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I can understand as my sister and I are both currently engaged and her wedding is in October and my wedding is next August. We got engaged four months apart and it's hard b/c it some ways it has brought us closer both planning at the same time but there is a natural inclination to compare myself to her and her wedding since we are the only two kids in my family. But in the end, I would just think that after her wedding is over, it will be back to being about you for those six weeks. And in the end, isn't the wedding really just about you and fiance and what works for you? I try to remind myself of that whenever I start to feel any insecurity or jealousy!
My FI's sister is getting married 3 months before us and everyone is definitely focused on their wedding. I understand because it's their daughter getting married and the son's wedding isn't as big of a deal to them because they don't have to do the decorations, catering, cake, etc. like for the daughters. It does frustrate me at times though because we still need to get our tuxes done which they are paying for and we can't get them to go because they're always doing something for her wedding. I've just gotten to the point where I don't really talk about our wedding with them and I know that once her wedding is over they will be able to focus more on ours.
I feel the same way with my FI's brother's wedding. They got engaged before us and as hard as I tried to be happy for my awesome future SIL that day I was really upset that my FI hadn't yet proposed. We had been talking about it forever and I still had no proposal, while his brother decided he wanted to marry her and within a week he had proposed. Even now I'm a little happy that our wedding will be first before theirs, and I'm a little ashamed of that. They are both amazing people and I just try to remind myself that it's not a competition or anything and now we can both plan our weddings together. It's nice to have someone going through the same things with you and to bounce ideas off of since the FI isn't much help with planning. :)
I understand that it's stressful but at least there are 6 weeks in between where people can get back to thinking about your upcoming wedding. I know it's hard but you don't own the month (and she isn't even in the same month). Be happy for her and then move on to your own wedding.
Thanks for the comments and I feel a little better knowing I'm not alone. I truely am happy for my sister and can't wait to be there on her day. Its been so nice to stay up late and talk wedding and it had brought us closer. Overall, it has been a smooth and great experience. But there's just those random moments where I just feel jealous. I've kept it in for awhile now, but I just needed to say something before I keep it in and over react.
Some moments just suck, like when I'm talking with my family and they're tapped out on the wedding talk. I get that everyone is overwhelmed since her wedding is in less than a week but my wedding isnt on hold because of this and i still want everyone there for me too.
Again, thank you... now I don't feel alone and I know I can let this feeling pass.
=)
I totally totally understand what you're going through. Jealousy can really make you feel like a bad person sometimes, but really, we all go through it and feel it in one way or another. You are definitely not alone.
So, I haven't had a sibling do that, but C and I have been engaged since December and are getting married in August. One of my BMs began seeing her guy in January, and is now getting married 6 days before me! Then, a couple of weeks ago, another friend had a surprise wedding. I kept thinking that it was like "oh, she's getting married? that's a good idea, I want to do it, too!"
But I have a sister, too, and can identify with what you're feeling. The good thing is, people have been focused on you for a while, and will be focused on you again after her wedding. In the end, you'll be the focus a lot longer than she will be, even though she'll have her spotlight first.
Personally I think its a little insensitive to plan a wedding 6 weeks before your sister's. I would probably be a little jealous too. And annoyed too.
jsp, I think you are handling this incredibly well actually. I have to say, I think I'd be pretty POed if my sister got engaged after me and undercut my wedding date by 6 weeks!... like jealous would be an understatement... more like raging with the fury of woman scorned! Good for you for being the bigger person though :)
You don't sound jealous so much, more like annoyed and justifiably so. She couldn't have had hers six weeks AFTER yours? I'm sorry - it's annoying that she's doing that but there's really not much you can do or say.
Don't be surprised if after your sister's wedding your family still might not be ready to jump right in to talking about another wedding immediately! Give them a week to recuperate, then start gradually getting them into the mood again. Think on the bright side though. Your sister's wedding will sort of be a "dress rehearsal" for yours and will help you figure out what works and what doesn't!
I can def. understand your jealously...I am three years older than my sister and my fear was she'd get married/engaged before me. I don't know why it bothered me, I guess just feeling older I felt like I should be getting married first. I am getting married in two weeks and she's not engaged yet but has been with SO for 3 1/2 years. I still feel like I'd be jealous if she had gotten engaged before me. I guess just try to put it out of your head and think about you and your FI and how exciting it will be to be married soon. Congrats!!!
This has never happened to me as my sisters and I are 5 and 7 years apart. But the bright side is her engagement will be short and it will be all over before you get married.
I haven't experience this with a sibling, but I come from a large family with lots of cousins and I know everyone's been trying to not have their weddings close together as it would be difficult for the family to attend all weddings. I think the general rule is to have 2-month intervals. For siblings it would probably be longer.
I'm sorry you feel like she's stolen your thunder, but look on the bright side. Her wedding will be over first, and yours will be the grand finale!
@Mustang- I had a very similar experience! My FI had been together about 5 years when his bro proposed to his girlfriend after they had been together for just under a year. Then they started talking about getting married at my dream location. I was so jealous! Everything worked out in the end and we are having a beautiful wedding in 2 weeks...a year after his brothers.
If one of my sisters did that to me, argh!!!
Personally, I think you have every right to be annoyed or mad. She was being extremely selfish here. She knew when you were getting married and then impulsively plans hers 6 weeks before. wow. But now that I think about it, maybe she was jealous of you? Could that be why she tried to beat you to the finish line. Either way, don't let it get to you.
i wouldnt let my sister get married the same year as me. she didnt have a choice! i dont think its right for sisters to get married in the same year let alone 6 weeks apart from eachother, since we are eachothers mohs but even still.. i dunno i would feel she was trying to take attn away from us. and im not a big attn getter but i still wouldnt be thrilled if i were you, however theres nothing you could do about it. you let her have her day be supportive blahhh and as soon as its over the focus will shift back to yours and you get your day..look at it like this ... its like your getting hers out of the way so at your wedding..you dont have to hear ABOUT HER upcoming wedding. it will be old news by then.. not to be rude to your sis.but im just saying! I have had my wedding planned for 2 years already and its a year away and 2 of my friends (all in eachothers weddings) are having weddings booked after mine around the same time.. 1 is 3 weeks before mine and 1 is 3 months after im like wtf!
I think you are right to be upset about the situation because it may have been a little selfish of her to steal your spotlight like that unless there's an emergency and they have to tie the knot immediately, like if she's pregnant and needs to get on her husbands health insurance or something. I got engaged 4 months after my sister and intentionally set my date for 6 whole months after hers to be respectful which I really didn't want to do since I didn't want a long engagement or to be married in the spring since it rains all the time on the east coast. I always dreamed of a fall or winter wedding. So basically I let my sister have the wedding of my dreams out of respect. Of course, that still didn't stop her from throwing several temper tantrums about me being engaged at the same time as her.. sigh..
@jspeby: Hi. I have to tell you that my F has an older sister who got engaged AFTER us. Since her engagement his family has been just awful to me and now to boot she just one a free wedding and has decided to do her wedding just 6 weeks before ours...even though we have had our date booked for over a year and everything is planned. She has also expressed an interest in the colors I chose for our wedding. His family puts her happiness over his and I can see him getting more and more upset everyday on top of all of the added stress this puts on us because she is a bridesmaid in our wedding (his choosing not mine) so I feel your pain!
I'm going to be TOTALLY honest with you.
The issue is not that your sister is getting married....the issue is just you and what's inside of you.
Why should you be jealous and be upset? YOU are getting married too! isn't that all that counts? Who cares who's first or last! the FACT is your getting married to a man you LOVE! end of story. There's more important things in life to worry about! This is family for peets sake.
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I feel like I just need to vent this out so it can stop stressing me!
My FI and I have been engaged for awhile now and we're almost to the finish line with the wedding being just a few weeks away. Back in may, my younger sister called to announce her engagment and I am beyond estatic for them since I've been hoping they would get married one day.
But the jealous part comes in where she only has a 2 month engagement. in 2 months she threw everything together and is just going for it. This totally suites her personality and I'm not jealous that she threw it together so quick, but i feel like shes taken the spotlight. For so long now FI and I have been putting our wedding together and we're finally on the last stretch and the whole familiy has switched to being completely focused on my sister, since her wedding is 6 weeks before ours. I want to show up to her wedding and completely supportive but theres this under lying jealousy thats eating away at me.
Anyone else experience another siblings wedding at the same time as their own?