(Closed) Jealousy

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think my husband and I are the same way. I asked him just the other day if we were wierd for this.

When with our closest friends, we tend to lose our space bubble and end up in cuddle piles. If michelle and Darling Husband are having a movie night while i’m at work, I have found them asleep on the couch together with her cuddles up to him. I can’t blame her… he’s a big cuddly guy. But I know that her ‘type’ is definitely not him and his type is me. So it’s not a big thing.

The only jealousy I get is that he gets to have more fun than me because he works in the day and I work overnights… so he gets to hang out during ‘hang out time’ and I don’t. When it overwhelms me, I tell him that he and his friends better have something fun going on during my day off.

Post # 4
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think that’s weird at all! My fiance works at a vet clinic, which is chock-full of females…and he hangs out with them regularly, with or without me. I don’t care a bit. It isn’t like he’s hiding anything, and it isn’t like they don’t know I’m with him. 

He was also very popular in high school (we went to middle and high school together, didn’t date back then), so anytime we’re out and some girl sees him, even if she doesn’t know me, runs up and hugs him. I see no problem with that, even if he forgets to introduce me, if I don’t know her. He was a ladies man before there was a “we”…but I have full faith and trust in him, because that’s just how we are. 

The only real ping of jealousy I ever had was before we were officially dating, and I came home to him snuggled with my roommate (and best friend, at the time) watching tv. He STILL thinks I’m crazy for being bothered by that, because to him, that isn’t weird at all. I’m just not a cuddly/touchy person.

That being said, I’m usually the girl that his guy friends say is “so cool” because little things like going out to a strip club for a buddy’s bachelor party, or talking to a girl on the phone, or doing something nice for another female, don’t really bother me at all. I guess I’m just not sensitive. And I TRUST him. 

From his side of things, he may deal with jealousy a little differently. I am the morning meteorologist on tv here in town, and get a lot of guys asking me out and complimenting me via facebook and email. Although he knows it happens, that’s  kind of part of my job, and I know he probably gets a bit bothered, but I try not to mention it, because they are STRANGERS. It took a while for him to understand that this is a part of what I do, especially as a female, but once we were engaged, I could officially talk about him on the air, and that made him happy. 🙂

If people criticize you for trusting each other, so be it. I guess we’re all a little weird! 



Post # 5
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well I think there is trusting your SO and there is inviting things to happen that should not. You should always protect your relationship. That means that the man should do whatever it takes to protect his relationship with you from outsiders and you should be doing whatever it takes to protect your relationship with him from outsiders.

This can mean anything from flirting, to not letting yourself get drunk without your SO, to not allowing intimacy to happen in any form with friendships (the above example of cuddling). Your relationship should be so important to you that other friendships are not as important. That’s not jealousy, that is being on the same page that your relationship is equally important.

I am not suspicious of my partner. He is free to go out with friends, talk to people, but I would hope that in doing so he would always be putting a high value on our relationship as I do when out without him.

Post # 7
9075 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband and I are under the agreement that we trust each other explicitly unless we give one another a reason not to.

He’s never given me a reason not to, so I trust him completely.

My husband is in the Navy and I do not always have “control” over him that some women have (He’s home every night, talk to him every day, etc.) and I won’t know what he’s doing at all some days. He goes on 12 hour flights and sometimes he has to share a bed with a woman due to time constraints. He often has to share a bed with other men, too. It happens.

He works with a lot of women (both in office and on the plane) and will deploy with them as well. They all share rooms/bunks/bunkers/etc and the only exception is whe a base puts them up at the hotel, which isn’t too often.

I think there is a huge difference between jealousy and protecting your relationship. Jealousy means something needs to be addressed, and protecting your relationship means you’re setting rules and boundaries for both of you to remain in.


I think my brain is incapable of feeling jealousy, because I cannot remember ever feeling jealous. I think jealousy is kind of like guilt — it’s a useless emotion that usually gets you into far more trouble, so I just… don’t do it.

Post # 8
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it really depends on the guy too, though.

In my current relationship, I feel content & loved, I’ve never been suspicious of my fi of anything. He can hang out with whoever he wants.

My ex however, I wouldn’t say I was jealous but more angry, and I later found out I had good reason to be. He had a “girl” friend who would call him ALL the time. They were friends before I knew him, so it was alright. It always made me wonder though, she seemed SO attatched. So I asked him about it one time, and he said that they had discussed getting together and decided it would never work. Great! I forgot about it. Towards the end of the relationship I found out that in the middle, they apparently had sex to see if they were compatble. Awesome. Of course, my ex told me it was okay, because they weren’t. He was such a sleeze ball.

Post # 9
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My Fiance and I have a fantastic relationship much like yours. We live in different states even because of work (for now) and he tells me what he’s up to on a regular basis and I do the same for him. Most of my friends are guys and his are guys as well and he doesn’t care at all if I go out with them or stay out late with them or stay there if I can’t drive myself home and he goes out with friends and does the same but we are always on the phone talking throughout the days to the point where it just can’t be suspicious and I agree that jealousy is bad news in relationships because it IS a bit of an insecurity issue and that will only cause problems in the long run.

I LOVE my relationship and how there is not even a second thought of suspicion, it’s the first relationship I’ve been in where there just is nothing to worry about because we are WAY too open and honest for all the sneaking around and I think we have both been in so many relationships where we are wiser and over the whole “lots of fish in the sea” thing. It’s truly nice to be in stress free trusting relationship.

Post # 11
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Rachel631:  I am an extremely cuddly person…with my husband. He is an extemely cuddly person, with me. I would find him cuddling someone besides me extremely disrespectful. Luckily we are on the same page with those ideals (which is what is important that you both have the same moral compass and ideals).

We are older (39 and 42), both previously married, so maybe that has something to do with stricker boundries that are well defined. We have both seen what murky boundries have done to other relationships/marriages over the years.

Post # 12
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Rachel631:  I think there’s no one size fits all answer. If it works for you, then great. It sounds like you both have a lot of opposite sex friends before you got together.

On the other hand, my SO and I don’t really have any close opposite sex friends. It would be very weird/scary to me if he suddenly developed a friendship w. a female and stayed the night at her house. He doesn’t do this with his male friends!

I feel uncomfortable hanging out alone w. a male who isn’t my SO. I used to have many male friends, but as I got older it got more and more uncomfortable – I’d ALWAYS be hit on. I prefer female friends.

We hang out w. the odd opposite sex friend/acquaintance but always in a neutral, public place. I just feel more comfortable that way. I don’t really see it as appropriate to be alone with a guy who isn’t my SO in my bedroom or whatever. It’s not that I want to cheat, I just feel calmer when you’re as far removed as possible from any scenario where ANYTHING could happen. I don’t like when guys make a pass at me. It just feels wrong lol.

Your relationship sounds perfectly fine for you, though. I think it’s more complex than simply trust issues. For example, when I was single I didn’t feel comfortable with just me and a male alone in my apartment either. It’s not that I think I’m going to be tempted to cheat.

Post # 13
5288 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Ha, people think my husband and I are odd as a couple as well. They have come right out and said “that’s wierd” or “I don’t know what to make of you two”. Some people, for example, are flabbergasted that my husband will readily share with me if he is attracted to someone (and I am interested to hear about it!), or that we are so open and honest with each other about everything, and we can be very upfront and authentic with each other instead of tip-toeing around things out of fear of “hurting” the other. We are each adults, and respect that the other is an adult and emotionally aware and responsible. Our previous relationships were not this way, so it is incredibly refreshing and neither of us would have it any other way (or we would not have married!).

We trust each other absolutely, and have never given either cause not to. In terms of friendships, we both have friendships with the opposite sex. We work with both sexes frequently. He has a couple very close female friends he regularly is in touch with, be it phone calls or texts or hanging out in person. I have met them, hung out with them, and so on so they are not unknown to me.  I have several male friends, many of those friendships originated in previous careers, or my current one, and there is nothing untoward about any of them! Friendships, for me, are important regardless of said friend’s genitalia.

We do believe that we are each other’s primary partners, that we will put our relationship with each other first. We don’t tell others things we cannot tell each other. We tell each other everything we tell others. We talk about everything and anything. However, we don’t believe we should be closed to the world or we can’t have important relationships with others either. We have our expectations and boundaries, which have been well discussed, and we each choose to respect them. We both trust ourselves to respect them. We are able to function in a world with other men and women around and still respect each other and our relationship in a way where we do not feel stifled or distrusted. 

It truly is stress free, easygoing and trusting. I feel incredibly loved, respected and secure. I would not have it any other way.

Post # 14
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with PP that say it’s a situation full of variables. I’ve always had a LOT of male friends – close and acquaintences. I grew up in a small town and all of the friends I see regularly when I go home are guys; it’s just how things are. My ex-FI was totally comfortable with this, as is my current SO.

However, a guy I almost started a relationship with in the fall of last year was TOTALLY jealous and basically told me he could never be comfortable with that – so I decided that was a big indicator we weren’t right for one another.

If two people are open with each other and trust one another, I think there’s a way to work around the friend situation. Hell, my SO and I are both friends with our most recent exes. Do I get a TIIIINY bit jealous when I hear he’ll be somewhere she is? Sure. But I trust him 100% and he goes out of his way, like your Fiance, to reassure me that nothing would ever happen and I believe him because why would he tell me he’s doing this stuff if he were trying to hide anything?


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