Weddingbee boards

I try my hardest not to get jealous, I really do. I know it is really, really bad karma to do so, and I know my time will come, and etc., etc., etc. but still, sometimes I just get this really awful, jealous feeling when I find out someone I know got engaged. Ironically, none of my close friends have gotten engaged - but some work friends and some girls I went to school with got engaged recently and posted details ALL over Facebook (I'm talking posting a "Note" with pictures and a "FAQ" (no lie) about how the guy proposed, the ring details, etc..... gag me.

Out of my best friends, most are in the same boat as me - two friends have been w/there boyfriend for five years and no rings; another, living with her bf for 3 or 4 yrs and nothing. Another 3-4 girlfriends are single. It's not like I'm the "last one" not engaged. I'm 27 though and have been w/my boyfriend over 2.5 yrs... a lot of my great girlfriends in long-term relationships will probably get married one day to their boyfriends but the boy is in noooo rush. So, when I hear about these acquantainces who get engaged, after what I know are relatively brief relationships, or the girls are younger than me, I just DON"T understand. What do they have, that I (or my wonderful friends, for that matter), don't? Why do some guys propose after 6 months or a year and others, who all seem to be in very happy relationships, wait forever, while I know the girl would be thrilled to get engaged?

An example: My boyfriend's co-worker recently got engaged after dating her boyfriend less than a year. He was telling me how happy she was and sounded genuinely thrilled for her. I almost lost it! I was so mad - I couldn't control it. I didn't undertand how he could sound so THRILLED for someone doing something that he doesn't feel ready for right now? I sarcastically said to him "poor guy who proposed, his life is over, huh?" He didn't think that was funny. Or, me pointing out how ridiculous this other gril I know posting this elaborate note about her engagement, and he was like, just let her be....I was like, WTF? How can you say that?

I know I am being irrational :( I know it's wrong and don't need to be told twice, but I can't control these feelings. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I feel ya sister. It's so frustrating when some girls I know got engaged after dating their BFs for 6 months and I've been with my BF for 6 years. Now we are young but so are they! Or another one for example, a girl that BF and I know from college always slept around, never had a serious relationship and started dating this guy. She blew off the "relationship" part and he took it completely seriously. They are now engaged after less than a year and before he popped the question she said "i think he might propose to me, I don't think I can marry him"...well guess who is getting married...

I just try and focus on my relationship with BF, I know we are getting married soon and try to remember that when it happens for me it will be perfect and no one will be able to ruin it. 

Thanks for the replies. Good to know I'm not alone!

@futuremrscrawford... I said the thing about the engaged couple's "life being over" sarcastically to my boyfriend, because that's the way he acts about how he thinks married life is sometimes, and it irked me he was being so excited when he seems to think it's not that great if it's us. We've had long conversations about how I would like to get married....and he doesn't right now. I've decided to drop the topic because it never gets us anywhere but in a fight.

Thanks for all the amazing advice you guys. I know it is hard to judge other people's relationships especially when I don't know them. I think it does all come back to my insecurity that there is "something wrong with me" that my BF is not ready to marry me yet and so many other people I know ARE. I went to high school in a small, rural town - now I would say 90% of my graduating class is married and/or has kids. That per say doesn't bother me, because I have lived an extremely full and rich life. I've gone to schools abroad. Traveled to close to twenty countries. Held current jobs and am currently holding the best job I've ever had in my life. I feel completely financially stable. I've had some great and not so great relationships, dated around a lot, etc, enough to know I'm with a really wonderful person. In other words, *I'M* so reasy to get married. Not just because I want a wedding, but I love my boyfriend and know he is the one and feel like I am at the ideal point in my life where I have lived so deeply to this point but I am ready for new experiences - creating a life together wtih my partner and thinking about starting a family. For me, there couldn't be a better time, since I'm stable career and money wise and also feel I have no regrets that I have missed out on anything in my life. It's hard to be ready when your "soul mate" isn't. He has a great job - interviewing for a promotion as we speak - financially stable, etc. I feel like now is a good time for him too....that's why it's like...is it me? But I know deep down it isn't or we wouldn't even be together now. It's just so confusing.

@Georgia Bee: I hear you girl, I am 41 and a first time bride too. Waiting was worth it. I have an awesome life. It didn't happen for real until I was totally okay with being alone. I told myself it was better to be alone and totally happy with my life than married and feeling trapped. And it takes time learning how to be happy alone. Not to say that I didn't wonder sometimes why I hadn't found the right guy but I knew if it was actually right we would both know it and no one would be questioning anything. We were together for three years before he proposed. I have no doubt I would have made a huge mistake if I had married any of the long term relationships that I had over the years. I guess my point is don't rush it you have one chance to be a pre-married woman (if you do it right) so enjoy yourself if you can.

It really isn't an issue for me, like it really doesn't bother me at all. It doesn't affect my relationship, if anything it gives me an opportunity to bring up the idea of engagement, I can just be like so and so got engaged. Keep the idea at the forefront of his mind, ;). I had two friends (really old acquaintance) get engaged in the past week, and it actually makes me happy cause then I'm like oh they can have their turn now, I'll go later. 

I have been engaged for 4 yrs. I have sat back and watched ALL of my friends get married, even my babay daddy got married before me. I refused to be in my sisters wedding because I was jealous.

I can sort of relate. I don't get jealous of the couple, but they just remind me of how sad I am that my SO hasn't proposed yet. I don't think i feel jealously as much as wishing we were the couple in question. I actually am happy for them. however, in the case of my SO's bro and now wife - I will admit I was a wee bit jealous only because it hit too close to home. Basically i felt sad that my SO's bro went all out and i'm sat here waiting and having been with my SO for 3 years longer then his bro and wife. However, if my sister got engaged, I know for a fact I would not be jealous.

I am there all the time. Got a wedding this weekend.... happy for them but Im hoping the BF gets some ideas....

I cope by saying that all of the girls who are already married will never have their special day again--it's over and done, while we still get to be excited for the proposal, excited for the planning, and really excited for our big day.  I mean, I hope all the married women had an amazing time doing all of that, but I'm jealous and want that, too, so by knowing that my time will come and theirs cannot happen again (hopefully as long as the marriage is strong) then it makes me feel a little better, in a sort of mean way.  Sorry if that is wrong but it helps!

and it makes me feel better that I know everything about my BF. After 4.5 years you just kind of do.  A few bees made the point that if you get married after 1 year you still have a lot you dont know about each other which will be revaled in the marriage.  Well, BF and I have gone thru a lot together, know how we react to things, and know that no matter what we say or do we will always love each other and are meant to be.  You dont always get that with a quick engagement.

Ahh. I hate that feeling. Especially when couples who haven't even been together as long as you have, or just as long as you have get engaged, and you're like UGHH when will it be my turn!? Then the same couples get MARRIED, and you're like, ugh when will it be MY turn? Then all the couples that have been dating half as long as you have get engaged/married. Then you're like "ARE YOU SERIOUS"???

I'm currently annoyed because there are 3 couples that we are friends with that started dating around the time we did. The first one started dating less than a month before we did. They have a baby now and are engaged, they were supposed to get married this summer but they break up every week or two because they fight constantly. The second couple started dating right after we did, and they got engaged like a year ago and married this summer. The other couple got together a month after we did, got engaged this March, and then married in July.

Here I am, not even engaged. I know he has the ring, but I keep seeing couples get engaged before me that haven't been together very long, and I watch all the couples get married that haven't been together as long as we have, and I LITERALLY WANT TO STRANGLE MYSELF.

AHHH. Jealousy :( Have any of you ever cried over it before?

@futuremrsmartin11: I haven't cried over jealously, but i have cried on multiple occasions about waiting. it makes me so sad.

@d-girl: Yeah I haven't really cried over being "jealous" really. I just cry because I wish that we could have had everything happen for us as quicikly. I'm a very impatient person, and very sensitive and pessimistic at times when things seem to be going the wrong way:(

@futuremrsmartin11: I feel the exact same way - my impatience gets the better of me and I break down into tears. In all honesty, I don't think it will get any better for me until my SO proposes.

I won't even lie. I get jealous pretty well any time I hear of someone else getting engaged now. Well, maybe not so much jealous, as sad. Disappointed. I'm happy for them, obviously. But sad that my SO for whatever reason, isn't there yet. I can relate to d-girl, in that there have been quite a few times actually that I've broken down in tears just due to the frustration of waiting.

It kills me, I've sent my guy the link to a ring I love, he's looked at it once... when he opened it. That's it. Though I understand everyone who isn't engaged yet is frustrated with waiting, I would honestly LOVE to be in some of your shoes, in knowing your guy already has your ring. I can completely understand how that would be frustrating as well, don't get me wrong. Not knowing why he doesn't just do it already since he has it. Trust me, I can see how aggravating that would be. It's like you're so close yet so far. I totally understand.

However, the fact that he's already taken that step in buying the ring you will wear forever, the fact that he's started to plan out making that commitment to you? That's amazing. I hope all of you in that situation can just take a moment, and be excited about that fact. Daydream about how you think he'll propose with that ring he has already gotten for you. It could really be any day now! Also, look back on the progress you've made in your relationship and smile. :)

I've had so many comments from people lately, I'm seriously ready to snap. My poor SO is going through a lot right now, so I don't want to take it out on him, nor do I want to bring it up. But it's so hard. I wish he would just do it already. Every day that passes just breaks my heart a little more, wondering how much longer it will be before he's ready. I really don't know if I could wait 2-3 more years, which is what he was thinking. I don't know what to do. I know I'm just in one of the harder stages of the Waiting Cycle right now, but still. It sucks.

@authentic: I hear you about how every dall takes its toll and breaks your heart a little more. I feel that way exactly, so that's why I don't think it would get any better the more i have to wait, even though I would be getting used to the process. I don't want to get used to the waiting phase!

Back to the issue of jealousy. I am so glad I don't have to go to another wedding this year, I would seriously have to decline the invitation. I don't think I know anyone else that is in the engagement 'mode' so I don't have to worry about that for a bit at least. I was at a wedding this weekend actually and I was just miserable. no one would know, but I was sad after the ceremony and during dinner, once again, wishing it was my turn.

I'm more jealous of the fact that these ladies can get engaged. While I'm neck high in school debts I can't imagine my BF being able to afford a diamond ring (and I don't know how I'm supposed to tell him I'd rather have a white sapphire anyways) I'm 25 and soon-to-be 26. My peers have mom and dad paying for their weddings while I've been on my own since 18. My savings account has no more than $10.00 at any time.

A lot of my classmates from high school and such are engaged/married/having babies now. I am slightly jealous, but I remind myself that I sacrificed that to go to school. I'm just frustrated more than ever though because teaching is in low demand (at least for the new ones and it's near-impossible to get tenure, full-time, etc.) so how am I supposed to assume that my BF will ever make enough money to propose?

It's a huge bummer knowing I'm like 5 years behind my peers when it comes to life.

I know how you feel. I work for a small company. Two people have gotten married in the last year and one will get married this month. All the others are older and already married. This sucks! Last little ugly duckling who isn't married or even engaged.

Everyone knows my boyfriend and I have been together a while. They also met him at the Christmas party and other weddings. They ask "what's going on" "what is he waiting for" "when are y'all getting married". It's annoying...Unbeknownst to them I'm wondering the same thing.