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I was the first out of my friends and family (I'm the oldest out of this generation of cousins), so I didn't feel any wedding related jelousy towards anyone. I have to say, though, that my YOUNGER sister is pregnant with her second child and that puts me at a 3 or 4 because I wanted to be the first to give my grandma a great-grandchild :( She has 2 boys, so maybe I'll give her a girl (except I don't want a girl, lol).
I can totally relate with this! My FI and I had been together for quite a while before he proposed. Before we got engaged there were quite a few of our friends that had been dating for much less time than we had that got engaged and I was extremely jealous of this. I almost felt like we had "put in our time" and they were jumping the gun. Funny how the engagement thing can make us all a little crazy!
I was very bitter when people who started dating after us got engaged before us. I have to admit that I was even jealous of a good friend of mine who got engaged about 6 months after meeting her now husband. I wasn't really jealous of people who were even a tiny bit older than me, or dating for around the same time (or longer).
I can't relate either, as my husband proposed after dating 6 mos. But Penguin, I think your rating system is dead on. I would be the same way, if I was faced with that situation.
I can relate! DH and I were together for 7.5 years when we got married!!! You can't even imagine how many "Category 4" weddings we attended during that time!
I'm the first of my friends to get engaged. But I do get jealous when I hear about someone I know who got engaged after me but is getting married before me.
And I got jealous of FI's friends who got married before us and they've been together significantly less than we have. That was probably a 3 on your rating scale.
I am not engaged yet, so I'm kind of at that point. So many people around me are getting engaged, it is to the point where I am glad I'm not quite ready yet (within the next year I think, we are only 21/22). I sorta judge them more than get jealous. I just get annoyed. Here would be my scale:
0- Not annoyed. His friends who I really don't know well, so I know nothing about their relationship mostly.
1- Slightly annoyed. They have been together less time than we have (3 years in January)
2- Annoyed. They don't have their sh*t together (finances, jobs, life in general)
**also I have to add, if I was happy for them but then they went a little bit overboard about the engagement and it made them seem like a different person, that would go here too**
3- Pretty annoyed. They aren't a good couple (bring out the worst in each other)
4- Really annoyed. They have been together for less than a year.
I'm the first to get married out of my best friends. I don't feel jealous of people getting engaged, rather it makes me upset if they get engaged after us (last December) and did/will marry before us! Mainly because if it was possible we would have a short engagement, we totally would have done it! So far we've had 3 of our close friends get engaged/married before us!
Um... I haven't really been jealous of other people getting engaged or married... but I have been a little jealous of their weddings! I have some well-to-do aunts and uncles who just bankrolled their kids' weddings and I am envious of how easy it was for them. I definitely do NOT want my parents to go into debt for my wedding (or myself)... but its hard not to play the "wouldn't it be nice if" game.
Oh wait!! I totally lied haha. I was jealous once. I had been waiting for a proposal since about May of this year. The path looked clear that I would get engaged soon and we could get married in Fall 2010. Then in June, out of NOWHERE my brother proposed to his girlfriend (of 6 months who no one likes), shocking us all. And he set his date for August 2010.
I wasn't jealous that he was getting married before me (he is 8 years older... he couldve gotten married forever ago), but I was jealous that he did it RIGHT before me and kind of stole my thunder there. But, such is life.
@CorgiTales: Good point about getting jealous over weddings! We just had one on Saturday in our family and it made my whole day when several people said it was a nice wedding, but ours was at the top of their list for most favorite EVER! Hopefully we'll never attend one that makes us jealous, lol ;)
@lillindy- that is so nice to hear I am sure! I really hope we can throw a nice fun wedding that people enjoy.
my brother and sister had very short courtships - my brother married his wife after 15 months of meeting her, and my sister married her husband after 16 months. I started dating my FI before my sister, and she's now celebrating her 2 year wedding anniversary.
I don't know that i was necessarily jealous but I think they felt they were more serious about getting married then I was - and that bugged me. Its been 4 years since we started dating and we'll be getting married in six months, but our priorities were a bit different - we wanted to buy a house, get out of debt and get established before we got married. My siblings didn't do that. I wouldnt do it any other way, but I don't like that they viewed our relationship as "not serious" because we had different priorities
I was REALLY embarassed at weddings cause I'd cry a lot at the ceremonies and during the speeches before I was engaged, and I thought it was due to the fact that I was jealous... but I still cry at them (both ceremonies and speeches) so I feel a little better about it now that maybe I was just crying because I was touched :)
@CorgiTales: I'm sure you will! I think part of the reason people didn't love with wedding as much was because everyone was cramped in a small space, and more importantly, we were part of the grooms family and our tables were in a far, dark corner of the room where we couldn't see anything that was happening. Everyone got to pick their own seats, but somehow by the time we got there everything was full. And to top it off, the tables only seated 7, what a random number!
I didn't have too many opportunities to be jealous since most of his married friends were married already when I met him, and we didn't have any friend engagements. But I definitely reacted when my step-sister got engaged after six months. I was happy for her for sure, but I definitely had a moment where I was wondering why FI wasn't stepping it up a little more ;).
I didn't really get jealous at all...granted, we're both pretty young so I knew that we would have to wait longer than our older friends.
I think that if we had been a few years older and out of college I would have been wildly jealous of all of my friends getting engaged!!
I dont know if I would call it jealousy as I tend it turn all that emotion aganist my fiancee. Seems more like anger. Healthy, right? :(
His sister got engaged and married before us, and met her hubby after we met. And I lost it for a few days! But then I realized we had diferent priorities and wanted to live our lives differently than them, and for that, we had to have a later wedding. It still took a couple of days. But I even admitted to myself, that I wouldnt even had said yes if he had asked at that time!! Emotions!! Arent they streange?? With a life of their own.. :)
@Lillindy - oh the joys of comparative weddings. We're all so sick, aren't we? :-)
I'm not gonna lie -- I had a really hard time when a friend from school got engaged before we did and had been dating her FI less time. I knew the boy was saving up for a ring but at that time it was like ohmygodwhatareyouwaitingfor??!?!??!?!?! I'm not real proud of my behavior but oh well. My only REAL regret is that I wish I'd found weddingbee sooner because I could have vented my frustrations to a community of supporters, instead of my mom, my single BFF, or --aaak!-- the boy.
We had bit of a rival. His cousin and her bf started dating 2 DAYS after we did. It was August when we started dating and LAbor day weekend rolled around and I went to go meet his family down the beach for the first time. Well his cousin also brought her bf to meet the family. We bought our first apartment, they went and bought a house one week later. He proposed on their 1yr anniversary, I got nothing. I didnt even go to the wedding, I was so jealous and angry lol.Then we bought a house and they got pregnant. Its always been a competition. They are now married with 2 babies. We still arent married and have no babies. We have completely different lives and yet we started dating at the same exact time.
I wouldnt change anything though. Seems like they never really got to enjoy their relationship as a couple. They dated for 1 yr, got married, had a baby, had another baby. I am selfish with my FH, I want to spend all the time I can with him before babies and everything else comes along.
I am slightly jealous that she has a family and I dont, but I am grateful for my relationship with my FH.
Oh wow, I feel like I'm on a different boat over here. I don't think I've ever been jealous and that's saying a lot because all the weddings we've been to are of couples who started dating after us. Part of me thinks it's because I wasn't ready to get married yet-I was in school and really wanted a career before settling down.
@Corgi: I'm with you. I think most of my jealousy results in those who have their weddings all bankrolled by family. FI and I are paying for the whole shebang and sometimes I too like the play the 'what if' game and imagine how much easier life would be.
Not necessarily jealousy, but i was kind of bitter about the fact that some people flaunted their new/wonderfu/fabulous relationships in front of my face a little intensely while my husband was deployed. It made me feel worse....not only did i not have a ring on my finger, but he wasn't even around. So yeah maybe a lot jealous...of a lot of things. Insensitivity definitely.
I remember once, i invited a friend and her SO over for dinner and when I turned my back, they were on the couch, and when I turned to face them, they were making out on MY COUCH in MY HOUSE. i was like, "really?" It was supposed to be girls' night and he just tagged along I guess. Talk about REALLY kicking me when I was down, eH?
Wow, yes! I had a jealousy scheme, but it only had two levels.
1. Slightly annoyed - the couple had been toegether longer than we had.
2. Ridiculously annoyed - the couple had been together for a shorter time period than we had.
I wanted it so badly, I could taste it. The jealousy didn't always result in anger, a lot of times I was just really sad that I could live the wedding planning with them!
Once we were engaged, it didn't bother me as much when people got married before us. I would always feel a little twinge of "I can't wait for our turn," but it was more excitement than jealousy. That said, I did tend to get jealous when people I knew that had been dating a lot shorter of a time than us got engaged/married BEFORE the Dude proposed. There were times when I just felt like he was moving SO SLOWLY that we were never gonna get there. What's funny now is that I can't really remember any specific instances of jealousy, just a general feeling of impatience.
@lamb, I'm LOL about being sad about not being able to be a part of the planning.... I feel that way now that I'm married and my wedding is over! :)
Mr. Duff and I were together a long time (8 years) before were were engaged, in that time I had 3 really close friends meet their significant others and then get married (I had 2 children in that time span). We also saw about 10 other couples who had been together a shorter amount of time get married.
I was never really jealous per se, but there were a couple of times when I wondered, "is there something wrong with me or with us?"
I definitely felt a little jealous when people who were dating for less time than we were got engaged or married, and with 7 years of us being together at that point, I was basically jealous of every couple we knew who were engaged or married! I didn't understand why I was feeling jealous though because I didn't feel ready to be engaged! Not that I didn't want to marry Mr. M, I just felt that we were only 24 and didn't need to get married yet. So why the jealousy? I still don't know why I felt that way!
Oh, I was more than a little jealous, although I will say I didn't expect to be!
When one of FH's friends got engaged, even though they'd been dating longer than us (but the girl was a year younger), I was so ticked I refused to go to their engagement celebration that night! Talk about a spoiled crazy brat...
Oh well, live and learn, I suppose...
i'm still not engaged after 5.5 years (i know it's coming soon, like really soon) and i've been upset, annoyed, and just plain poed over the last year and a half whenever i hear about people i know getting engaged. i agree that the degree of annoyed-ness depends on the circumstances of the engagement or wedding. when my best college friend got engaged last month out of the blue after only being with her boyfriend for 3 years, i cried, especially since she was the one who set my boyfriend and i up. i got pissed when i heard of people who had been with their boyfriends for a year getting married. i got really irked when someone i knew who's boyfriend is 3 years YOUNGER than her and they've only been dating for 3 years got engaged this summer. i realize that my time will come, but all those thoughts of why her and not me run through your head and the longer my boyfriend waits the more depressed i feel about it.
This is so great! OK, mine's a little different but here goes. I was jealous of people who were ALREADY married. I don't/didn't know anyone who was engaged or getting married, I was just pissed off that all around me, people were married and I wasn't! I HATED jewelry commercials, passing jewelry stores in the mall, hearing people complain about their crappy (married) lives, etc. Literally EVERYTHING about other people's married lives upset me lol. Imagine what an emotional wreck THAT will make you. FINALLY, I got what I wanted, but not without letting him know. He is definately not one to jump into things, but he knew that I was serious and even though we hadn't even been together 2 years when he proposed, he knew I was more than ready. I knew that he loved me, but because of a previous marriage that ended badly for him, he was slightly gun-shy. Which I did understand, but still did not change my viewpoint and desires. Bottom line, it's ok to be jealous/emotional/slightly crazy because of other people's marital status lol.
I can relate some. FH and I got engaged August of 2008 and decided to have long engagement so we could save money and really do some planning. So many of my friends and just people I know have gotten engaged after us and gotten married already it is crazy. It makes me so jealous because I've been engaged longer then them and I'm still sitting around waiting for my wedding next May.
I feel you! We have been together for almost 5 years, and he has not proposed yet. I know he will soon (he has the ring) and we already set a tentative date. By the time we get married we will have been together almost 7 years!! My friends tell me I shouldn't be jealous of other couples - we are only in our early 20s - but when I see people who have only been together for a year or less I am definately jealous. Not that I am not happy for them, but there is that little voice saying "they knew so early in their relationship, what is HE waiting for?!"
Sigh. I've had 4 friends get engaged in the last month and I'm not going to lie, I've been a little bit grumpier toward my boyfriend since then. I'm still SUPER excited for them, because I'm so glad they're happy and I get to help plan for 2 of them and they're some of the most AMAZING girls I know, but I can't help but be a little bit jealous, especially when one of them has only been dating the guy for 5 months and they're getting MARRIED December 5th. Of this year.
I think the reason it makes me jealous is because it makes me feel like their boyfriends were more "sure" than mine is. I know that's not true at ALL, and that the reasons mine is waiting are valid but it still hurts, and it still makes me really upset. He's saving for a ring, which is part of the delay, but the fact that he's a minister means that he has to take this process slower than most. Add that on top of the fact that he's a SUPER cautious person and you can see what I'm getting at. It's making me really grumpy and while I don't bring it up, I've definintely been acting differently towards him the last few days (since my friend asked him to do the ceremony).
I know this feeling, but I would describe it as ANGER. It angered me when my fiance's brother got engaged after 2 yrs. with his girlfriend - and here I had been with him for 4.5 (come to find out my fiance was going to propose nearly the same week, but then had to put it on hold because of their announcement - he was a bit pissed himself) - but he didn't tell me he was angry about their engagement until after we were engaged, because he saw just how pissed I was. I was kinda pissed at him too. I had this feeling of: "I have put in my time with you, if ya wanna keep me great - put a ring on it already" but the worst was the bragging by what is now to be my future sil. ISH! Brags on facebook constantly. Now they are married and it hasn't slowed down - if anything her bragging has sped up. Now it's all the new gifts and pictures of the pre-wedding, grooms dinner, the wedding, the reception, the honeymoon, next it will be the pregnancy and the children .... bet she won't brag if they divorce?
I haven't really been jealous of any friends getting engaged or married... Oddly enough, I was pissed when my ex-boyfriend got married. It pissed me off because he'd treated me like I was less than scum for over 2 years, then he knocks up a girl the month after I get engaged & decides to marry her. He even told me that he was only marrying her because she was pregnant. So yeah.. definitely not jealous of the circumstances.. I actually wasn't jealous at all. I was angry.. because after ALL he put me through, it just felt unfair that he got to get married before me.
Oh boy, can I relate to this one! Bad enough that my religious-no-sex-before-marriage best friend from high school has already celebrated her 1st wedding anniversary, despite not even meeting her husband until after my BF and I were dating almost a year, but I was also the MOH. During the reception, I could feel everyone's piercing eyes on my left hand....whyaren'ttheyengaged?!!?
Then, a little over a month ago, my BF's childhood best friend proposed to his gf of 3 years (we've been together for almost 4.5) and she put the rock (and updates on every last detail of their planning) all over facebook in her typical self-promoting fashion. They already have a date, a venue booked (she's Daddy's girl so it's all paid for), and a wedding website. I can't say I'm proud of my reaction, which was a bit childish--an emo Facebook status that apparently tipped her off as well as the MOG to my true feelings & a text exchange that went something like, "well, i'm still waiting, but happy for y'all!" *feel the seething anger* I guess there's always been this implicit competition between us, which doesn't help my self-esteem cuz she's a rich, skinny, spoiled glamazon and I'm a PhD student struggling to make ends meet / emotional eater who could stand to lose a few pounds. I took their engagement really hard, couldn't get out of bed for a few days, cried more than I probably ever have in my life.
Of course, the worst part about all of this is that every time I react to someone else's happy news in such a dramatic way, I know it hurts my BF and probably causes him to second-guess our future. How can I stop this?! (besides finally getting a ring, lol)
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I really wanted to get married for about a year or so before Mr. Peng proposed. I found that I had a really hard time with certain people getting engaged and married. Oddly enough, it wasn't just a general jealousy, it was targeted depending on the "parameters" of the relationship, and here they were, levels 0 (no jealousy) to 4 (raging, seething jealousy)
0 - any of my girlfriends, any friends that were together longer than we were together (both his and mine)
1 - his friends that had girlfriends that I'd never met
2 - people we knew that got married but we weren't invited to their weddings
3 - his friends that were marrying girlfriends they met in college, but got together after us
4 - his friends that were marrying girfriends who they met after college
I think it's funny that I genuinely felt no animosity towards any of my own friends, only HIS friends. It's definitely because it signaled that HIS friends were ready to make the commitment to their girlfriends, while Mr. Peng wasn't ready to make one. I really didn't care what my friends did, and I was always super excited for my girlfriends getting married!
If you were jealous (seethingly or mildly so) of other people getting engaged before you, did you have some sort of scale like I did? Or did you generally feel the same amount of longing/jealousy towards anyone you knew getting married?