Here's a strange situation I would like some input on: I have a bracelet I would maybe like to wear on my wedding day. My only reservation is that it was a Christmas gift from my ex-boyfriend's mother in 2005 or 2006 (can't remember which).
The ex and I are no longer in contact and we broke up in March 2007 after a 1.5 year relationship. I harbor no ill (or really good, really) feelings about him or the relationship. It's sort of a non-entity to me, a relationship that happened for a reason, was fine but not ultimately right for me, and now I'm glad it's over.
Yet I can't help feeling that it's weird or bad karma to be wearing something from an ex on a day when all of your outfit is supposed to have sentimental origins (for instance, I will be wearing my grandma's pearl necklace). Am I overthinking this, or should I leave the bracelet for another day? Thank you!
Hi! I think that if you're having these reservations, it's probably best not to wear it. If people ask you about it, would you feel comfortable saying "it's from an ex"? Probably not. It might also hurt your fiance's feelings if he finds out where it's from. I think it's best to just avoid the whole situation by wearing something else that day.
I have a bracelet that was given to me by an ex, and it's been on my wrist every day since then - a couple years ago! It has nothing to do with him, I just like it. My boyfriend now doesn't mind, and nobody else knows, so it doesn't matter. It depends on how YOU feel about it - and your fiance! I would ask him about it. His is the only opinion that matters at this point - since the bracelet's origin means nothing to you, and nobody else will know where it came from ;)
I agree with BaghdadBride and MrBee above. It's not from your ex. It's from his mother. I personally wouldn't mind wearing something that an ex's mom gave me because it holds a different meaning (as a gift for a guest, out of friendship, or acceptance into a family) than a gift from the ex. I would look at the meaning behind the gift and if it doesn't bother your fiance, wear it. I'm sure it's a beautiful piece of jewelry if you love it enough to wear it everyday!
My fiance doesn't know where the bracelet came from. Actually I have a lot of jewelry from ex-boyfriends (it's been a popular present for me) that I still wear because I like it, not for sentimental reasons. (This one in particular though was from an ex's mom.)
I've never told my FI where any of it came from. I felt like doing so would hurt his feelings and serve no purpose. I don't discuss it for the same reason I don't discuss the intimate details of past relationships---they have no bearing on the present, so why dredge up things that might just be more information that he really wants to know? They're my things now and I like them, even if the relationships behind them didn't work. Am I being remiss in keeping this information from him?
Also, good point about differentiating between a welcoming gift from the family/his mom and a present straight from the ex. That makes me feel better about it...I don't wear the bracelet everyday, though, but fairly often. Hmm.
i think it's very telling that you wear this bracelet all the time but have never told your FI where it came from. it probably means that deep down, even though it was from your ex's mom and not your ex, you know that your FI would be a little uncomfortable with the idea of your ex somehow still being such a constant reminder in your lives.
the way i see it, there are a lot of gorgeous pieces of jewelry out there for brides, and it sounds great that you can incorporate something from your grandmother into your bridal outfit. that being said, is this bracelet really so gorgeous and so wonderful and so bride-appropriate that it must be worn on your wedding day? and furthermore, is it worth wearing it to the point that you will have to lie to your FI ("oh this old thing? it was from an old friend!") or possibly make him uncomfortable ("remember my last bf? well this is from his mom!").
i'm sure you will look gorgeous on the day of, with or without this bracelet. i doubt that wearing it will make or break your outfit (or your budget) so i'd leave it out.
if it were me, i wouldn't wear it on my wedding day. if you like the bracelet and still enjoy wearing it, great. wear it on every other day...but not to your wedding. i'm sensing you have reservations about it anyway. why put yourself through that? it's also awkward because it will show up in wedding pics. even though it holds little sentimental value to you...it's still just there...in every picture. like emileee said, what if your FI ever mentioned it off-hand? then you'd have to tell a white lie or say something that would make one or both of you feel awkward, sad, hurt, etc.
I was 40 when DH and I started dating. I have a several presents from ex-boyfriends that I wear often - jewelry, a gorgeous sheepskin coat - as well as paintings, photographs, and other art that is displayed around my (now our) house. The way I see it, if I was wearing or keeping these things out of some sentimental attachment to the giver, that would be wrong. But it would also be unreasonable for DH to expect me to get rid of every nice thing I have been given by an SO over the last 20 years. In the same way, he owns a lot of things that were accumulated over his first marriage (clothing, furniture, art, a set of really nice pots and pans, two very expensive watches). I have no idea what of these things were given to him by his ex-wife or ex-inlaws, and I don't care. It's all his stuff, and I'm sure that the reasons he likes it and keeps it have everything to do with the stuff and nothing to do with his ex-wife.
IMO, you just have to let these kinds of things go. It's ridiculous to give away or throw away a $1000 watch or a $1500 sheepskin coat just because the giver is no longer in your life. If you feel that the two of you should have a little talk on this subject in general, that's probably a good idea. I absolutely would not go ahead and give him a complete history of every item you own that was ever associated with an ex (and he gave me these earrings, and I bought this blanket and these towels while were were sleeping together, and I cooked him breakfast using these pans...). But in general, both of you should acknowledge that you're not each others' first loves, and that is okay, as long as neither of you is still in love with somebody else.
Here's a strange situation I would like some input on: I have a bracelet I would maybe like to wear on my wedding day. My only reservation is that it was a Christmas gift from my ex-boyfriend's mother in 2005 or 2006 (can't remember which).
The ex and I are no longer in contact and we broke up in March 2007 after a 1.5 year relationship. I harbor no ill (or really good, really) feelings about him or the relationship. It's sort of a non-entity to me, a relationship that happened for a reason, was fine but not ultimately right for me, and now I'm glad it's over.
Yet I can't help feeling that it's weird or bad karma to be wearing something from an ex on a day when all of your outfit is supposed to have sentimental origins (for instance, I will be wearing my grandma's pearl necklace). Am I overthinking this, or should I leave the bracelet for another day? Thank you!
posted by chelseamorning 216 posts 1 month agoHi! I think that if you're having these reservations, it's probably best not to wear it. If people ask you about it, would you feel comfortable saying "it's from an ex"? Probably not. It might also hurt your fiance's feelings if he finds out where it's from. I think it's best to just avoid the whole situation by wearing something else that day.
posted by LNickle 75 posts 1 month agoI have a bracelet that was given to me by an ex, and it's been on my wrist every day since then - a couple years ago! It has nothing to do with him, I just like it. My boyfriend now doesn't mind, and nobody else knows, so it doesn't matter. It depends on how YOU feel about it - and your fiance! I would ask him about it. His is the only opinion that matters at this point - since the bracelet's origin means nothing to you, and nobody else will know where it came from ;)
posted by HeidiInWonderland 1 posts 1 month agoIt's from the ex's mother, not from him. If you really like it, just forget who it's from. If anybody asks, it's from a friend. Period. Good luck!
posted by chocochip 2 posts 1 month agonopes. i would not like to have any memories of an ex on the most important day of my life.
it could hurt your fiance's feelings. i would hate it if my Fi wore anythng given by his ex on OUR DAY!
posted by ginger 50 posts 1 month agoit's from his mom, not from the ex. if you like it, wear it.
posted by BaghdadBride 206 posts 1 month agoI would never anything from an ex. But since it's from your ex's mother, that feels very different to me?
posted by mrbee 135 posts 1 month agoI agree with BaghdadBride and MrBee above. It's not from your ex. It's from his mother. I personally wouldn't mind wearing something that an ex's mom gave me because it holds a different meaning (as a gift for a guest, out of friendship, or acceptance into a family) than a gift from the ex. I would look at the meaning behind the gift and if it doesn't bother your fiance, wear it. I'm sure it's a beautiful piece of jewelry if you love it enough to wear it everyday!
posted by lilmisssha 7 posts 1 month agoMy fiance doesn't know where the bracelet came from. Actually I have a lot of jewelry from ex-boyfriends (it's been a popular present for me) that I still wear because I like it, not for sentimental reasons. (This one in particular though was from an ex's mom.)
I've never told my FI where any of it came from. I felt like doing so would hurt his feelings and serve no purpose. I don't discuss it for the same reason I don't discuss the intimate details of past relationships---they have no bearing on the present, so why dredge up things that might just be more information that he really wants to know? They're my things now and I like them, even if the relationships behind them didn't work. Am I being remiss in keeping this information from him?
Also, good point about differentiating between a welcoming gift from the family/his mom and a present straight from the ex. That makes me feel better about it...I don't wear the bracelet everyday, though, but fairly often. Hmm.
posted by chelseamorning 216 posts 1 month agoi think it's very telling that you wear this bracelet all the time but have never told your FI where it came from. it probably means that deep down, even though it was from your ex's mom and not your ex, you know that your FI would be a little uncomfortable with the idea of your ex somehow still being such a constant reminder in your lives.
the way i see it, there are a lot of gorgeous pieces of jewelry out there for brides, and it sounds great that you can incorporate something from your grandmother into your bridal outfit. that being said, is this bracelet really so gorgeous and so wonderful and so bride-appropriate that it must be worn on your wedding day? and furthermore, is it worth wearing it to the point that you will have to lie to your FI ("oh this old thing? it was from an old friend!") or possibly make him uncomfortable ("remember my last bf? well this is from his mom!").
i'm sure you will look gorgeous on the day of, with or without this bracelet. i doubt that wearing it will make or break your outfit (or your budget) so i'd leave it out.
posted by emileee 123 posts 1 month agoif it were me, i wouldn't wear it on my wedding day. if you like the bracelet and still enjoy wearing it, great. wear it on every other day...but not to your wedding. i'm sensing you have reservations about it anyway. why put yourself through that? it's also awkward because it will show up in wedding pics. even though it holds little sentimental value to you...it's still just there...in every picture. like emileee said, what if your FI ever mentioned it off-hand? then you'd have to tell a white lie or say something that would make one or both of you feel awkward, sad, hurt, etc.
in my opinion, not worth it.
posted by carly7215 67 posts 1 month agoI was 40 when DH and I started dating. I have a several presents from ex-boyfriends that I wear often - jewelry, a gorgeous sheepskin coat - as well as paintings, photographs, and other art that is displayed around my (now our) house. The way I see it, if I was wearing or keeping these things out of some sentimental attachment to the giver, that would be wrong. But it would also be unreasonable for DH to expect me to get rid of every nice thing I have been given by an SO over the last 20 years. In the same way, he owns a lot of things that were accumulated over his first marriage (clothing, furniture, art, a set of really nice pots and pans, two very expensive watches). I have no idea what of these things were given to him by his ex-wife or ex-inlaws, and I don't care. It's all his stuff, and I'm sure that the reasons he likes it and keeps it have everything to do with the stuff and nothing to do with his ex-wife.
IMO, you just have to let these kinds of things go. It's ridiculous to give away or throw away a $1000 watch or a $1500 sheepskin coat just because the giver is no longer in your life. If you feel that the two of you should have a little talk on this subject in general, that's probably a good idea. I absolutely would not go ahead and give him a complete history of every item you own that was ever associated with an ex (and he gave me these earrings, and I bought this blanket and these towels while were were sleeping together, and I cooked him breakfast using these pans...). But in general, both of you should acknowledge that you're not each others' first loves, and that is okay, as long as neither of you is still in love with somebody else.
posted by suzanno 1,978 posts 1 month ago