Post # 1
Hi All, I am hoping to get some input from you on my current situation.
I have been planning to propose this weekend, I just picked up the ring yesterday. However on my way back yesterday she called in tears telling me that she had been layed off. Since getting her first job at 15 she has never been unemployed. She understandably is upset and depressed. Logically she understands that the company was downsizing and she only lost her job because the other women in her department had a lot more experience, however emotionally she feels like it is her fault and she must have done something wrong.
My concern now is that she will no tbe able to relax until she has a new job and is settled in. She gets stressed out about little changes, and this is a situation where even the most laid back would be a bit stressed. I would really want her to be relaxed and be able to enjoy the fact that we got engaged after I propose. However now I worry that she wont be able to relax and celebrate with friends and family because she will be constantly stressed about her employment. On the other hand she repeatedly said how thankful she is that I am there and how she doesn’t know what she would do without my support. My gut is saying to go through with my original plan and propose and that would atleast give her the stability in our relationship and give her some light in this situation.
I know what they typical concerns are as far as not taking a step towards marraige when there are financial uncertainties. However this isn’t really an issue. I make 4 times what she did and on my income alone we are still plenty stable. We live together and I cover everything except her car and phone (she has savings and I could cover these if she needs it). We could easily save for and plan a wedding on just my income. I also don’t think it will be more than a couple of weeks before she has a new job. She interviews extremely well and has great professional references.
I talked this through with my parents and they made a good point that I know her better than anyone and that my gut is probably right. However I keep flipping myself one way then the other. I am hoping you guys can provide input so I can try to see it from her perspective.
Post # 3
Honestly, I would wait. With the job market still shaky, it might be a little longer before she can get a new job. Plus, she will need that extra time working at a job to be able to take leave for the wedding and honeymoon.
Post # 4
I would still propose. If it were me, I would still want you to propose, especially considering you are fine financially, with or without her being employed.If she is uncomfortable with planning a wedding, you can always wait to set a date until she finds another job. Go with your gut, it is usually right.
Post # 5
Timeline wise she is hoping for a late spring wedding in 2015, the area we live and the venues we are considering still have availability for that time frame this year so I don’t think her wanting to wait before starting to plan a wedding would be an issue.
Post # 6
I would definitely go ahead with the proposal, especially if your income is enough for the two of you. Has she applied for unemployment?
Post # 7
I say go for it!! It sounds like you have thought this through, are financially stable and are ready for this next step. Looking for a job is stressful and this may be something to help her get her mind off of that and have something very exciting to look forward to.
Post # 8
Strange, but almost the same thing happened to me about 2 years ago when I got engaged. I got home from work on a Friday and got engaged that evening. The next Thursday at work I got laid off. I was devastated becaue I loves my job. With everyone being so excited for me about my engagement though, there wasn’t enough time to mope around about losing my job! I was definitely upset about the job, but being newly engaged took my mind off of it and only made me look for jobs wven harder since I had a wedding to pay for!
I say definitely go for it and best of luck!
Post # 9
Go for it! I think it would help cheer her up and show you love and support her no matter what!!
Post # 11
@MakingHerWait: I say do it. My fiance lost his job a few months before we were engaged and I actually told him that we were going to roll with it just like if we were married. You’ll have to deal with all kinds of blows like that in life so there isn’t any reason to wait. It might give her some comfort and stabiility knowing that you’re there to help her up.
Post # 12
I think it would be lovely to still go ahead – her job is completely separate to your relationship and I’m sure some positive news would be welcome in a week or two.
Post # 13
I would propose definitely! You can work in a bit into your speech about how you are there to support her and be with her no matter how uncertain other things may seem. My fiance proposed with something similar, as I was about to start a new 1 year degree at uni and we would be very financially tight, but he said in his proposal that he wants to be there for me and support me no matter what, and it meant to much for him to say it at that time.
Post # 14
Yeah definitely propose, it will be a real comfort to her in this stressful time. Marriage is, after all meant to be a safe haven.
Post # 15
@MakingHerWait: I would go with it. I supported my FI through a couple months of unemployment a few months after we moved in together. Then he had gotten a new job while waiting to be let back on….we got engaged….and FI got laid off from this job a couple months later with an unknown date of employment again. He started a new job a few months ago and loves it…and they don’t like layoffs – the last time they were on the brink of layoffs they jsut decided through a company-wide vote to cut out paid holidays. It might be a little light in her tunnel for the time being while she is unemployed. She will get something in no time I’m sure! Like previous posters have said – you two are in this together and you are more than willing to help support during this time…etc.