Jealous sister

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1716 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, that’s some odd behavior.

It seems to me that your parents/family have let this behavior go on much longer than it should have. This should have been dealt with earlier, for both her and your sakes. This really is not good for her. I know that she could still be confronted with it now, but what effects that will have, I do not know. The fact that you’ve had to deal with this for as long as you have isn’t right.

You’re doing the right thing by not telling her any of your plans, and not showing your anger and frustration in front of her. I’m glad that you’be been able to do it so well, too. 

Post # 3
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yikes. I would do as you are doing and not share anything with her. Make your Pinterest page private, if you have one for wedding planning. And talk to your family/wedding party and make sure they don’t give her any details either. Tell them this is your way of “keeping the peace”, if they complain. 


Post # 5
1716 posts
Bumble bee

KittyNoire: That “keep the peace” mentality is very harmful when used improperly. Sometimes giving things to or up for ones siblings is necessary or a nice thing to do, but it usually shouldn’t be a requirement all the time. That’s just not right — that’s not how that’s meant to be. 

You don’t sound petty at all. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. Keeping your family out of the wedding arrangements and planning process is probably for the best. It’s about time for you to be able to focus on yourself. Planning a wedding is stressful enough, you don’t need any more to be placed on top of that. 

Saying “no” at the right times is essential. Don’t feel bad for doing what’s right for you, and making sure that you’re able to meet your own needs before focusing on someone else’s wants. I hope your therapy is very effective, and that you’re able to see yourself in a healthy and correct way.

Post # 6
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like your sister is very unhappy in her own skin and has struggled her whole life with finding her own identity. If you sincerely feel that she is jealous of you and stealing your ideas and happiness, then stop sharing your wedding ideas with her. But it sounds like there are much deeper-rooted issues your whole family needs to deal with if you want a healthy relationship with one another. 

Post # 7
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

MrsYokiman:  +1

Your sister needs help. Don’t say a word about your plans for the wedding, obviously, but at some point you’re going to have to face this issue with her.

Post # 9
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sigh… Your parents should have nipped this in the bud, not encouraged this irrational behavior. You don’t have to focus solely on the happiness of others and never on your own, that could not be less healthy. Please, don’t tell your sister or the rest of the bunch anything about your wedding. HAVE YOUR DREAM WEDDING! Forget her and what she wants. She is trying to once again steal your joy, don’t allow her or anyone else to do so. Tell everyone that you do not wish to discuss it, and that they will just have to be surprised. Go pick dresses with some female friends. If you are close with FI’s family then do things with them… Enjoy yourself and have fun planning despite the family drama.

Post # 10
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are facilitating her behavior by failing to confront her. When she described her dream wedding, you could have said “Hey wait a minute! That’s my dream wedding. I told you about it in college and I claim dibs on the green dress”.

Ho long are you going to go on babying this girl and letting her have her own way about everything in life?

Post # 11
335 posts
Helper bee

Your folks definitely should have nipped this YEARS ago and facilitated better behavior, and also should have supported you. I am sorry you are going through this – and one day you will have to have that conversation with your sister, but if you want to wait until after wedding then just keep your ideas to yourself and plan the day YOU want – doesn’t matter what anyone else says and she can say what she wants – she is not planning a wedding so you go ahead and plan yours and if she makes a big deal about it then that is her insecurities and there’s no reason for you to say sorry or not plan the day you want. Sorry you are going through this, good luck!!

Post # 12
2367 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Stop coddling her.  Grow a spine, and do what you want for your wedding.  Her insecurities and problems are HER issues, not yours.  You are not responsible for her actions.  Have your autumn wedding with the green dress.  And don’t tell her about it beforehand.  Just go for it.  And if she gives you a hard time, smile sweetly and tell her “Honey, if you liked the idea so much, you should have made sure you were the first one married”.

Post # 15
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

So sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds like such a toxic relationship. I understand the whole”keeping the peace” mentality. My family operates in a similar way, to a lesser degree though. The next time your sister blows up at you just simply state, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I hope you can find a way to be happy for me.” and end the conversation. There is no way to spin those words around because it puts the responsibility in her lap and you are not “causing trouble” or “acting crazy”.

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