(Closed) jealous of my sisters wedding….

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I can understand as my sister and I are both currently engaged and her wedding is in October and my wedding is next August.  We got engaged four months apart and it’s hard b/c it some ways it has brought us closer both planning at the same time but there is a natural inclination to compare myself to her and her wedding since we are the only two kids in my family.  But in the end, I would just think that after her wedding is over, it will be back to being about you for those six weeks.  And in the end, isn’t the wedding really just about you and fiance and what works for you?   I try to remind myself of that whenever I start to feel any insecurity or jealousy!

Post # 4
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My FI’s sister is getting married 3 months before us and everyone is definitely focused on their wedding. I understand because it’s their daughter getting married and the son’s wedding isn’t as big of a deal to them because they don’t have to do the decorations, catering, cake, etc. like for the daughters. It does frustrate me at times though because we still need to get our tuxes done which they are paying for and we can’t get them to go because they’re always doing something for her wedding. I’ve just gotten to the point where I don’t really talk about our wedding with them and I know that once her wedding is over they will be able to focus more on ours.

Post # 5
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I feel the same way with my FI’s brother’s wedding. They got engaged before us and as hard as I tried to be happy for my awesome future SIL that day I was really upset that my FI hadn’t yet proposed. We had been talking about it forever and I still had no proposal, while his brother decided he wanted to marry her and within a week he had proposed. Even now I’m a little happy that our wedding will be first before theirs, and I’m a little ashamed of that. They are both amazing people and I just try to remind myself that it’s not a competition or anything and now we can both plan our weddings together. It’s nice to have someone going through the same things with you and to bounce ideas off of since the FI isn’t much help with planning. 🙂

Post # 6
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I understand that it’s stressful but at least there are 6 weeks in between where people can get back to thinking about your upcoming wedding.  I know it’s hard but you don’t own the month (and she isn’t even in the same month).  Be happy for her and then move on to your own wedding.

Post # 8
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally totally understand what you’re going through.  Jealousy can really make you feel like a bad person sometimes, but really, we all go through it and feel it in one way or another.  You are definitely not alone.

Post # 9
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

So, I haven’t had a sibling do that, but C and I have been engaged since December and are getting married in August. One of my BMs began seeing her guy in January, and is now getting married 6 days before me! Then, a couple of weeks ago, another friend had a surprise wedding. I kept thinking that it was like “oh, she’s getting married? that’s a good idea, I want to do it, too!”

But I have a sister, too, and can identify with what you’re feeling. The good thing is, people have been focused on you for a while, and will be focused on you again after her wedding. In the end, you’ll be the focus a lot longer than she will be, even though she’ll have her spotlight first.

Post # 10
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Personally I think its a little insensitive to plan a wedding 6 weeks before your sister’s. I would probably be a little jealous too. And annoyed too.

Post # 11
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

jsp, I think you are handling this incredibly well actually. I have to say, I think I’d be pretty POed if my sister got engaged after me and undercut my wedding date by 6 weeks!… like jealous would be an understatement… more like raging with the fury of woman scorned! Good for you for being the bigger person though 🙂

Post # 12
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You don’t sound jealous so much, more like annoyed and justifiably so.  She couldn’t have had hers six weeks AFTER yours?  I’m sorry – it’s annoying that she’s doing that but there’s really not much you can do or say.

Post # 13
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

Don’t be surprised if after your sister’s wedding your family still might not be ready to jump right in to talking about another wedding immediately!  Give them a week to recuperate, then start gradually getting them into the mood again.  Think on the bright side though.  Your sister’s wedding will sort of be a “dress rehearsal” for yours and will help you figure out what works and what doesn’t!

Post # 14
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can def. understand your jealously…I am three years older than my sister and my fear was she’d get married/engaged before me. I don’t know why it bothered me, I guess just feeling older I felt like I should be getting married first. I am getting married in two weeks and she’s not engaged yet but has been with SO for 3 1/2 years. I still feel like I’d be jealous if she had gotten engaged before me. I guess just try to put it out of your head and think about you and your FI and how exciting it will be to be married soon. Congrats!!!

Post # 15
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

This has never happened to me as my sisters and I are 5 and 7 years apart. But the bright side is her engagement will be short and it will be all over before you get married.

Post # 16
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I haven’t experience this with a sibling, but I come from a large family with lots of cousins and I know everyone’s been trying to not have their weddings close together as it would be difficult for the family to attend all weddings. I think the general rule is to have 2-month intervals. For siblings it would probably be longer.

I’m sorry you feel like she’s stolen your thunder, but look on the bright side. Her wedding will be over first, and yours will be the grand finale!

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