has their own timeline, apart from that i wanted everyone to be happy for me when i get engaged and realised that it was a bit selfish from my end not to be for them. 

its difficult i know because they are in this exciting time in their lives which you want so badly but if you and your boyfriend are on the same page re weddings, babies etc that time will come 🙂

Post # 5
525 posts
Busy bee

Is he stringing you along? It sounds normal, though. More like a shut it up pact thing for your own sanity and that your reaction is OK. Do not feel bad, just keep yourself balanced and heatlhy. Another option is to say nothing (again for your own sanity) and in a month mention it calmly. 

Post # 6
89 posts
Worker bee

yes the when is your turn now question will be asked for sure, but it seems people are never happy, eg you have been for a long time with the other person, they`ll ask re engagement, once you do they ask re the wedding and once you are married they start asking re children. you just have to find a good reply. 

weddings from where i come from are really expensive and we did not want to go into debt so i just said, when are you going to write me a cheque ? it sounds rude i know but so was asking me for a timeline (in my opinion at the time) !

Post # 8
525 posts
Busy bee

Hmm…are you living together? Sometimes guys slow down on the proposal when they are already living with you – it is a sort of “why rock the boat” we are doing fine as is excuse for not proposing. Guys are also often just scared. He will likely be more willing to man up since his little brother has – so that is good. The negative may be that he may wait until the little brother’s engagement is further along before he wants to “steal the fire” and propose to you

Post # 9
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Yes I think it happens to the best of us,  I know I was truely gutted when my friend got engaged and she dated her husband in a shorter time then I have with my SO.  In fact I know plenty of couples who have only dated from six months to four years that got engaged.

My relationship is close to a decade,   my SO has issues and I can understand why he hasn’t proposed earlier.   He wasn’t in the best frame of mind until he sought help.    Now we are talking marriage and today we looked at engagement rings.   

A co-worker was dating her fiance for 12 years before he popped the question.  They were high school sweet hearts until their lives soughted out career wise etc.  He proposed.  

At the end of the day please don’t let this sit on your mind.   Everyone’s relationship is different and maybe just bide your time with your BF. 






Post # 10
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Every relationship is different. finances, careers, age, maturity all had to be stable before we got engaged. We started dated at age 19. We are 26 now. we took our time to really grow as adults before we decided to do this. But that doesn’t mean our love has changed because we are engaged. my brother has been dating his gf for 10 years vs my sister dating her bf for 14 months and they are looking at engagement rings, they are in different places in their lives!! 

Post # 12
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

You won’t be stealing their thunder! My fiance and I have been together for slightly longer (albeit long distance) than his sister who got engaged about 2 months after us in July and just got married this February.  My fiance and I didn’t speak a word about our wedding until after theirs had been over just out of respect for other people’s time and priorities.  Was I dying to talk about it? Sure, but I knew his sister had a lot to do and needed help from her mom and sister so I didn’t want to bug them or make them feel left out if they found out I had been planning with my mom and sister without them.

Just remember that having overlapping life events is going to be normal.  If you get pregnant the same week as another relative, is that thunderstealing? No! It’s awesome because you both are pregnant! People who call others out on thunderstealing just because their life path happens to be on the same spot (within reason, we all know there are one-uppers in this life) are generally very immature and/or self-centered. You need to live your life and have your romance for you and your SO, go by your own timeline and enjoy the process.

Post # 13
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Wanttogetwed:  I can’t relate on engagements, we were the first of my friends to take that step and the first amongst our siblings but while everyone I know is having kids, we are waiting till I compplete my Masters (should be this year) and then my PhD so looking at minimum 4 years from now… So I kind of get the jealousy thing but it’s just something you sometimes have to suck it up about and deal with. I know it’s terrible advice but it is what it is. You can’t make him be ready faster. Same as my dh can’t makeme be ready for kids faster. And yes it sucks, we struggling to buy a house while all of our friends find it easy because I’m still studying. We can’t have kids yet because I’m still studying. So in a way his life is on hold because of  me but I know he loves me and that he is ok with it because this is something that I need to do. In the same way, your bf needs to be ready before proposing… It may very well not be that he isn’t sure, he may be completely sure but not ready for that step.

Post # 14
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Wanttogetwed:  How old are you and your BF and the brother and his fiancee? I know how you feel, but your relationship and theirs are in NO way connected. Them being engaged does not negate your BFs feelings for you and to say that is a bit immature. I would suggest having a serious conversation with him regarding timelines – when does he see himself married? 

Post # 16
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Can’t relate. People and relatiinships are individual and unique. Your BF’s brother maybe head over heels in love with his fiance and ready to get married. Your BF may be head over heels in love with you too, but not ready to get married. Until you can get over jealousness stay clear of your FBIL ans FSIL. No need to have blood over this. 

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