Post # 1
so we were at a new years party and i walked outside for a minute. i just wanted to think. a few minutes later, a guy friend of mine was walking outside too and came and started talking to me. so we were talking (yes, just talking) and DH comes outside, finds us talking, and gets PISSED. he yelled at both of us and stormed off. my friend went home after that, i think DH scared him. :(. anyway, DH dissapers and i try calling him for the next 6 hours or so, calling texting him, hoping he’d calm down and come talk to me, but he ignored me. i didn’t even know if he was safe or not! when i got home i found him asleep on the couch, apperently he walked the EIGHT miles back home! we were only talking, we wouldn’t do anything, i would never do anything to hurt DH. now granted, my friend was sitting a little close to me, but i hadn’t really realized that at the time. but still he should have at least listened to me and trust me a little more than that! he didn’t even let me know that he was safe, so i was worried all night, and he ruined my new years! i tried to talk to DH the next day and said “what if something had happened to you? what if you got hurt?” he just told me “i wouldn’t have even cared if i did die, and i doubt you would too” he’s constally saying things like that and i HATE it! (not even to mention his habit of throwing things across the room when he gets angry) arrrg, i just…i don’t know how to deal with this! what do i do?
Post # 3
Wow does he happen to have problems with depression? The comment about not caring about if he dies and you wouldn’t either are worrisome. Anyway, I think you two need to have a talk, he completely overreacted but if you talk to him maybe he has a reason for that from his past.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant
That sounds pretty extreme. It sounds like he may be holding onto something. It worries me to hear that he throws things when he’s upset and talks about death. Is this new behavior or pretty common?
Post # 5
it’s only happened since we’ve been married. (the throwing things and the anger and such) i have never, ever cheated on him, and it really worries me that he can’t trust me.
Post # 6
You aren’t wrong to be worried. The throwing things, the unreasonable and baseless jealousy, and the “i wouldn’t have even cared if i did die, and i doubt you would too,” are all classic signs of abusive behavior. He’s trying to manipulate and control you, and that is NOT RIGHT.
Especially the unreasonable overreaction to the fact that you were TALKING to a FRIEND. That is a normal thing to do. People talk to people at parties. Jesus.
If he won’t see a counselor with you, please consider going on your own. This is not normal or healthy behavior on his part.
Here is a number you can call, just to talk about what’s been going on:
Post # 7
This sounds like a pretty major problem. He needs to work our these trust issues with you. Has he been cheated on before?
Also, throwing things around the room and saying you probably wouldn’t care if he died are big red flags to me. I think maybe you should consider counselling.
Post # 8
It seems like there may be some underlying jealousy issues. This isn’t something people normally develope overnight. My SO has a temper issue sometimes to and we have had COUNTLESS talks about it. He cannot be walking away from you like that and he should not be walking home 8 miles. It is about the two of you now and he can’t throw a temper tantrum and endanger himself recklessly that way.
Ask him to explain why he flew off the handle that way and why he didn’t trust you. Figure out what caused him to lose it and ask him to rectify the situation. Throwing things is also not healthy or normal and if I were you I would be having him quit that NOW! What if something he thew hit you? How would that make you feel?
Post # 9
thank you for the advice and link
I’ve asked him that before…how would he feel if he accidently hit me with something before…he didn’t say anything in response. every time it happens he always promises he will never do it again…and he doesn’t trust me??? i find that quite intresting…he’s the one saying he will stop something when he doesn’t.
Post # 10
@rlsh86: it happening over and over again with him promising it’ll never happen again is a classic pattern of abuse! I would be scared to be with someone who can’t trust me enough to have basic human friendships that don’t threaten anything. Just…wow. I have 100% blind trust in my husband, and he in me, and I can’t envision staying in a relationship where this happened. Mutual respect is the #1 core foundation of a healthy relationship.
Post # 11
His actions are speaking louder than his words, unfortunately.
Sending you huge hugs. You have done nothing wrong. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Good luck finding your path.