(Closed) Judgey friends

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@MissEMich:  You might be getting these comments because of the time you spent apart from your bf. When people break up, much time  is spent bashing the ex during girl time. This might be fresh in their minds if you had such a chat, and your girls might be confused that you’ve done a “180” as far as they are concerned. Sure you got back with him, but what about the reason why you broke up? 

My advice to you is to shock the system, and tell them stories of all the things he’s been doing RIGHT lately, (and overall) and tell them how you’re reminded of the awesome guy he is. When you talk about him, make sure the good outweighs the bad at all times, so this information is fresh in their minds. Don’t hint that he’s going to propose. You want this information to be absorbed first so that they can reevaluate him in a more positive way. 

In the end, when it does happen, and you’ve been priming them with all the good that he does and how great of a match he is, I’m sure they will take the high road and congratulate you. And let me be the first to welcome you to the bee and say congratulations.

Post # 4
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with the previous poster. Tell them you are together again and how happy you are.Personally,I keep information on my relationship private.Family and friends hold grudges and although you may kiss and make up,all that they remember is the bad stuff that person said or did to you.

Post # 5
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree with the two previous posters as well.  I hate my Maid/Matron of Honor and one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man husbands because of stuff they did.  I never encourage them to get a divorce but I wished that they would’ve at the time.   They decided to stay in the marriage so I respect their decisions and I am cordial to their husbands.

Just let your friends know that you are happy and the stuff in the past is just that “Stuff in the Past”  They should respect your decision.

Post # 6
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

it’s definitely hard to put aside the negative things a friend says about her bf/fi/husband, especially in a situation like yours, where the negative things were enough to justify a break. previous posters are right that your guy probably needs a serious PR campaign to be reformed in the eyes of your friends.

it sounds like you are happy and sure about your guy, so yay for you!! getting engaged was one of the most amazing moments of my life 🙂

in interest of playing devil’s advocate though, i will toss this out there: i know you say you dont want them to be judgmental, but if you know that all the women closest to you would be so troubled by this impending engagement that you’re afraid to tell them anything, it might be worth really thinking about why. you should be able to tell your friends things they don’t agree with and still get support… it’s been my experience that the things i hid from those closest to me were the things i knew i really shouldn’t be doing.

Post # 7
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I kind of feel like if you spent your relationship airing your dirty laundry, arguing in front of your friends, and then having a public (and I’m assuming, messy) breakup, then you should expect a bit of this. You getting engaged is probably going to bring up some confusion and probably some judgement (could you blame them). Try your best to explain and move on.

Post # 9
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If these are the type of people who are ‘misery loves company’ sorts then you should avoid telling them negative things about your man all together, since you know they’re just going to blow it out of proportion.  I hope they are supportive in other areas.

However, as a friend it IS hard to accept a man after he has hurt your friend, and watch your friend give him another chance.  Talk to them about their hesitations and reassure them that you two are in it for the long haul.

You realize you can tell people you’re engaged without having the ring.  Its totally fine if you don’t want to wait.

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