Judgment of the Working Moms

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
592 posts
Busy bee

I’m not a mom, but my mother was a working mom. And I adore her for it. I think my sister and I probably would have been more unhappy if she didn’t work, lol. My mother would have been unhappy herself I think if she had stayed at home, she had a greater sense of purpose at her jobs.  And her being happy, made us happier. 

Post # 5
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m a SAHM and I have a lot of respect for working mums. We’re lucky enough that we can survive on FI’s income alone or I would have to work, but it definitely causes compromises with what we can afford when. I also have no idea how working mums, get up, get kids ready, get themselves and their spouse ready, drop them off, work a full day, come home and cook dinner and put them to bed etc etc. I would be terrible at it! Unfortunately once you have kids every bloody person who wanders into your vicinity thinks they can judge you on any tiny thing you do/don’t do so I’m afraid this is just the beginning! Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way, you’ve got plenty of time to perfect the “I’m pretending to listen to your advice but really I’m mentally throttling you” look 😉

Post # 6
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Eh, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t! If you’re a WOHM you’re neglecting your children, if your a SAHM you’re not contributing and you’re letting the sisterhood down!

At the end of the day you just have to whatever works for your family and screw anybody that wants to have an opinion or judge you for it!

Post # 7
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Kemma:  Amen! I was just about to post something similar.

I think some women feel insecure or self conscious about their choices and feel the need to judge. Others may judge others out of resentment for feeling judged themselves…

Live and let live.

Post # 8
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Ehhh, I think that, as a Mom, you have to grow a thick skin and let all of the judgement bounce off of you. From my own experience as a parent, I can honestly say that my own internal criticisms are a helluva lot worse than any judgement I may hear out of the lips of others. The times when external criticism hurt are when they echo and amplify my own internal thoughts. So, for me, making peace with my inner critic meant making peace with any external ones. It’s about learning to trust and be confident in your own parenting abilities. Focus on getting there and tuning out all of the rest, and it will all fall into place. Good luck!

Post # 9
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@misskida:  Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I am not a mom yet, but I hope to be one day.  I will be a working mom too.

I grew up with both parents working.  Both my mom and dad are veterinarians and have their own practice, so neither has a typical 9-5 Monday thru Friday job.  They were able to stagger their hours so one of them was usually home with me, at least when I was young.

My mom got a lot of crap for being a working mom because 30 years ago the majority of my friends’ and classmates’ moms did not work.  She was accused of being selfish for putting her needs for a career first, for making me be a “latch key kid” (which I was not!) and for not being involved enough in the PTA (even though she was the PTA president one year!)  Yet these were the same people – women mostly – that were calling her in the middle of the night when their dog was vomitting all over the floor.

I am an only child, but I don’t feel like I missed out on anything growing up.  We never took extravagant vacations but my parents made sure if I wanted to be in sports of an extra curricular activity that I could be in it.

My parents are now in a position where they are financially able to completely retire and are seriously contemplating selling their house and moving somewhere warm.  I know they could not be in this position today if my mom didn’t work.

I am a teacher so I chose a profession that I think is a little more “kid friendly” than other professions.  I still want to be able to do the things that a SAHM mom does for her kids and I honestly do not think my future kid(s) will suffer with me working.

I’ve already heard crap from different people because of my intent to work.  Actually, I don’t think we could afford me to completely stay home.

Like another poster said, you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.


Post # 10
6666 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I worked for 13 years full time until about 6 weeks ago when I quit to be a SAHM.  I have 2 girls who are 10 and 2- so i had worked all of their lives to that point.  Let me tell you, working 40 hours a week AND maintaining the household was hard.  Being a SAHM is such a breeze compared to what I used to do.  I had never received too much judgement about being a working mom- but I have utmost respect for the working moms- because they really have 2 full time jobs.  I feel super blessed to be able to stay home- but I feel like the working moms are pretty damn awesome to juggle so much. 

Post # 11
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Sometimes you just can’t win as a woman.  Either people think you are too fat, or too thin.  Either your ring is called “cute” or “tacky and gaudy”.  Either you’re barefoot and pregnant as a SAHM or you’re cold and unnatural as a WOHM.  Haters gonna hate, right? All we can do is be supportive of each other….  

Post # 12
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013


Im not pregnant but I know I will be a working Mum. My husband could afford to support a family……but I run a family business and I cant walk away from it. I want to but I know we wont be able to find someone who does my hours, and my stress levels for my money. I would feel dreadful letting down all the people we empoly if I gave it up. So I will be a fexible working Mum. I would MUCH rather stay at home. But I feel I have as much a responsibility to the business as I do to my family. Boo.

Post # 13
992 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@misskida:  I’m newly back to work after having my son 4 months ago. I definitely don’t need to work. DH makes 10x more than I do. Daycare eats up a lot of my salary. However, I WANT to work, and I feel that, for me and my family, it’s in everyone’s best interest.

I love my job, love my coworkers, and spent a lot of my maternity leave wanting to be back “in the game.” I love my son, but being a SAHM is MUCH more difficult (and a lot less fun for me) than what I get to do all day. I also think it was a disservice to my son that I couldn’t/wouldn’t interract with him in a way that stimulated him 24/7. I love playing with him, but not ALL DAY LONG, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Luckily, there are people out there who DO want to play with him all day long, and they work at his daycare, and he loves them!

Have I been judged? Yes! A lot of people said I would change my mind about returning to work once my son was born. NOPE! I would have gone straight from the hospital to my office if I could have! I was climbing the walls these last 4 months. I didn’t want to read “Pat the Bunny,” I didn’t want to sing “Wheels on the Bus”, I didn’t want to giggle that toy in front of his face. I was bad at being a SAHM, and both me and my son knew it!

I heard the whole “why have children if you’re not going to raise them?” comments, and I tell them that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and it’s important that we recognize these and deligate tasks to the people who will do them best. I am best at loving my son, teaching him how to be a good, productive member of society, and giving him a secure and happy home life. I am NOT good at keeping him mentally and physically stimulated all day. So I deligate that task to people who are! 

After I explain it, surprisingly, a lot of people understand where I’m coming from. Even DH’s grandmother, who was very vocally against me putting him in daycare agrees after seeing me being on Maternity Leave for 4 months that going back to work and having him in daycare is the best choice for our family. 

And anyone who doesn’t understand can suck a nut!

Post # 14
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@misskida:  Well, I am an unusual case (although it is getting more popular everyday). I get the benefits of staying home and working as I am a WAHM! I love being able to be there for my kids when they have special events at school, on their field trips, time off to do things with them during the summer and school breaks, BUT that is what I feel I need to do.

My mom was a working mom, and LORD knows, had she not been there may have been a few times when we didn’t have food on the table because my dad had either quit, yet another job, or business was slow for him.

There were times in my youth, when I missed her being at the things I feel I should be at for my kids, but I got OVER IT! Especially when I grew up and had kids of my own and realized that she was only doing what she felt was best for us as a family.

All that is to say, YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST FOR YOUR FAMILY! Whether it is working or staying home. You can not let the opinions of others dictate your life.

Post # 15
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Instead of everything being SAHM v. WOHM, can we all just be moms together and support each other? I too am in the unique position of being both. I work from home, and see the benefits of both sides–I bring in an income, but am generally with my child 24 hours a day (occasionally I work out of the home for 2-3 hours, but my son often comes with). I have a personal opinion about which (for me) is harder, but I think it varies based on job, child, personality, etc. Let’s all just be supportive of women who are making the best choice for their families, and quit arguing about which is harder or easier or more successful or more worthy or better for children. 

Post # 16
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@misskida:  My mom went back to work 3 days after having me. My MIL became a SAHM, so I am hit with BOTH sides of opinions when it comes to my pregnancy and what I want to do.

I couldn’t imagine being a SAHM honestly. I admire those women who can stay home all day with their kids withbout a break and take care of everything. I would rather take care of most everything and still work, which is what I plan to do. As much as I will love my son, I think it will be healthy for me to go back to work. I love my job and coworkers.

Will I go back to work 3 days after having a baby like my mom? No. That’s quite ridiculous. Will I be a SAHM? No to that either. You deal with judgement from either side.

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