(Closed) Jealous of the past….

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

You are not alone, jealousy always rears its ugly head from time to time. I use to never be a jealous person until I was once in a relationship where I thought everything was great, not knowing I had competition. My guy was running around all over the place flirting etc. I thought I was over it when I met my now FI seeing that I was older, wiser and knew exactly what I wanted, but it was hard because 1. He was engaged to his longtime girlfriend for a month before he finally broke it off and after her he dated around, alot and dated alot before his longtime girlfriend. 2. He has a huge family of women and their friends who we are in the same age range always had crushes on him and it was hard to deal with all the female friends. Its so differnent now, but it took me alot to trust him and get over my jealousy.  Yea the past sucks it really does. But it shapes who you are today and you have to look at this way, the fact that he has been in other serious relationships, shows you he is a one woman guy who loves monogamy. And after going through relationships you develop and learn what you really want in a life partner, thus you are now his FI. Do not look back, he chose to spend the rest of his life with you and thats all that matters! It will pass, I promise. Just promise me to not let interfere with your relationship. That is never healthy.

Post # 4
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 I liked what Bear9206 said about the past shaping who we are.

I hear you.  I had a similar experience.  I tried being all zen about the fact that my husband had been married before.  ("No I don’t hate her guts.  She made some bad shoices, which led to my good fortune.  I should thank her.")  But after a while, I got caught up in things like, he’s shy about inviting a lot of people to our wedding because they were invited to the first.  (What doesn’t he care about our relationship, like he did his first?)  Then there was the fact that no matter what I did, I knew I’d never be his first bride.  Sigh.  Not to mention all the times you hear, "you never forget your first love".  Uggg.

For me, I had one boyfriend before my husband.  While we dated for two years, I can say now, I really didn’t love him.  Or at least looking back, it didn’t seem that way.  I suppose at the time I thought I did.  If you have had relationships in the past, try to draw on them to see how much past relationships really are done, and no longer mean anything to you.  While I don’t hate my exboyfriend, I really never think about him. 

So I can say taht it does get easier.  You will spend more time and years with him, than any of his past girlfriends.  You will have children, a wedding, anniversaries etc that they will never have with him.  Good luck.  God bless.

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