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Okay, I know I am being very unreasonable and jealous, but I hope there are a few others out there that can validate my feelings and help me to cope with this.  Here's the deal--my sister, with whom I am very close, just had a sweet baby girl.  This is the first for everyone--her first baby, my first niece, and my parents' first grandchild.  So it's extremely exciting, everyone is so happy, and she is the best baby ever.  

So why am I jealous?  I think it's because my sister first announced that she was expecting immediately after she found out, which just happened to be two days before several members of my family came to visit and to attend my law school graduation.  I totally admit that I was hypersensitive about her "stealing my thunder," and but for this hypersensitivity, I otherwise might not have noticed that when my sister and I first arrived at the hotel to see all of my aunts, parents, grandma, etc., they all congratulated her about the baby before congratulating me about graduating.  And that with only two days' notice, my mom found the time to go to the bookstore to buy my sister five different "What to Expect When You're Expecting" type of books, but only got me a card for graduation (and she never got me a graduation gift...ever.  I am not complaining, like I was expecting to get a gift... but it was just difficult not to be jealous, given that my mom showed up with a gift for my sister for getting pregnant and no gift for me, even though I just graduated from graduate school, first EVER in my family).

Then when Christmas rolled around, my fiance and I got engaged and went home to visit, and I felt that my mom was genuinely excited--we went to the bookstore and got a dozen wedding mags.  But that quickly wore off because my sister gave birth less than three weeks later.

Additionally, my mom now talks to my sister far more frequently than she talks to me.  I have always been in closer contact with my mom--we usually talk two to three times per week, whereas my sister and my mom only talked once every two to three weeks, and my mom usually got updates about my sister from me (since I talk to and see my sis frequently).  Now, when I call my mom, she never bothers to call me back and I usually have to try several times (over the course of several days) before I finally get through to her.  Every time I talk to her, she mentions that she talked to my sister earlier that day, and the day before, and the day before that, etc.  But apparently she didn't have time to return my phone calls.

And--last gripe--my parents just came out to visit to meet our sweet little baby for the first time (my sister and I live in the same area, and our parents live about a 12-hour drive away).  My fiance and I had a great time with them, but it was clear throughout the entire weekend that we were secondary.  Okay, that's understandable.  But I called my parents at the time they were supposed to arrive home after the long drive back, and my mom told me that they had <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">just arrived home only 25 minutes before and so she couldn't talk long as they needed to continue unloading the car, etc.  But guess who she had already called?  Yep, you probably guessed--my sister.  Just to see how her day went.

Ugh!  I hate that I am feeling so jealous, because I love my sister, I love my mom, and I love love love my baby niece!  But I am seriously beginning to feel like no one cares about me and my fiance getting married, now that there is a baby in the family--like who cares about a one day, expensive celebration when there is the next generation to think about?  For what it's worth, I am not at all the type of person who needs to be the center of attention--in fact, I am normally quite reserved and shy about attention/accomplishments.

I kind of feel like eloping or something... every time I talk with my mom about our wedding plans, I feel like she could not care less!  And it makes me feel so unloved.

Has anyone else felt this way?  How did you cope?  Should I say something to my mom, or just let it pass?   

Caliocteach, Sparkles, and FizicsGirl--thank you so much for responding so quickly.  I am glad that I am not the only one who has felt this way... FizicsGirl--I can't imagine if my sister was due one week after the wedding--I would go nuts!  You're strong, girl.  I guess it's better that her due date is after rather than before, though, huh?  Ironically, my sister and BIL are already planning her next baby--keep your fingers crossed that s/he won't arrive near our wedding date!

I hope that in a few weeks or months that things will reach an equilibrium, and maybe when that happens I won't feel like our union is so overshadowed.  And especially as our wedding date approaches.  I probably won't say anything to my mom, and not to my sister either--I definitely don't want either of them to feel bad.  And what would I say anyway--"Mom, please pay attention to me?"  or "Sis, Mom doesn't care about me anymore because of you and the baby?"  

I guess the upside is that my fiance is an only child with hardly any extended family, so his father (mother has passed) is just beside himself with excitement.  But even as I type that, I realize that I am still sad that my own mom is currently preoccupied.  

Oh well... I know that time will make it all better.  Thank you all so much for the kind words and perspectives.

snmcdowell--I think you hit the nail on the head.  She never went to college, no one in my family has.  So I know that she can't really relate to what I went through in college or law school, and what it was like to take the bar exam, and what it's like for me now as a new attorney, etc. 

And when I start thinking about it, I remember thinking that I felt a similar feeling (although it was less noticeable back then) when I graduated from college and first began law school... my sister and her husband had just bought their first home, which was a big time fixer-upper.  My parents love home improvement projects and had just finished a total remodel of their own home.  So they would come out to visit and help them with their project of the month, and they sent them tons of gift cards to home improvement stores and power tools, etc.  But they have never even stepped a foot inside my law school, where I spent nearly every single day of my life for three years!  And now I have my own office (and it's nice--top floor of our building and has a great view! I definitely would love for my parents to see my digs), and I offered to take them on a tour of my firm when they came to visit recently, and they seriously could not care less.  We never did it because they just didn't want to deal with parking.

Is this seriously how the rest of my life is going to be?  I have always had a very close relationship with my mom, and it seems too sad to just accept that my mom cares more about my sister's kid(s) than me and move on.  Is there anything else I can do? 

I know exactly how you feel.  The good news: it'll pass.  Babies make ever normally sane people goo and gah over the newest family member, and everyone and everything is overshadowed for a little while. I only have one recommendation, and it's to not be jealous of your niece.  be jealous of the attention your sister is getting, be jealous that your parents didn't seem to care about your new office, but don't let it cloud your judgment when it comes to your niece. 

Once you've had time to let the dust settle, seriously talk to your mom...and your sister.  Tell them how you feel, and epress to them that you feel like your accomplishments don't matter. 

Good luck!

This is perfectly normal.  Babies steal the thunder from ANYONE and ANYTHING!  It will get better though.  Keep planning your wedding, and I'm sure your mom will come around.  It is her first grandbaby! She'll be a little crazy for awhile.  Believe me, my sister had a baby boy, who is now 18 months (and I love sooo much).  He was the first for everyone and the constant center of attention.  But it does wear off and you'll get your mom back :)  Plus, it'll be your turn for the baby next right? ;)

Thank you all so much for your helpful feedback!  I feel a lot better already.  I think I just need to be patient until the baby novelty wears off.  If I still feel like my mom doesn't care about our wedding (or me) in a few months, I may say something to her, just to let her know how I am feeling.  

Don't feel bad...it shouldn't be natural but it happens and your parents kinda suck...they seem to be missing the oh so famous "sensitivity chip"...

Be proud of your own accomplishments even if it seems they don't notice. You have done GREAT things for yourself!

Hang in there.

Wow, you have NO idea how much I can relate. I have been feeling this way SO much lately. Not gonna lie, I am having a HUGE year this year. I finish all of my classes in March, have my graduation ceremony in June, and then get married in October. Yet, the only thing anyone can talk about is my pregnant sister. This isn't even her first baby (it's her third), yet that is seriously all I hear about.

I was on my way to school today and I stopped to see my mom. Immediately she starts talking to me about having a baby shower for my sister. Guess when she is planning the baby shower... the weekend RIGHT after I finish my last final ever. Happy graduation to me, right? Might I add that I am the FIRST person in my family to graduate college.

 I always feel like I am acting selfish whenever stuff like that bothers me, but it happens way too often to go unnoticed. My fiance even brought it up a little bit ago (which made me feel much better that he noticed it too). 

All I have to say is that your feelings are COMPLETELY valid. Don't ever feel like they aren't. I am not sure how to handle the situation (I am still sorting that out myself), but just know that if no one in your family seems excited for you, you have TONS and TONS of support here on Weddingbee. We are all VERY excited for you. 

 Take care,

hisMrs

Just wanted to say thanks again to everyone for the insight and thoughtful validation (really, even though it doesn't always help to figure the situation out, it's just nice to know that I am not alone and a horrible person!).  

Also, Suzanno, thank you so much for your perspective.  My fiance always says that my parents don't make a big deal out of my accomplishments because they're so expected.  However, my sister is at the other end of the spectrum--a starving artist type that now works at a used bookstore, who qualified for food stamps until only a couple of years ago.  It is very interesting to hear from a parent's perspective that sometimes parents celebrate one child's accomplishments more than another because their respective expectations are so different.    

I can empathize.  My brother (of no fault of his own, he's 10 years older than me) managed to have every major life step fall in with one of mine.  I graduated high school, he got married.  I got engaged, his wife got pregnant.  I graduated college, he had his baby.  I jokingly pointed this out to him one day and he felt so bad.  Thankfully my family has been pretty reasonable about it all.  Mom is able to get equally excited (and stressed >.<) about the baby and the wedding.  It's a little hard not to feel jealous sometimes, then I go visit and it's all better.  Good luck!  And when things calm down a bit, mention to your mom that you're feeling pushed to the side, she probably doesn't realize she's doing it.