- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
I know I post a lot of these vents about my FILs, but I had to let out some of my stress somewhere before my wedding on Saturday!
So as a short recap for those of you who aren’t aware of my previous posts, basically, FILs have been disapproving/disliking me for superficial reasons such as my height and my salary, have been stumping FI and my attempt in trying to get to know them the past two years, technically disowned FI for wanting to marry me after giving him two years of verbal abusement (e.g. swearing, cursing, condescending remarks, blackmailing, etc).
Just two months ago, FI had his final draw and sent them an email to his parents and his older sister, letting them know that he is done arguming and that he does not want any contact from them. He also let them know, however, that they are still invited to the wedding and it is fully up to them to decide whether they’ll come or not (FFIL has been out of the entire picture since “disownment” few months ago, and FMIL has been threatening us that no one will attend the wedding if we don’t do as she tells us).
FSIL continued to send FI many many emails, which FI basically filtered out and ignored (most of them were swearing us out and telling us that we will be punished by karma or something) – but just a month ago, in the beginning of December, she sent another bunch of email telling FI that he should come home and sincerely apologize, because other wise FILs won’t attend the wedding. She said, FFIL is definitely not attending, and she is trying to convine FMIL but she won’t budge. Because of this, when I asked FI whether his parents are coming or not in the middle of December while I was doing the seating chart, he said no – flat out, he said 99% sure that they aren’t coming.
Then fast forward to end of December – I received an email from FSIL asking us if she and FILs are invited to the wedding, and telling us how she knows there are no seats for the reception but asking us if it is ok for them to attend the ceremony.
I showed it to FI, and he said that he’s been receiving a whole bunch of emails like that from her – but ignored them, because he told them countless times that 1. yes, they are invited 2. it is their choice to attend. He then told me to ignore it – but I decided to reply, since 1. technically, she has been lashing out about me only at FI and hasn’t really said anything bad to me directly and 2. I didn’t want them to blame us later on with “you didn’t reply to the email so we couldn’t go to the wedding”.
I sent a very formal email, basically letting her know that yes, they are still invited as per our invitation, and we have been reserving seats for them including for the reception so if they wish to celebrate with us, they are more than welcome to join.
Few emails went back and forth, (she then asked me if theres a spot for her seemingly ex-fiance but that’s another story) and it sounded as if both FILs are coming to the wedding, as FSIL kept using the word “we”. I let FI know this, and he said, “oh maybe they are really coming.”
Fast forward to yesterday – FI and I sent out an itinerary for our guests, which included a block of morning time for family portraits.
FSIL immediately emailed me and asked if they need to be there at 10:30AM for the family portraits, because they were planning on coming by 11:15AM (ceremony starts at 11:30AM). I replied, if you can make it by 10:30AM, that will be great since the photographer says he might be able to get all family portraits done in the morning – but if that is too early, then as long as everyone gets to the venue by 11:15AM it’ll be fine since the Groom’s parents walk down the aisle first.
FSIL then sent an email asking why her parents are walking down the aisle, if we practiced, if my parents practiced, etc so I let her know that no one practiced, we didn’t feel the need to since it’s a simple walk with no choreography, sent her the processional order and let her know that FI will be more than happy to let his parents know where to sit after walking down the aisle before the ceremony. I also added that if any part of it is uncomfortable, they can skip it.
She then complained that we let them know at the last minute.
This is where I got a bit irritated.
We just found out, a week before the wedding, that the FILs may attend the wedding. Right?? They have been (or at least FSIL) threatening FI that they won’t attend the wedding till end of December. Right??
I understand, that under normal circumstances, that “last minute aisle walking” thing may be rude – but what other choice did we have? We were absolutely prepared for them not coming, because that’s what they have been telling us. How could we ever let them know any of the details when they are the ones who didn’t want to be any part of it (unless it was their way)??
I didn’t bother replying to her last email. It seemed too ridiculous and childish to argue with her about this over the email.
But nonetheless, I was very irritated – even though I knew, by heart by now, that they would blame us for everything no matter what.
And now, with the wedding just two days away, I’m stressed out thinking about how they could potentially ruin the morning (e.g. coming in early at 10:30AM and then yelling and complaining about the “last minute” thing, giving us the long face, etc), and quite possibly the entire wedding.