Post # 1
I’ve noticed that oftentimes when a bride expresses some manner of frustration with someone else’s behavior, usually one of the very FIRST explanations offered (oftentimes by the poster herself) is that the person behaving badly is likely “jealous” about one thing or another. In my own experience, I’ve also noticed people jumping straight to jealousy/hating as a catch-all motive for improper motives of others. My question: why is that?
Post # 3
@Overjoyed: I think it’s wishful thinking. People generally like to be envied.
Post # 4
I have noticed the same and I dont always agree that it actually is straight up jealousy
I think we often see the worst in people and not the best. Its easier to assume they meant harm as opposed to just not thinking about the impact of their words. Especially around a wedding when the bride tends to be much more emotional.
Its also an easy go to when someone doesnt have the reaction we want them to have/expect them to have.
Its hard to reverse the situation and see what we ourselves have done to provoke the reaction. We tend to assume we are the innocents and the others are the problems.
I like thi think of every situation having three sides. Yours, mine and the truth. Rarely do we get down to the truth and its easier to side with the person typing because that is the only information you are given.
Post # 5
@NeverMoreLenore: +1. most people LOVE being envied.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
I think there are a lot of girls jealous when their friends get engaged, plan a wedding, etc. Think about it, a WHOLE day completely focused on one person! Jelly!!!
Post # 7
@Overjoyed: It’s WAY easier to say “They’re just jealous of you” than it is to say “Girl, you and your expectations are more cray cray than the future Kimye baby”
Post # 8
@NeverMoreLenore: best explaination. i can’t stand teading that the first assumption is 95% of the time jealousy. Come off it.
Post # 9
Sometimes it is jealously, but a lot of times it isn’t. I think it just makes the bride feel better to think people are jealous rather than they might just not like her, have an unrelated issue with her, etc.
Post # 10
I think there really are a lot of jealousy issues surrounding engagements and marriages though. I mean sure, some of the time it’s probably the bride being a little crazy, but you can’t deny the amount of people posting how they are jealous that so and so got engaged before them, that they’ve been together longer, they have a bigger budget, etc etc.
Post # 11
@Overjoyed: I agree with @NeverMoreLenore: that in general, people like to be envied so there could be a lot of wishful thinking involved.
However, I do agree with @lealorali: and @Westwood: that sometimes it actually is jealousy. I’ve been lucky so far in that I haven’t been experiencing anything like this from my friends and family, but I have seen it in the past. When one of my best friends got engaged a few years ago, one of our mutual friends (who is no longer friends with either of us) had a complete meltdown when we were hanging out one weekend saying things like, “I’m so sick of hearing about your engagement and how perfect everything is for you! It should have been me getting married this year!” (She had broken off her engagement a few months prior.) It was ugly.
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
I don’t know so much about weddings… but you get this a lot in art circles. Any attempt at criticism is so often met with a “oh let’s see you do better, obviously you’re just jealous”. It is the single most annoying thing ever XD
People can be incredibly self absorbed and it’s nicer to believe that someone is just jealous of you rather than accept they might have a point.
Post # 13
I was just wondering. It can be a little annoying to read. Especially when no other details in the story seem to point toward jealousy. For example (disclaimer–the following is fictional. Any similarity to actual events is purely coincidental):
OMG, I asked all my bridesmaids to join me for a cake tasting. But one of them simply couldn’t make it. She claims she had to work. I mean…she only has ONE child. And her husband works. It’s not like she’s a single mom with a ton of kids. Ugh. She couldn’t take off ONE day to be a good supportive friend? What should I do, bees? Should I fire her as a bridesmaid? Or is she just jealous?
Whenever I read that last line, I’m like “err?” She’s jealous because she didn’t take of work to taste cake with you? Ok. But I don’t want to always be the one calling someone on their shenanigans, so I leave the thread for awhile only to come back and read:
Girl, yes! She’s obviously a jealous cow. Put her out of the wedding and replace her with someone who truly cares about you. Some people can be sooo jealous!
I…just don’t get it.
Post # 14
I also think “jealous” isn’t always the explanation…
I’m sure most of you have been bridesmaids/MOHs in weddings before you were engaged or even when you were single… I know I have, and as much as you want to “be there” for your friend, as a single lady some times it’s just difficult to really “get” all the emotions of a bride (even if you don’t think she’s being unreasonable) when you haven’t been there yourself.
I know for me it was REALLY difficult to do everything “right” as a MOH when I was totally single and years away from thinking about marriage, not because i was jealous, just because I really kind of didn’t get it yet. NO BAD INTENTIONS, you know?
Post # 15
People most definitely like to be envied! My MOH has has a rough time with the thought that she may be losing me a bit, we have always done everything together and now I am off on this wonderful adventure of planning a wedding and some of the emotions and stress that go hand in hand with the process she simply cant understand (although someday she will). All my other friends are oh so quick to say she is simple jealous, but I KNOW this is not the case. People need to be less self involved and look at the big picture of the situation. I think it is really important to think about all the emotions that those close to you go through when you decide to make a life with your FI, while jealousy may indeed be among them there are so many more that often get misdiagnosed.
Post # 16
Maybe you all are just jealous of all the people here who are able to call it like they see it???
LOL jk… I actually haven’t noticed this?? Maybe I’m an offender myself and I haven’t seen it because I’m a guilty party lol