Jitters

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@aseratea:  This post is so heartbreaking.  You know it’s not right, and you’re already miserable.  I have never had to break off an engagment with a wedding looming closely, but I know I would feel exactly how you’re feeling if I hadn’t decided to break up with the first man that asked me to marry him (I also said yes, for a reason I can’t explain, and it took me a year to break up with him after that).

It doesn’t matter how big your wedding is.  If this is truly how you feel with all of your heart, you need to cancel the wedding.  It’s worth going through the task of letting your many guests know the wedding is off; it’s way less effort than being miserable and struggling for as many years as you can in a marriage you don’t believe in.  Life is short; please find a way to do what is right for you.

The right man for you is the one that makes you feel 1000 feet tall; not the one that ignores or belittles your needs and emotions.

Love and hugs to you.

Post # 4
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

I don’t know any advice to help you, but I wanted you to know I read through it all and wish you the best of luck. I feel like you shouldn’t get married and put yourself into a life that you don’t want, but I understand it’s probably so tough to call everything off.

Also, I believe it doesn’t make anything easier with your FI when there’s someone on the side. Often it’s passionate and fulfilling because they aren’t the person you go home to and have the mundane problems with. At least that’s what I’ve seen most with people, confiding in one person just tears you further from the other. That being sad, it could not be the case here, so.. yeah, no real concrete advice. Just that you can’t change who your FI is, and if who he is isn’t what you want.. I really hope you don’t go through with it. 🙁

I hope things work out for your happiness. <3

 

Post # 5
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

don’t get married. sure, it sounds overwhelming and horrible to cancel now but living in a miserable marriage will be way worse. People call off weddings all the time – it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than a divorce.  People will understand. Unfortuantely, I feel from your post that you’re just goign to go through with it anyway and that’s disheartening because it’s hard to try and help someone that doesn’t want to help themself.  Only you can make your situation better.

Post # 6
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

One of my friends broke off her engagement three weeks before the wedding. They were both unhappy and he had decided in the year before they were married that he was questioning his sexuality. She said it was extremely difficult and complicated (not to mention expensive) to do, but she has never made a better decision in her life.

Leave now. Move on. It will be ok.

Post # 8
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

This is more than jitters. Do not get married!

Post # 9
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@aseratea:  all of that will fade over time. You can’t run from this. You made the decision to get engaged and plan a wedding when you knew it was wrong all along, so now I think you need to do the right thing for both you and your FI and call it off and take responsibility for that.

Post # 11
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Put on your big girl panties and call it off! Clearly you don’t want this wedding or marraige and you’re going through the motions.

Post # 12
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@aseratea:  ultimately, only you can decide and you have to do what you have to do. However, I think it’s kind of a mistake to assume you marrying him then leaving him when he ignores you is you leaving on higher ground. You’ve been cheating on him (which I pass no judgement on you for) but the fact is, the higher ground is kind of out of the picture at this point.  You will be worlds happier if you leave, no matter what anyone else thinks or says about it.

I do wish you the best of luck! 

Post # 14
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Leave. Leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leave.

If you truly feel the way you say you do in this post, you should not be marrying this man. Beyond that, you’re cheating on him, and that’s no way to begin a marriage. Don’t worry about the money, don’t worry about embarassment — worry about your happiness, your future, and your sanity.

Post # 15
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@aseratea:  Good luck to you, honey. That’s all I can say…good luck. <3

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