Post # 1
Ive been super emotional today…to the point that I spent my lunch hour in my car just staring into space/crying. I can usually hold myself together but not today…not this time.
I have a lot of issues that is making TTC extra difficult and we’ve been trying..have had a very long road thus far but long story short………my coworker who has done nothing but talk about how another child will ruin her life, etc. announced today that she is pregnant. She didnt even tell me, I had to hear it while she was telling others then she finally told me and asked if I was happy for her. I lied. I NEVER lie but today I did.
I want to be happy for her..I really do…but I am nothing but jealous. It doesnt help that every 5 minutes she announces that her boobs hurt or she has to pee again.
How do you deal with jealousy? I know she is very early so its going to be a long road in our small office of all women…I need to learn to deal with this. Suggestions please?
In all honesty, this is how I feel…as bad as it sounds…
Post # 3
Oh hun I know how you feel! I was told by my mum yesterday that my cousin (who had her first daughter at 15 and she just turned 20 earlier this month) is 8 weeks along…I smiled and played along but inside I was a seething green eyed monster….don’t get me wrong I love my cousin and she’s a great mother but yeah nothing can stop that “hey it’s my turn!” Reaction….there’s no way to stop it really but hey feel free to pm me if you want someone to talk too 🙂
Post # 4
We’re not officially ttc just yet but I just wanted to say that I can imagine your frustration. I have the baby fever BAD and everyone around me left, right and center is falling pregnant! sometimes I get a little greeneyed myself!!
The thing is you just have to remain positive for you and your partner. One day it WILL be your turn! visualisation is a powerful thing. Believe and it will happen! I am crossing my fingers for you~!
Post # 5
@autumnlynnhill: Uhhh I feel your pain. There are so many emotions that go along with TTC so when these kind of announcements can be like rubbing salt on a wound. How long have you been trying? Join one of the 6+ month TTC or 1yr+ boards if you haven’t already. You will be in good company, especially on these really crappy kind of days.
As fas as advise.. since chances are you are going to hear about her pregnancy a lot id just say fake it till you make it. When I am not feeling particulary excited about chatting all things pregnancy with a friend I will just keep on my happy face and do it because in the end, it is not THEIR fault I am not pregnant and they do deserve to be excited. Also just change the subject whenever you can.
Post # 6
@autumnlynnhill: *hugs* I’m sorry that you’re hurting so much. I constantly find myself feeling the same way. Saw a fb post where an old friend announced that he and his wife were expecting twins, ffs. And yeah, especially seeing people I’ve known for years that never wanted kids are all ‘oops I’m preggo again for the 3rd time’ makes me want to bash my head into a wall. I’m just chalking it up to their serene smugness and go play a game where I can kill stuff, so I at least have something of an outlet.
Are you able to go to a gym or a fitness center and try working off some frustration? I’ve started walking, and the fresh air and sun sometimes helps me. Email me if you ever wanna talk.
Post # 7
It’s okay to be a little jealous but eventually you should just move on.
Post # 8
You are certainly not alone – I think jealousy is a very normal part of TTC, especially if you’ve been trying for a long time. I don’t know how long you’ve been TTC, but there are a couple great threads here for support if you’ve been trying over 6 months or over 1 year. Feel free to come join us!
6 months: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/the-6-month-ttc-group-part-16-lets-see-some-more-graduates
1 year: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/1-year-ttc-part-v
Post # 9
It is hard, and it feels awful to be jealous. Because she told you last and ask specifically if you were happy for her, that makes me wonder if she knows about your struggle. If she does, she is being insensitive (an unprofessional in any setting) to give boob updates and pee urge announcements. If you can, try to distance yourself a little until she stops with the hourly pregnancy updates.
Post # 10
I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Unfortunately jealousy is a very real thing to deal with while having trouble TTC. I would suggest you joining us on the boards @hardtoconcentrate: suggested if you have been TTC for 6+ or 1+. FX for you lady.
Post # 11
I hate to say it but jealousy is a normal part of TTC. Everytime someone posts a pregnancy announcement on FB i feel a twinge of jealousy.
One of my friends, who got married after us(I don’t know why, but this fact made me even more jealous) announced her BFP to everyone. I was on the phone crying to my SIL(who is also one of her best friends). I feel especially bad now and guilty because that friend ended up miscarrying this past weekend.
But, like I said, jealousy is a normal feeling during TTC. A baby is the one thing that a woman wants so bad during the TTC proccess, that we often have unnessary jealousy even when we see a woman out in public with a baby bump.
It’s completely normal. FX that you get your BFP soon!
Post # 12
@autumnlynnhill: hah – I love the sticker!
Don’t feel guilty for lying or being jealous – it’s a totally normal, human reaction.
Post # 13
I think this can happen with every life milestone. When I broke up with my first FI, it seemed everyone else was getting married and it was hard for me. After we lost our baby, it seemed everyone else was pregnant and giving birth. It’s just human nature and you certainly don’t need to feel bad about having these feelings – everyone does! Gosh, even when someone loses a ton of weight I feel a little pang of jealousy.
As you asked for suggestions, I’d try focusing on all the positive, awesome things that you have (and maybe that the *annoying* coworker doesn’t have). I’m sure there are tons of things about YOU, your life, and your relationship that people are jealous of too!
Post # 14
I am totally riding in the same bus as you, and I can tell you that many of us that have done everything to get pregnant and havent yet gotten our BFPs, feel the same way. I think what you are doing, lying about being happy for her, is just all you can do. It hurts, but what else can you do right? Going to your car and cry, yup, do that and some more of that…it can help somewhat. Hang in there, sweet lady. (((Hugs))) and for her to say that another child will ruin her life WTFFFFFFFF, then dont efing do anything that can give you a child!!!! *just ranting* xoxo
Post # 15
Thanks everyone. We work in a small office, theres 9 of us total and all women…they all know about our struggle with TTC, the losses that we’ve experienced. I dont expect her not to talk about it at all, its just frustrating. She went to the doctor today and came back saying shes ONE WEEK pregnant and talked about nothing but that all.freaking.day. Im beginning to think shes just crazy. lol
As far as distancing myself, our office is small and her desk is beside mine so I hear it all day whether she talking on the phone, to customers or on the phone.
I really havent spoken to her much the past two days and she knows something is bothering me, Im just not at the point that I can talk to her about how it bothers me the way she talks. Im going out for gallbladder surgery next week and when I return I hope to talk to her about it.
I will definitely hop over to the TTC threads!
Post # 16
@MrsR4ever: Thank you 🙂 WTF was my reaction too. Theres more to her story that makes it bother me even more but due to keeping her privacy in case someone knows them…I’ll keep it to myself. Its not my life so I shouldnt concern myself with it…its just another one of those situations where I wonder “why her and not me?!” but anyway….I’ll shut up. lol