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Well first off, if you two are planning on being a long term couple, you need to develop some trust for your man. You may not trust the girls, but you said you trust him. Sure they could cry for a hug, but they won't get anything more out of him that way. You cannot ask him to dump his friends for you - that's not a good start to a relationship I'm afraid.
i understand that, thats why i dont say it, i just wish i could, i just want to know a way to get over this anger, without talking about it, but i do have some good new XD my bf just asked me to move in with him
@shywolflover: Wow that's exciting!! Does that mean you're planning a big move now?
im going to try, i still have to work, i just got the job last week, but i would love it if i could go right now
I would strongly advise NOT moving in with him until you have actually spent some time together. I know you two have been talking for awhile and you are probably excited about the thought of moving in, but I think it is really important for you to spend some time together first - moving in with someone you haven't actually met seems like a recipe for disaster - what if you don't connect in person the same way you did on the computer? What if the chemistry is not there? What if one of you just kinda annoys the other once you can actually see eachother on a regular basis?
This is worst case scenario here, but what if he turns out to not even be who he says he is? Scary, but it can happen in relationships that go on for this long but are strictly online, because you feel like you know the person so well despite having never met face to face. I also think it's kinda scary that you've fought with and lost family over someone you have never met. If they're suspicious, I'd say they have good reason to be - 19 is awfully young to tie yourself down to someone you never see who you don't even know what he is like in person, and the fact that you're delaying life plans like school for someone you don't really know is very worriesome. I know you want to think it couldn't happen, but it has happened to many women who thought they were in love and had really connected with a guy and knew him so well. Google 'my online boyfriend wasn't real'...the number of stories is quite large.
As far as the jealousy thing goes...he hasn't given you a reason to be jealous so I would say that is your issue, not his. I know it must be frusturating that his friends get to see him all the time and you never do, but you can't let insecurity take over just because some of his friends are female.
the family i lost was family i was going to lose anyway, my family is diff. they dont want me to be happy, they dont make me happy and they really do go out of there way to make me cry. so im better off without them. also i had a fight with my family cuz they say the same things u just said, they say i cant trust him, but i talk to him online, phone and on skype eveyday, and on my days off all day, unless hes at a friends, and thats the only part that bugs me with his friends, he wont talk to me if they hang out, he wont tell me what hes doing to after hes done hanging out, and i do trust him, and he wont hurt me. not like my family dose anyway, and he wants me to move in with him cuz he has been on the phone when my mom says shes going to kick me out cuz i dont "do anything" when i have a $1000 + bill in my name for her or she says im "ulgy" and that mike wont want me when he sees me. he says eveything my family cant.
and that bill is why i cant go to school yet, cuz i have to work that out frist cuz i cant get a loan for school and i dont have the cash to go, but i will go to school at some point,
and i know ppl who are married now, and ive had more LDR then anyone i know, ive never felt this way and i have had bfs in the same state as me, but i dint like them, they were clingy and only wanted sex, and im not like that, mike sees me for who i am and not what i have. and its nice to be wanted and not hated.
Never said there was an age limit, 19 is certainly not too young to be in love - but it is old enough to use some common sense and internet safety and put off making any final judgements on whether you have a future together until you have actually met this guy. I'm sorry your mom has said such hurtful things, but as for the family members who are saying the same things I am, they are saying those things out of concern for your well-being, not to hurt you. You never know if once you meet in person you will feel the same way about him that you do about your exes - I know that probably sounds impossible to you, but you really don't know what actually being with him is going to be like until you experience it.
Of course it's nice to be wanted, no one wants a bf who doesn't want them - but it's also nice to have a bf that you know you are compatible with in person (because hanging out together and being together every day is a LOT different from talking on the phone most days). And if this doesn't work out I promise there are other guys out here you'll be able to connect with in person who will want you. I'm not saying that it won't work out, it would be great if you two get to meet and everything goes good and you eventually live together, but I just think that it's pretty much impossible to know whether or not that will happen when you only talk online and on the phone. One of you really needs to go visit the other if you're serious about eachother.
Is it possible that his friends think that it is strange he is in a serious relationship with someone he has never met, and that is why he doesn't contact you when he is with them? Because he either doesn't want to tell them about you or knows that they disapprove?
I agree with everything @courtney1188 has said. If you're 19, you're an adult. You can make rational and informed decisions. At least meet this guy before your feelings go any further.
i do plan to meet him alot before i move in with him. i dont plan to just go, i mean i would love to, but i wont, cuz i have dated ppl out of state and they lie about who they are, and i know his friends know about me, cuz they talk about me, (i do the same lol) and they do like me, and they want to meet me. i just dont want to meet them. cuz i dont want them to not like me. but i still know i love him, i know i want a family with him ONE day, its not going to happen any time soon. i want to go to school first, i just want to be with him right now, and im trying to see him, not move it, i would like to move in with him in a few years, like 2 or 3, cuz now im living with my aunt, and i dont talk to most of my family becuse they can be so mean. and im not going to lie, talking to them is really bad for my heath.
I'll start off by saying that I'm 20, so not much older than you, but my SO and I will be celebrating our 4th anniversary in a couple months so we have been together significantly longer than you and your boyfriend.
There really is nothing any of us can tell you to make you stop being jealous and to trust that the situation won't go into inappropriate territories with his friends. I know you say you trust him and don't trust them, but this statement doesn't show that. If you truly trusted him 100%, you wouldn't have this worry because you would know that NOTHING would happen, no matter how much they wanted it to, because he wouldn't let it. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, along with communication, and both are even more important when you're in a long distance relationship because you need to rely on them more and on other things less (ex. intimacy).
You have also stated that you get angry at him if he doesn't tell you what he did when he hung out with his friends when you talk later in the day. I know that you don't mean it this way, but this seems a bit controlling. He should be allowed to have relationships with people nearby and not have to give you a play-by-play of his day every time he hangs out with them. Just as it would seem controlling or nosy if he made you tell him everything you did that day, this doesn't seem healthy. Again, it comes to trust but also to privacy.
The other thing I have noted is that you say you Skype, call, and/or text "all day" and get mad at him when he won't talk to you when he's at his friends. This is mindboggling to me. You BOTH need to have your own friends, hobbies, and interests that are separate from the other person. I know it isn't fun when you don't get to talk all the time (SO is about to finish a placement and go into a job as a paramedic, which means shiftwork, so some days we have limited communication). However, this is OKAY and perfectly healthy. It is a sad part of a long distance relationship, but the more quickly you adjust to spending stretches of time not communicating with him the easier it will be. (This also comes in handy if something comes up, like working in an area without cell service or one partner going on a trip where they won't be available to communicate much.) What I suggest is finding something to do that you really enjoy to pass the time in addition to finding a job and/or going to school to keep you busy. I promise, the busier you are the easier it is to spend long stretches of time apart.
I am not saying that you and your boyfriend don't love each other, but these are just some things I've noticed. I would also recommend slowing down... there is no need to plan on moving in just yet! Yes, I know it isn't what you want to hear, but it is the truth. Even though you talk to him online all the time, that isn't the same as actually being with him. Many times, you feel more or less chemistry with a person you're talking to online than you do in real life. You can not truly know whether a person is a good match for you until you have spent a significant period of time together, in person, doing things. Long distance can sometimes be stressful, but it is a different kind of stress than, say, getting stuck in traffic or financial issues and the way a person deals with the two can be quite different.
I truly do wish you and your boyfriend the best. However, I think you definitely need to sort through a few things before you get ready to move in together, and certainly before you get engaged. I know that waiting isn't fun (SO & I have been together since the spring of 2008 and I'm not expecting a proposal before our 5th anniversary, and we may be together 6 or 7 *years* before getting married), but for youngin's like us, it is often the best course of action.
i get that, and it dose help, and eveyone says to wait, but i keep saying its not going to be anytime so, i would like to move in with him sooner then later, but i wont let myself do that, and he wont let me do that. and its not that i want him to tell me everything that gose on with his friend, but when i say "what did u guys do today?" i dont wnat "nothing" or "just things" cuz i do over think things, and he knows that, and i always think the worst, cuz thats the only thing thats happen to me, and i do have to work on myself before i can move in, but as i said, i wont let myself just becuse of that. and he dosnt ask what ive done in a day, i just tell him lol. im very open, if i have to pee i say, "ill brb i have to pee". i dont hide anything, and even if i want to i cant it makes me sad, and mad at myself, and what makes me mad, is i think why cant he be open. and please dont read into that, i love him the way he is, i dont want him to change, he says the same things about me. and the jealousy has gone down alot just cuz he asked me to move in when he can get a house, and after we have meet alot. and we only talk all day on my free time (not alot btw i work 2 jobs, so i dont have anydays off but one) so i talk to him after work (10 to i fall asleep) then at 10am im back up for work. and no im not jokeing, im at work right now. and jw but what is a so
and i want to move in with him now, or why i keep saying i do is ive had alot of ppl die latey, and one what my bf before mike. we were going to get married and move in with eachother, and we were working on it, he was walking to his friends and sliped on some ice and died alone. after that, i told myself i would never let that happen. if i fell in love again, i would never let him die alone. i would be there for them if they need me, and Ryan asked me to move in, but i was 17 and he was 16. so i said no, im not ready yet. and i did say yes to getting married but i told him i will some day. i used to think i had all the time in the world, even if i am sick, i cant die yet im to young. that was to he died, now i think about it the real way it is, i may have only tonight, do what i want and dont look back.
@shywolflover:Whoa, whoa. Here's what I'm seeing:
You need to work on a lot of stuff in your own self before making big commitments to someone else. I don't know you, but from what I've gotten from your post... Eep. You've had a lot to deal with. It sounds like a lot of your hurry is from this previous boyfriend who has passed on. I've seen someone react to a death in her family very poorly and in an extreme case of this. Her father died and she ended up looking for everything he gave her in random guys (ew) and has been married twice now. She's 21.
Listen, it sounds like in some ways you're trying to regain what you had with the other guy. It also sounds like you're very jealous, and lemme tell you.... nobody likes that. If you guys are as close as you claim, you need to talk it out. Say "You know it makes me feel like there's something you can't tell me when you won't tell me about your day. I don't need to be involved in everything, but my own issues make me worry. I trust you, but it would really help if you'd indulge me and just let me know you went and ate ice cream or what have you." He might not even know he's doing anything that upsets you. I've had that very same experience with friends.
Keep it slow. Moving in is a HUGE step. HUGEHUGEHUGE. It's basically tethering your life to someone else's, even if you're not married or anything.
I'm glad you found someone who cares about you, and I do hope everything works out. Call me old fashioned, I just think people in my age group (I'm 22) move wwwwwwaaayyyyyyy too quickly.
Also, if this is going to be a healthy relationship, get over meeting his friends. Seriously. You don't have to hang out with them all the time, but I've -known- couples where the girl is constantly holding the guy back, calling him to come home because she's lonely, and so on. Nobody likes that girl. She was invited, she wouldn't come, she was just ruining everything for everyone else. Not saying that's who you are, but just that you need to keep that in mind if you want people to like you.
i get what ur saying, but mike is nothing like rayn. and i like that, and i keep saying this, im not moving in with him right now, some day, i would like to now, but its not going to happen. and i want him to hang with his friends. i tell him he should all the time (like when im working and i cant talk to him, but he keeps texting lol) but its up to him to go. i dont want to keep him from them, i just want him to tell me what hes doing. but im aloner, its just the way i am, i dont even hang with my friends. + i dont like like meeting new ppl
but mike is comming up for my grand opening then hes coming back for v-day, so im happy with that, i havnt been thinking about moving in with him, to busy with work anyway
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im 19 and i meet my bf online, we meet when i was a freshmen in hightschool. we talked all the time, and we stared dating 5 mounths ago. we havnt meet yet, but we are both working on it. im working crazy hours and not going to school so i can work those hours. i have a problum talking about my feelings, and he dose to, but he talks about hes when he wants to and he wants me to talk about my feelings, and idk what to do. i really am having a hard time with jealousy of his friends cuz they are in the same state as him, and they get to see him. i can have a bit of a temper, but im shy to. and even with my temper im never mean, i make a joke abut really i mean it abit. i want to tell my bf (mike) that i dont want him hanging out with his girl friends cuz its not that i dont trust him, i dont trust them. i have seem girls pretend to cry so they can get a boy to hug them. and one time he said that one of his girl friends is like a sister and dint know why i got so mad, and my point is shes LIKE a sister, but shes NOT ur sister so u can do things with her if u want. v.v i just want the feelings to stop. i know i have to tell him how i feel but i dont know how to start. and for anyone who is going to say i should just dump him and get a bf in my state....no, i love my bf, and i had to fight my family and lost some of them to keep him, and im not going to let anything stand in the way of us being with eachother, at some point ill go back to school, i dont have the moeny now anyway, and i want to see him frist and them talk about school. he wants me to move in with him and meet his friends but i dont want to. i dont want anything to do with them, cuz most of them are girls
shy wolf girlhow do i make the feelings stop