Post # 1
I’m having a bit of a freak out today… My SO has said to me many times now that he wants to be engaged then married and have at least one child on the way by the time he is 32, doesn’t sound like a big deal right? WRONG….
I have a countdown app on my phone and today I was entering in my friends 30th Birthday so we can text each other regularly (daily!) counting down our excitement to see each other since we live in different states and since it was on my mind this morning I decided to enter SO’s 32nd birthday in to see exactly how long we have until his “deadline” and now I’m freaking out…. we have 1 year, 225 days. That is not enough time to get engaged and then have a decent length engagement, give family (and ourselves) a minimum of 12 months notice to save for our DW and then on top of all that be ready financially to have a baby.. I don’t think he’s thought this through.. I’ve been “waiting” for awhile now and knowing that all of those things need to be stuffed into a 1 year, 225 day timeline is making me feel anxious/stressed/sick/worried/crazy!
OK, thats my freak out done, it’s out there… now I can go home tonight and my SO will have no idea that I am a crazy person who freaks out over something so silly.
Post # 2
Brickette: First, breathe. Have you brought up the subject of getting married with your SO recently to see if this timeline has possibly changed. You can do so in a subtle manner and kind of laugh it off “Ha…remember when you said you wanted this, this, and this by the time your 32? Less than two years to go lol” and then see what he says. Or you could just point blank ask him. If I may ask, what’s preventing you guys from getting engaged? Not ready yet, finances, etc?
Post # 3
KatiePi: We actually talked about this again last night, he is timeline is still the same. We also talked about 4 weeks ago about what is holding him back (if anything) in regards to getting engaged and he thought for a moment and said “honestly, nothing”, I don’t know what to make of that answer.. I know he is thinking about our future obviously because he has a timeline in mind I just don’t think he understands how tight he has made this timeline, we have been together for 7.5 years and now all of a sudden the next 2 years are coming too quick but at the same time not quick enough does that make sense?
Post # 4
Brickette: I know you’re excited but timelines change. Try just focusing on the engagement portion right now. You do not have to cram all that into the next year and 255 days honestly. Things change. Plans change. People change. I would freak out if I had a set number of days to get some huge life milestones “completed” too. Work on one thing at a time. Talk to him about the engagement and go from there.
Post # 5
I honestly woudn’t worry about his timeline. Concentrate on getting engaged/married first. You have to live your life and not your timeline.
Post # 6
Why do you need so much time for a proper engagment? My FI and I got engaged on March 30th of this year and the wedding is October 10th of this year. I don’t understand the need for a long time inbetween? Why waste time? Just get it done if he is all for it!
Post # 7
Initially I thought whoa girl settle down, until I saw that you guys have been together 7.5 years. I think after 7.5 years, I would be a little antsy to. I don’t understand it myself, but guys function on a different level than we do when it comes to this. I personally don’t plan on having a long engagement because we are eloping and don’t want to deal with the drama of a wedding. 1 year and 225 is plenty of time to enjoy your engagement and plan your wedding, but I do agree that is not a lot of time to get engaged, plan, get married, enjoy being newlyweds for a bit AND get pregnant. It CAN be done obviously, but yes it would be rushed especally since he hasn’t popped the question yet.
I totally sympathize but I have realized than once a man has a plan in mind, they generally don’t deviate from that plan. Yeah it sucks, but so you both want to get what you want, you may need to extend your timeline for a wedding and a child.
Post # 8
Brickette: Why do you need time to save? Why not start saving now, in anticipation of needing to be financially ready to have to a wedding followed by a child shortly?
One of the other bees shared that her FI started saving for a ring for the right woman before they even met. My FI and I started saving for our wedding as soon as we moved in together. You don’t need a ring to start saving. Knowing where your finances stand will make it easier to plan and get married in short order as well.
Post # 9
Brickette: So if your app says that you have almost 2 years until his 32nd birthday, he’s 30, right?
When did he say he wanted to do all these things by the time he’s 32? Was it when you two first got together? I really wish I could read his mind and figure out what he’s thinking for you!
Do you two live together? Maybe he’s gotten too content and doesn’t feel he needs to change things because he’s comfortable?
Post # 10
I would just start saving money now. You don’t need to be engaged to start saving for your future.
Post # 11
Thanks for the replies bees!
rabidsmiles: I would be happy to have a short engagement but we need to have a 12 month engagement to give our families enough notice to save money. We live in Australia and are planning on getting married in Las Vegas so our parents and siblings need 12 months to save and we don’t want to tell them to start saving now because we obviously aren’t engaged and don’t have a set date in mind so no one is going to save for something that’s not even set in stone yet.
bitsybee: & weewittlewizabeth: We are already saving for the e-ring/wedding/honeymoon and are about 1/3 of the way there.
ButterflyButterfly: Yes we do live together, we just bought a place in September last year. We lived together for 4 years before that also so you may be right about him being content with how things are! He actually used to say he wanted to have it all done by the time he was 31 but since he turned 30 this year he has pushed it back to 32, we most recntly talked about it yesterday before I posted on here.
snowball543: Haha yes if we’d only been together 2-5 years I wouldn’t be stressing so much but 7.5 years is long enough for me! I know he has a plan in mind, he has spoken to a jeweller about getting a ring custom made and I’ve sent him pictures I like (at his request) and we even know where we want to get married its just that since he has put a “deadline” on things I’m starting to realize we don’t have much time.
megz06: We know we don’t have to have it all done in that timeframe but my SO doesn’t want to be an “old dad” as he puts it. His boss was 35 when he had his first child and he said to my SO he wished that he hadn’t waited so long to start a family so it’s really made my SO thing about his age and where we are at.
Post # 12
Brickette: I wish my FI’s boss would say the same to him, re: old dad! We actually have the opposite. We’re in our early 30’s, but both of our career stakeholders want a bit more time — no babies yet! Is what we both hear.
Post # 13
Can I ask why getting married in Vegas is a “need” ?
Sounds like you could get married and pregnant by his 32nd bday if you didnt get married on literally the farthest corner of the earth from you!
Post # 14
bitsybee: Yes I must admit I’m very happy that his boss is team baby! They are actually good mates as well so his boss is open about that sort of stuff and he is also team “hurry up and marry that girl before she comes to her senses” haha! My SO and I are 4 years apart with me being younger so it’s more his biological clock ticking than mine which is quite amusing 🙂
Post # 15
MrsBuesleBee: It will actually be cheaper for us to fly to the other side of the world and be married in Vegas than it would to have a wedding here in Oz with all of our friends and family. We also want to see the US before we have kids so having a Vegas wedding will give us the chance to see all of the places in the US that we’ve always wanted to see as our honeymoon before we settle down and have kids.